[chocolatebeeaar]

Hello, I need for people to tell me what they think about my poem.
Be as truthful as possible, please. I need honest views so that I know whether
i should begin work on making someone out of it just throwing it away.
please and thank you.


I stare up at the sun and my skin begins to come apart and fall from my shoulders.
I close my eyes and finish the job. I peel my eyelids and pull my lips forward.
The sun all of a sudden moves away into the clouds coming in closer to where I stand.
The shadows disappear and the clouds start to cry. The winds roar as the raindrops land.
I lift up the palms of my hands and wait. I can't feel anything and I don't know why.

[bones252100]

It makes no sense. What was the idea you wanted to convey?

[Silverfoxkit]

I think I kind of understand it. Are you trying to convey a feeling of hurt and emptiness?

[Clough]

Hi, chocolatebeeaar!

I like it and I think that it's very creative! I hope that you don't mind, but I arranged and re-worded it a bit to make it a little easier to understand.

A person really needs to think deep and be creative in order to understand it.

A possible title might be "I Stare Up at the Sun."

I stare up at the sun
My skin begins to tear apart
It starts by falling from my shoulders.
I close my eyes to finish the job.

I peel my eyelids
And pull my lips forward.
The sun all moves away suddenly into the clouds
Closing in on where I stand.

The shadows disappear and the clouds start to cry.
The winds roar as the raindrops land.
I lift the palms of my hands and wait.
I can't feel anything and I don't know why.

Thanks!

[paigerwaiger94]

Um, very graphic, and not very understandable, but for some unknown reason, I like it

[spitvenom]

I like it. I get from this that a person is changing, shedding their old skin becoming something new and unfamiliar to them. Keep it up!