[caligirl925]

I had been with my boyfriend for about a year. We first met at work and were both instantly attracted to each other. At first we just casually flirted, then started hanging out outside of work. It wasn’t very long before the relationship became physical. Once we had begun sleeping together things seemed to change. He wasn’t calling me as much, we were only seeing each other about once a week, he never took me out etc. This lasted for a few months before I decided I couldn’t do it anymore and stopped trying to talk to him. Well we ended up meeting up at a party last December and I could tell he had really changed. He asked me to go out to dinner, bought me a Christmas present, and started calling me EVERYDAY, taking me out to dinner, movies, etc and we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
Our relationship was wonderful, by far the healthiest relationship I have ever been in. We never fought, there were no issues with trust or jealousy, all of my friends envied our relationship. We met each others parents and really got serious. Everything was running smoothly for about 10 months then all of a sudden about two months ago he started acting weird. He seemed more distant, would start going out with his friends and not inviting me, when I would ask if I could come he would say he just wants it to be the guys etc.. this broke my heart because he would usually always ask me to go with him. We finally decided to have a talk and he started crying (surprising because he is not the sensitive type) and saying how I am the perfect girl and for some reason he is not happy with his life and needs time alone and does not want to date anyone. I was shocked, I was heartbroken. He appeared just as sad as I was over the entire thing and all he kept saying was sorry, and he wishes he didn’t feel like this, and he said it’s possible we can get back together in the future because he loved our relationship. If he thought everything was so good then why would he break up with me?  He is the kind of guy who has more girl friends than guy friends and girls love his personality and he has told me how he has been talking to some other people but does not want anything out of it…still even hearing that he talks and hangs out with other girls kills me.
So it’s been a month and I asked him to go to a movie with me two nights ago and he said yes. I know they say no contact but I am so weak when it comes to that and I miss him so much and needed to see him. So we saw that new movie “last kiss” with Zach bratt and its all about relationships, it’s a really deep movie and really makes you think. When the movie got out he just sat there in his seat staring for a couple minutes, we got in the car and he said it was really ironic how we saw that movie together, he broke down again when we were about to say goodbye and started crying and we hugged each other for so long, so I can tell he does have feelings for me. But then yesterday we didn’t talk the entire day.
I really want advice on what to do…should I give him space or should I just forget about getting back with him all together. I am tired of being sad and crying…But I really love him and miss him. He did tell me that I have taught him more about a relationship than anyone ever has. My friends tell me I am way too good for him and that I am gorgeous and can move on easily but I can’t even look at other guys.. he’s all I want and all I care about.

FYI-he used to be married about 2 ½ years ago, it only lasted one month, he was treated badly and cheated on and didn’t have any serious relationships since that until me, there has been a good length of time since his divorce but do you think that could possibly have anything to do with it?
I am 21 years old and he is almost 26.

One more thing, his birthday is next week, should I do anything for it? My birthday was a couple weeks before he broke up with me and he got me a REALLY nice present... or do you think I don't owe that to him?

Id appreciate ANY help, I want to feel better and get insight from others perspective on my situation.

[chuff]

Maybe he's afraid if he gets to serious the relationship will end and he'll be back to nothing. It sounds like he wants to start the relationship but as soon as it starts to take off he sabatagages (sp) it. I don't think having a bunch of friends that are girls makes a difference here. They all see him as a friend. I think he wants the relationship, but is also afraid of the relationship and those two dual emotions are fighting each other.

[Here_To_Help- Jon]

If you've been going with him for a year, then you should be able to ask him what's wrong, what's going on, and how can you help. If he can't share any of that, then you were never that close to begin with.

[caligirl925]

I have tried talking with him about it several times, he says he doesn't know why he feels this way, and that he wishes he didn't but he needs to go with his gut right now, and do "soul searching"

[Presleygall85]

I don't know it sounds to me like he just doesn't know what he wants so why should you wait around for him.. get back out there in the game.. stop feeling sorry for yourself, or him. There are so many great guys out there, Go for it! :)

[momincali]

I feel for you Cali- I know you're going through a really rough patch here. I think you can see for yourself that he is also struggling with this, it pains him to think that this relationship could be over. He sounds confused. I think that with love comes respect. You need to respect his wishes and give him the space he is asking for. Stop thinking about how much this hurts you and give him what he needs. I know you said you are weak and that you have to call, well, you don't. Stop. No calls, no emails, no letters, nothing. Don't even tell him that you're going to leave him alone, just do it. Get busy with yourself, your friends, your school, work, volunteering, whatever you need to do. Do it. It will benefit you more than you can imagine but it will also give him what he asked for. If you love him, let him go.

In the meantime, discover yourself, push your limits, think out of the box, just stop obsessing over him and what could have gone wrong. If you look back very honestly at your relationship, you might be able to see where things started to go wrong. The red flag for me was that you were upset because you felt he had to take you with him when he went out with his friends. What was up with that?? He should (and you should as well) have plenty of time apart whether it be alone, with friends or family.

I know it will be hard, but not impossible. Leave him alone. Respect his request and he may grow to really appreciate and miss you.

[s_cianci]

The fact that he was cheated on and divorced could well be contributing to his ambivalence now. I'd back off for a while and give him some space. Don't even worry about his birthday. You ned to make him miss you. Move on and date other people. Once he realizes you're doing that it may light a fire under him and get him coming back to you.

[talaniman]

He has a lot of baggage to deal with ,so please let him. If you don't have a life without him ,now would be a real good time to get one.