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Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 06:07 PM

Ok... First and foremost, I would like to start with the fact that I am not a stickler. I have kissed guys, had some sexual experiences, but have yet to "Do the Deed". I guess it could stem from the conclusion that I am not very comfortable being naked around someone other than a doctor or in the shower. I also get nervous when a guy hits on me, thinking up the most quick words of escape to get out of the situation, Mainly because I think that in the end and ultimately... he wants sex. Slow and steady like the tortoise, I like to take things slow... (I blame my Capricorn sun). I like to really get comfortable before I even think about letting loose... and that can take months... even years. The first time I even had a papsmear, it took 6 tries until the nurse got what she wanted... leaving me mortified and hurting. I guess I picture sex as a painful, sloppy experience... which I'm sure is somewhat true, However I know it can be beautiful and bring people closer together. I guess the biggest goal to accomplish is to get comfortable in my own skin before I rub against someone else's... but how to defeat such a task? Also, how to get over the fact that sex hurts at first? When does it start to feel... well good? I am religious, but not in the context of christianity. I don't believe in waiting until marrige, but do believe that the person I share myself with is in it for the long run... not my whole life... but stay longer than just the night. Sex for me is emotional as well as physical. I want to share more than just my body. I want to be comfortable with myself and the whole idea of sex. I guess when it comes to it... I have the mind of a 15 year old when it comes sex. A teehee here and there when the word is mentioned. I believe myself half ready. I want to experience it... but then again... I really wouldn't mind waiting.

I guess all in all... how can this goat climb over such a huge mountain of insecurities and eventually hit the sack... with a guy?

mudweiser · Apr 26, 2009, 06:46 PM

I personally think it's great you remained a virgin. There are some people out there that wish they waited until they were wise enough to pick the guy/girl to give themselves to.

Are you in a relationship right now? If not. Stop. Don't go giving your body away to any guy that comes by. Once your in a healthy relationship then you can proceed with the sex. If you are in a relationship, is it a healthy one?
________________________________________

Virgin sex has been twisted. It hurts for other, where as it doesn't hurt for many. Your hymen probably "loosened" after all these years, from bike riding, horse back riding, and just general movement.

I hope you don't have a complete sex mentality of a 15 year old. Most 15 year olds don't even know what the word contraception is.

Get sex smart and educate yourself about safe sex.

I have one question: Do you use any sex toys?

Best of luck to you,

Sarah

Alty · Apr 26, 2009, 06:53 PM

Learn to be comfortable with yourself, don't rush it, there's plenty of time.

As for sex hurting, well yes, it can the first time, but that doesn't last and it's not usually an excruciating pain. If the man takes his time, takes things slow, understands that this is your first time then it isn't really that bad. But then, all women are different.

I think it's great that you aren't just jumping into the sack with any guy that comes along. You'll know when the time and guy is right.

Good luck.

Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 07:18 PM

I guess when I say "15" I mean in the sense that the whole thing gets me giddy. I have common knowledge on the subject.

Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 07:19 PM

And also something to add : My Twin sister came forward that she lost her virginity a couple of months ago to a guy friend because she " just wanted to do it"... they still remain friends... and she talked about it as if it was completely casual. I guess I kind of thought we were the same when it came to sex... but now I feel even more alone.

Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 07:21 PM

Sex toys? Yeah... I recently got the courage to purchase a vibrator...

mudweiser · Apr 26, 2009, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by Shleecraw23

And also something to add : My Twin sister came foward that she lost her virginity a couple of months ago to a guy friend because she " just wanted to do it"...they still remain friends...and she talked about it as if it was completely casual. I guess I kind of thought we were the same when it came to sex...but now I feel even more alone.

Hmm. I can see why you feel left out. However, who is to say the same will happen to you? You never know what would happen. It'd be a lot safer if you did it with someone you truly loved.

For the meantime, maybe you should try using a dildo. Get familiar with your own body and literally have sex with yourself. Go online or to an adult store, don't be ashamed it's your body and your old enough to be sexual. Self sex is the safest sex.

Just a thought ;)

Sarah

Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 07:31 PM

Can't deny the truth in that.

Gemini54 · Apr 26, 2009, 07:58 PM

What's wrong with being a virgin?

You sound a bit naïve and inexperienced but you're only 22. If you don't want to do it - don't! Trust your own judgement, enjoy your friendships and let things unfold slowly, naturally. We are not all the same. There is no reason why your experiences should mimic your sister's so don't use that as your benchmark.

Sex for me is emotional as well as physical. I want to share more than just my body. I want to be comfortable with myself and the whole idea of sex.

You DO know what you want - all you need to do is trust in yourself and wait until you feel comfortable. There is nothing to fear - sex does not have to be painful or embarrassing. In fact, if you wait until you find someone you like and love, it will probably be quite the reverse!

In the meantime, as others have suggested, perhaps you can get to know your own body a bit better. If sex toys are a bit confronting (and I suspect they might be for you) I would suggest you read:

Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women - Julia Heiman.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 26, 2009, 08:40 PM

Some people wait until there in their late twenties.

Shleecraw23 · Apr 26, 2009, 09:12 PM

I guess with the pressure of the masses (media, friends, overall propaganda claiming sex to be glamorous, and other means of promotion)... all virgins feel like they are being left behind in one way or another. I believe if I am still questioning as to if I am ready or not... then I am indeed not ready. Hopefully all these baby-steps I insist on taking will lead me to someone and something great in the future.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 26, 2009, 09:13 PM

It will. Believe me it will. It will be well worth the wait..

mudweiser · Apr 26, 2009, 09:32 PM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

It will. Believe me it will. It will be well worth the wait..

I agree. It will be worth the wait.

Keep doing what your doing. Focus on school or furthering your career, learn what your body likes, get some self improvement [everyone can use that], socialize and just enjoy your time- it'll soon pass.

Sarah