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chrissy1021 · Apr 24, 2009, 11:05 AM

Okay, this is absolutely horrible, I already know this. But I have been with my fiancé for almost 2 years. We live together and we get in some fights and all but all in all we have a very steady relationship. I love him and I know he loves me even more. My problem is that I just found out that I am pregnant. A couple weeks ago I went out with a few friends and drank way too much for my good then all my friends had to leave early. Well the next thing I remember is waking up without my clothes in another guys bed.

Now I am completely scared that the baby is not my fiance's. He doesn't know that I am even pregnant yet. I just don't know what to do. When I have the baby my it will be obvious if it is his or not because if it is his he should be bi-racial and if it is not then it will not be bi-racial. This is the first time I have ever cheated on him because I love him so much I would never do that to him and I would have never done it this time if I would have known what I was doing.

I just need some advice. I don't know what to do and I am scared...

DoulaLC · Apr 24, 2009, 12:04 PM

When was your last period? Was it the norm in when you started, how long it lasted, and the sort of flow? When did you sleep with the other guy? How soon afterwards did you find out you were pregnant? The time frame of these events may help to ease your mind... at least a little bit.

Also, some bi-racial babies will not automatically look to be bi-racial, so you can't always use that as a determining factor.

Regardless of how things turn out... no doubt this will be a costly lesson, if nothing else in terms of stress and anxiety, in your level of commitment to the relationship and to how much you should drink when out with friends.

I'm sure you will give careful consideration to those things in the future. Hopefully word of where you were will not get back to your fiancé. Hope it doesn't all become a bigger mess for you than it already is!

chrissy1021 · Apr 24, 2009, 12:24 PM

The first date of my last period was March 8th and I had sex with the other guy on March 22. My period lasted 5 days and went from very light the first day to very heavy the second day then back down to very light and to spotting the last 3 days. This flow is completely normal for me. I found out I was pregnant on the 12th of April.

DoulaLC · Apr 24, 2009, 12:33 PM

Do you know yet how far along you are or just that you have tested positive on a pregnancy test?

Justwantfair · Apr 24, 2009, 12:38 PM

I think you have an obligation on many levels to come clean to your partner, right away.

This is not something that you can speculate when a child is a lifelong responsibility. Your best course of action is to come clean to both parties and have them both tested.

Trying to calculate who has the biggest potential to be the father is a recipe for disaster and you have an obligation to this child.

DoulaLC · Apr 24, 2009, 12:43 PM

I agree with Justwantfair, as you may not have any choice.

The timing of your last period and when you were with this other person was not the best. Do you know for sure that you actually had sex? There is the possibility that you both may have been so drunk that nothing actually happened. (trying to find some way that this can go in your favor)

chrissy1021 · Apr 24, 2009, 12:55 PM

I just tested positive on a pregnancy test and I can't come clean to both people because I have no idea who the other guy was. I just woke up next to him and he acted very offended that I didn't remember what happened he told me we had sex multiple times and then he drove me to my car no exchanges in names or numbers that I can remember. I don't even remember seeing this guy at the bar I was at.

Justwantfair · Apr 24, 2009, 01:24 PM

Well I would come clean to your partner, you owe him that much.

The decision should be his if this child does not carry his DNA.

J_9 · Apr 24, 2009, 01:29 PM

Originally Posted by chrissy1021

The first date of my last period was March 8th and I had sex with the other guy on March 22. My period lasted 5 days and went from very light the first day to very heavy the second day then back down to very light and to spotting the last 3 days. This flow is completely normal for me. I found out I was pregnant on the 12th of April.

I am so sorry, but it does not look too promising. If the first day of your last period was 3/8/09, according to my gestation wheel that we use at the hospital, you most likely conceived on March 22, and your due date would be December 11.

Unfortunately, this is also just a guess, a pretty accurate guess, but a guess nonetheless.

DoulaLC · Apr 25, 2009, 04:20 AM

Originally Posted by chrissy1021

I just tested positive on a pregnancy test and I can't come clean to both people because I have no idea who the other guy was. I just woke up next to him and he acted very offended that I didn't remember what happened he told me we had sex multiple times and then he drove me to my car no exchanges in names or numbers that I can remember. I don't even remember seeing this guy at the bar I was at.

Have you and your fiancé been trying to have a baby or have you been using protection? Unfortunately, as J_9 mentioned, it is just too close to call... could go either way. As others have said, you'll need to have some testing done with your fiancé and the baby to determine whether he could be the father. I wish you well...

chrissy1021 · Apr 25, 2009, 07:28 AM

Yes, we have been trying to have a baby so no birth control was being used. But my fiancé and I had been trying off and on to conceive. This month we hadn't been trying as hard, therefore, only having sex when we really felt like it and not to just try to get pregnant.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 25, 2009, 07:32 AM

You do not even know the guy? He could have aids, or hep b,c or anything else for that matter.

You need to be tested for std's.

chrissy1021 · Apr 25, 2009, 07:42 AM

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You do not even know the guy? He could have aids, or hep b,c or anything else for that matter.

You need to be tested for std's.

I know I need to be tested for std's. I never ever use condoms latex allergy and really just don't like them at all; so anytime I sleep with a new guy or there is a major time lapse between sleeping with the same guy more than once, basically if I think he has probably been with another woman after being with me, I get tested. So that is not an issue for me. And since this all happened I have not had sex with my fiancé and don't plan to until I get tested for std's.

All in all, I feel I am being pretty responsible in that whole department, even though I should have never gotten myself into this mess in the first place.

Justwantfair · Apr 25, 2009, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by chrissy1021

I know I need to be tested for std's. I never ever use condoms latex allergy and really just don't like them at all; so anytime I sleep with a new guy or there is a major time lapse between sleeping with the same guy more than once, basically if I think he has probably been with another woman after being with me, I get tested. So that is not an issue for me. And since this all happened I have not had sex with my fiance and don't plan to until I get tested for std's.

All in all, I feel I am being pretty responsible in that whole department, even though I should have never gotten myself into this mess in the first place.

Pretty responsible would be carrying lambskin condoms, since you are allergic and don't like condoms, and using an oral contraceptive until you are married.

shazamataz · Apr 25, 2009, 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by chrissy1021

I know I need to be tested for std's. I never ever use condoms latex allergy and really just don't like them at all; so anytime I sleep with a new guy or there is a major time lapse between sleeping with the same guy more than once, basically if I think he has probably been with another woman after being with me, I get tested. So that is not an issue for me. And since this all happened I have not had sex with my fiance and don't plan to until I get tested for std's.

All in all, I feel I am being pretty responsible in that whole department, even though I should have never gotten myself into this mess in the first place.

:eek:
You might get tested for STD's before sleeping with someone new but what if the guy has one! What are you going to do when you catch something off him, some STD's can't be cured... think AIDS! Very irresponsible considering there are safe sex options that don't use latex!

chrissy1021 · Apr 25, 2009, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

:eek:
You might get tested for STD's before sleeping with someone new but what if the guy has one! What are you going to do when you catch something off him, some STD's can't be cured... think AIDS! Very irresponsible considering there are safe sex options that don't use latex!

I get tested for any std's after sleeping with a new guy not before and I know that there is a risk of getting an std that can't be cured but I have never been able to climax if the guy I am with is wearing a condom. Previous to this current situation I have always made sure that the guy that I am with has been tested before sleeping with him. I have never had a drunk one night stand ,or any one night stands at that, before this night; and of course I don't carry any lambskin condoms with me because I am trying to get pregnant right now. Condoms would defeat the purpose of what my fiancé and I want to do. Like I said I don't even remember the night at all, I don't remember talking to this guy or even seeing him until the next morning so of course I wouldn't tell him to not just get a condom but that he needs to go and buy a lambskin condom. I was completely out of it, I don't drink often but this was by far the most intoxicated I have ever been. Prior to this, every sexual experience I have had were with guys I was in a committed relationship with and on birth control, except with my fiancé seeing as we are on no birth control at this time.

shazamataz · Apr 25, 2009, 10:21 AM

Fair enough Chrissy, if you know for sure that they guy you are sleeping with is clean then it's all good :)
I just get alarm bells when people sleep with guys without prper protection but you have good reasons :) (I am also allergic to latex)

(although I don't get that you can't climax when using condoms.. I've never heard of that)

chrissy1021 · Apr 25, 2009, 10:29 AM

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Fair enough Chrissy, if you know for sure that they guy you are sleeping with is clean then it's all good :)
I just get alarm bells when people sleep with guys without prper protection but you have good reasons :) (I am also allergic to latex)

(although i don't get that you can't climax when using condoms.. i've never heard of that)

I think it is because I have only had sex when in committed/long term relationships I need the spontaneity to spice it up. When in these relationships I have always waited quite a while to have sex and the first few times I feel nervous and anxiety and then once I get really comfortable it is just not as exciting unless it is spontaneous. There is no happy medium... :(

DoulaLC · Apr 25, 2009, 11:39 AM

I know this is beside the point, but could something have been slipped into your drink? I ask since you don't recall anything with this guy other than waking up next to him.

chrissy1021 · Apr 25, 2009, 12:09 PM

Actually, I have been wondering the same thing. But even if that did happen it isn't like I can do anything about it now, so I am not going to worry about what happened there. Plus if I told my fiancé that I thought that is what happened, I would just feel like I was making excuses.