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Ponderer · Apr 19, 2009, 01:33 PM

I have this friend, we're somewhat close, we hang out everyday at school, he walks me to my classes (we're in college) and we have lunch together. He's really sweet to me. He's even given me two gifts, one was really expensive. We don't talk about relationships or anything of that sort. He's very funny and he's always trying to me smile. ( he thinks I'm emo lol) but I don't know if he sees me more than friend or if he's just being my friend. Before I didn't have any feelings for him but after we hung out in the city I only thought of him kissing me. So please what do you think. I don't have much experience, and I am really bad at this whole he likes me or not thing.

I wish · Apr 19, 2009, 02:48 PM

We'll probably need more details. But guys don't usually waste their time walking girls to class and eating lunch with them all the time unless they are really really good friends or he has an interest in them. I highly doubt that you guys are really good friends, so I think he might be interested.

The question is why hasn't he shown it yet? Maybe he's shy? Fear of rejection?

The best bet is to confront him about it. If he likes you, then cool. If he doesn't, at least you guys can xlear the air so that there's no tension or misunderstandings.

Ponderer · Apr 19, 2009, 02:52 PM

He's sort of shy. He's mentioned his ex a few times though, emotionless, very passive so I'm not sure... how would I confront him? I don't have the slightest idea.

I wish · Apr 19, 2009, 02:53 PM

Bring it up joklingly at first. Say something like... hey, how come you always hang around me? Don't you have other friends? See his reaction. If he gets a bit defensive, then just nudge him and say... I'm just joking, I like hanging out with you. Then say... no seriously, do you have feelings for me?

By the way, do you like him back?

Ponderer · Apr 19, 2009, 04:02 PM

I think I do. I enjoy his company and ever since that day that we hung out, I can't stop thinking about him. I am going to try that and see what happens. Though I noe his other friends, we've bummed into one another and yet he always sticks with me. So would the questions be relevant?

I wish · Apr 19, 2009, 04:36 PM

Yup, stick with the questions, cause the intention is to see his reaction and if he seems uncomfortable then you just play it off as a joke and just laugh it off with him. Then after laughing it off, he will feel more relaxed and then you can ask him seriously.

If you like, just change the wording so that it sounds more like yourself, but keep the general idea

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

Ponderer · Apr 19, 2009, 05:21 PM

I will and hey thanks :)

Ponderer · Nov 2, 2009, 05:59 PM

Hello everyone! I know that this specific topic has not been commented for several months now but I promised to let you know how it went. Unfortunately I never had the courage to ask him, I was too much of a coward to take the risk on our friendship. But this September he finally admitted that he had more than just platonic feelings for me and I finally told him that I did too. Thank you all for your time and feedback.

Ponderer · Nov 4, 2009, 03:12 PM

My boyfriend and I maintained a platonic relationship a year before we started a romantic relationship. He became my best friend and throughout our friendship we never spoke about each others past. Now its been two months that he and I are together and we're serious, we even talk about marriage and about creating a future together, but his ex is still in his life. He tell me they're just friends but when they're in contact, he tries his best to hide it. He even keeps pictures of her in his phone. Is it normal that I'm upset? I'm not the jealous type or at least I don't want to be, and he treats me like no one has ever treated me before, but yet, I get infuriated and makes me want to distrust him. Is this immaturity or do I have the right?

Thanks

none12345 · Nov 4, 2009, 03:16 PM

I would never get in a relatonship with someone that is still in contact with their ex. It just creates too much problems. And no you have the right to feel the way that you do and you should talk to him about it. Communication is the key to a relationship.

Jayjay027 · Nov 4, 2009, 03:28 PM

I agree, if he doesn't know that this is annoying you, he can't be expected to read your mind.
Talk to him about how it makes you feel, take it from there.
Good luck.

Gemini54 · Nov 4, 2009, 04:22 PM

I think that you need to talk to him and honestly explain your concerns. Give him a chance to talk to you about the nature of his relationship with his ex.

If you have been friends with him for over a year, you must have known about the presence of the Ex, or has he kept it hidden all this time? What concerns me is that he hides this connection.

Having said all that, I was friends with my ex when I first met my husband 11 years ago, and have continued to be friends with him. I even had a photo of him in the kitchen for a long time, until I decided to redecorate and knew it was take to take it down! My husband has never really had a problem with me being friends with my Ex, although I think he was a bit doubtful at first.

Friendship with an ex is not a bad thing in itself - it often indicates that the two people are able to maintain the affection that they felt for each other, but take it to a different , non intimate level.

Talk to your BF. You need to find out what the nature of his friendship with his Ex is, and why he keeps it a secret.

talaniman · Nov 4, 2009, 05:05 PM

If your best friends, and can talk, that's what you better do just to clear the air, and find out what's what, before you assume and get carried away.