[peacelove1010]

I have caught my 17 year old son drinking beer in my home on more than one occasion. Either when I am out or after I go to bed. He has come home drunk as well as stoned. His grades have fallen and he has no regard for anything he does. He was living with my ex-husband but he kicked him out of the house and is now living with me in my one bedroom home. He continues to say he hate us and even more so since we took his phone away and have grounded him from seeing his friends. He has admitted to having a problem to one of my friends. We are starting counseling tomorrow so hopefully we will get some advice on why my son is doing what he is doing. He blames me and his dad for everything and will take no responsibility for his on behavior. It has gotten to a point where we can no longer control or trust him and it is affecting my 9 year old daughter. We caught him on Sunday lying that he was at work all the while he out all day partying with his friends.Other then counseling what else can we do?

[Justwantfair]

Counseling is the first big and major step.

Your son is acting out his emotions and it appears that he isn't very happy and he sounds resentful of both of his parents. The teenage years are always difficult and he is carrying a lot of anger on his shoulders.

Attend counseling tomorrow, following that give us an update and maybe we will have some ideas to make it through to the next appointment but right now you are taking the best first step that you can.

[artlady]

Support him emotionally and kudos to for getting help right away.

Let him know you are in his corner but you will not abide disrespect and drug and alcohol abuse or use.

Try to remember what it was like to be 17,so close to being an adult and yet so far from actually being there.It's a tough age.

As parents of kids this age,we have to stop being the disciplinarian type of parent and become more of a counselor and allow them to suffer the consequences of their mistakes.

There must be a boundary between being supportive and enabling their stupid choices.

He needs to know where his responsibility lies for the choices he makes,just by the natural consequences.

If he skips school and his grades falter,that is his problem and the natural result will be he does not graduate,again,his problem,his consequence.

Best of luck!

[peacelove1010]

Counseling is the first big and major step.

Your son is acting out his emotions and it appears that he isn't very happy and he sounds resentful of both of his parents. The teenage years are always difficult and he is carrying alot of anger on his shoulders.

Attend counseling tomorrow, following that give us an update and maybe we will have some ideas to make it through to the next appointment but right now you are taking the best first step that you can.

Thank you :)

[Clough]

Hi, peacelove1010 !

Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I just moved your question that you had posted in Introductions to this forum topic area so that it will get the most exposure to those who are best able to answer it. Introductions is for people to introduce themselves and we try to not ask questions there.

I do note that you've already received two, fine answers while your question was in Introductions.

It can be a little confusing when first learning how to use this site! Your question will get noticed much more in this forum topic area.

We would appreciate it if you would return to Introductions sometime to tell us a little about yourself though, if you would be willing to do that.

Thanks!

[Nestorian]

17 drinking, toking up(pot), partying, and skipping work, resents parents, grades dropped, disregaurd for everything and it seems to come down to one thing.

Why?

"He continues to say he hate us and even more so since we took his phone away and have grounded him from seeing his friends. He has admitted to having a problem to one of my friends."-You

I don't know why he hates you exactly, but perhaps it has more to do with him being confused by how he was raised then a major change to that and he is having a hard time coping. Say a separation for parents?

I wonder if he doesn't hate himself more than he does you/your Ex? Something to look into.

It maybe he feels like no body cares, so why should he? All every one else wants to do is tell him what he can or can't do or what ever it is he is thinking. It's kind of hard to picture anything with so little info.

The counseler is a good idea, but he needs to participate. If he seems unwilling, try to find a way to him. There may yet be something he cares about, but won't say.

Ask him how he feels about things, what he thinks of decisions? He is close to an adult and may feel like no one pays attention to what he has to say. So get wasted he does, and doesn't care if some one listens or not.

He may blame you and your ex for everything because you raised him, he may feel that you two raised him "wrong". I don't know about that, you seem like a very caring, responsible parent. But in his mind especailly with the drug abuse, things are a little um... obscured. Also, if people tell him constantly what he can and can't do, he may see that as those people taking the responsibility our of his hands, I know I did. How can I take responsibility when some one tells me what I should do all the time. Its like I don't get to choose, right? I know better now, that is just other's lack of articualtion. Really, some times we have to just be asked, is this a good choice? I think this goes for pretty much any one. You know? Choosing your words wisely till you figure things out a little more, may help.

These are all just suggestions, from my own expereinces in the same place as your son is in now. I'm 24 now and learned how to be more constructive. I could be entirely wrong, but when dealing with such a situation keeping an open mind maybe best.

Try looking up different progrms on the internet, for your area. Whether its counseling, seminars (some times it's a good idea for you to go to a few Alcoholic's Awareness presentations.), learn about the substances he is using.

YouTube - Marijuana Brain Scans Prove Damage Anti-Marijuana Video PSA (Various brain scans of users of all kinds of drugs, alcohol has been considered a drug.)

YouTube - Alcohol vs Brain (documentary) - Part 1 (alcohol Documentary, not sure the source, I'm still looking into it, but it sounds pretty sound to me. It's similar to when we get angery, our outer brain the cerebral cortex, or Grey matter, shuts down to alow the blood to go to the muscles (when angry.), to the Lymbic system (when drunk). If any one knows that it's not please let me know.) There is more to the Documentary but you'll have to watch them on your own.

I hope that helps, and that things work out for you.

Peace and kindness bewith you.

[Fr_Chuck]

And give him no chance not to be where he should not be, check up on him, have him transported to work and school. If he can not be trusted, don't trust them,

[Nestorian]

There are some things I've seen else where that are different from this site, but For the most part it's got a lot of good info on it.
Alcohol Poisoning