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dee_cooper · Apr 17, 2009, 05:36 PM

I have been married for three years and been together four years with my man.. I do everything I can think of to get him in the mood but he just doesn't want it any more we average about once a week and I have needs that need to be met... I give him blow jobs, I give him hand jobs and everything... but I doesn't seem to work anymore.. we use to do it like three times a day and now its like none.. I ned help does any one have any suggestions on what I can do... :(

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 05:44 PM

Your constant want or desire might be turning him off. Has he gained a lot of weight? Weight gain makes a person less energenic. Ignore him and grab a couple of vibrators, toys, magazines, dvd's - whatever you need and get the job done yourself. Are you using sex to release endorphins and calm your own anxieties? The reason I ask, is because maybe you're a sex addict and the orgasm is a "high" or a "release" of tension to you. It's possible that sex calms you - so your body craves it more and more and more... sort of like drug or alcohol abuse. Who knows. Do you verbally ask your husband for lots of sex? Maybe your increased level of desire / need is making himself conscious about himself. Unfortunately, I don't have suggestions. His body is his body and your body is your body. We can't change his needs or wants or change your needs or wants.. right?

Talk to your husband and trade off on a compromise... you can get one additional night of sex if you do something that he likes for him...

dee_cooper · Apr 17, 2009, 06:23 PM

No he hasn't gained any weight and all and my wanting it more is from not getting any what's so ever . Besides once a week. Four times a month it all started when we moved here to Washington and all... I have talked to him and he just tells me he doesn't know why he doesn't want to do it any more...

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 06:41 PM

Hold on. You can't say that you're NOT having intercourse, or that you get NONE whatsoever. You do have sex: 4 times a month or once a week. There is a BIG difference between abstaining from sex period, vs. not engaging in intercourse as frequently as you wish you could. Ok. So there was a move. That equals stress. Did he change jobs? The emotional strain of a new job or lifestyle could cause depression or anxiety. Maybe he's depressed about the move or there's something else that's nagging him. What other changes has he experienced? What's bugging him?

Bonnie46 · Apr 17, 2009, 06:46 PM

Don't talk to him about sex or your desire to have it more often. Instead talk to him about this move to Washington. What's it like in his job? What frustrates him? What does he think about his future? What causes him anxiety? Money? The house? Children? Has he lost friends or colleagues? What is the underlying problem that is causing him anxiety or mental anguish? It's not uncommon for men to get depressed - BUT DON'T TELL HIM THAT. Just ask him questions. How does he feel today? Why does he feel that way? Tell him you like it when he talks to you. In the meantime, get yourself a few toys and masturbate. Then once you're calm, listen to him and his needs. Maybe he's scared or frustrated at work. Maybe he's lonely or not happy with this new job... what does he feel?

Synnen · Apr 17, 2009, 06:51 PM

He needs to see his DOCTOR.

A sudden drop in libido (or ANY drop!) can also be a symptom of a medical problem. He needs to get that ruled out as well.

taoplr · Apr 17, 2009, 06:53 PM

It's pretty normal to go from three times a day to 3-4 times a week after a few years of marriage. People are less novel to each other, and the relationship changes from "doing what we did when we were flirting" to "reaching a shared understanding of what we have to do to make a life together." You need the understanding to live together well, but it is a lot less sexy than romance.

Everybody's different and nobody can claim to know the "norm" so it's what you feel.

But your constant presence/pressure doesn't work. Pull back to a distance that says "I might not be always available," but not so far as to say "I'm making distance." If you understand what I mean, you can use that space to communicate with him. If you pull back just the right amount, he will feel it, and eventually wonder about it. That opens a door. You flirt a little again.

letmetellu · Apr 17, 2009, 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by dee_cooper

I have been married for three years and been together four years with my man.. I do everything i can think of to get him in the mood but he just dosent want it any more we average about once a week and i have needs that need to be met... i give him blow jobs, i give him hand jobs and everything...but i dosent seem to work anymore.. we use to do it like three times a day and now its like none.. i ned help does any one have any suggestions on what i can do.....:(

Stop giving him blow jobs and hand jobs and everything else, let his body build up a little desire for sex, plus a little seman, maybe he is just burned out.

dee_cooper · Apr 17, 2009, 11:12 PM

OK I do talk to him often about anything that is bugging him and I don't pressure him about sex. I know he doesn't like to talk about that kind of stuff so I don't we moved to Washington three years ago and it was his choice to move I didn't want to move. The matter of the fact is I am worried that he is not wanting it with me anymore. And I only give him a blow job and stuff when he is in the mood to have sex... and that four times a month... and it doesn't even last for maybe 2 min so to me its getting to the point of not doing it at all anymore... he's all for his pleasure but I am sitting up at night wishing and hoping for more.

taoplr · Apr 17, 2009, 11:51 PM

Bottom line: you are going to have to talk things through. If he doesn't like "that sort of stuff" it will be up to you to make it happen. See a marriage counselor who specializes in marital sex, with him or by yourself.

simoneaugie · Apr 18, 2009, 02:58 AM

Where did you move from? Are you talking about Washington DC or the state?