Any birth mother searching is given that same information from me--I am actually more active with birthparents and birthparent support groups than I am with adoptees, simply from my own perspectives.
In TODAY'S world, there is not as much stigma. The issue comes from most closed adoptions where the birthmother walks away and carries on with her life. I've spoken with some birthmothers from the 60s, 70s, and 80s that think of their child and miss them every day, and it's affected their entire life. They've never truly been allowed to mourn their loss (society is VERY bad about that), and it's affected their relationships with husbands, lovers, children, parents--whoever! Those birthmothers are the ones who are searching, even if they are only passively searching (registering on reunion sites and sending letters to the adoption agency).
Other mothers from the SAME times never told anyone they were pregnant. They had the baby in secret, never saw the child, and MOVED ON with their life. They seldom think of their child other than to hope he/she is okay occasionally. They never told their husbands about the child. They never told their kids. They mourned their loss, and moved on with their lives, never talking about it. These are the women whose lives would be completely disrupted if a child given for adoption were to show up one day, or call, or otherwise initiate contact NOT through a third party. The emotional upheaval in those cases is horrible. Imagine someone you've thought of as dead for 30 years shows up on your doorstep. As nice as it is to see them, it's HORRID at the same time, and the emotions involved are extreme.
I am absolutely for open adoptions--mine is open, and I communicate with my daughter's parents a couple times a year. They let me know she's okay, and I keep them updated on medical problems in my family, along with other information. I find myself being friends with her parents, long-distance.
I hope my daughter contacts me at 18---but that will be her choice. Her parents know how to reach me, and have promised to give her that information if she asks for it. I don't expect her to call me "mom"--she has a mom. I do, however, expect her to have some respect for me for the hard decisions I had to make regarding her life before she was even born.
The difference between MY open adoption, and many open adoptions is that I have a non-interference policy.
Frankly, there just needs to be more public education about adoption in general. Ask most people about adoption, and they'll tell you everything they know--and all of it dates to the 1940s.
Anyway, I hope I answered what you were asking. I wasn't trying to take away from the original question. It's that since I see the OTHER side of things, I feel the need to point out that someone else's life is involved as well.
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