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stevetcg · Apr 15, 2009, 11:20 AM

Originally Posted by layla36

IM FRUSTERATED! never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you wont until you go through it! im not a selfish person i just feel like i shouldnt have to deal with it but i joined this marriage and im in it with him. i explained my side and wat else can i say! im the victum here!

YOU are not a victim here. Its debatable that your husband MAY be. The child is the victim here.

ScottGem · Apr 15, 2009, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by layla36

IM FRUSTERATED! never mind pple its too hard for all of you to understand you wont until you go through it! im not a selfish person i just feel like i shouldnt have to deal with it but i joined this marriage and im in it with him. i explained my side and wat else can i say! im the victum here!

I understand your frustration, but its not going to be relieved by arguing with us.

But I have to disagree, you are not the victim here. The victim is the child who didn't ask to be placed in this situation. Your husband is only partially a victim, because he either broke the law and got drunk at 15 or consented to having sex with an adult. However, neither of that matters if a Statutory rape charge is pursued against the mother.

ScottGem · Apr 15, 2009, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by layla36

i need a legal advocate! i dont knw the law inside and out! but i do need someone who does!
i guess i just have to deal with it right!

Yes you do and you have to find one who knows your local area. You can try legal aid societies or a local law school or similar. You may even find someone, especially a woman lawyer, who would love to prosecute a woman for statutory rape.

But that's what you should be investing your time doing, finding legal representation.

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:24 AM

Beause I live with my husbands past! We are in this together our kids life our life we both take our half share on caring for our kids weather it is phycially or financially! Right now it is phycially I have a special needs daughter did you miss that? Well we also took in two of my brothers who don't have a mom or a dad they rely on us for all there care! And we have one more on top of that! So I think you missed a lot! If my husband has to ditch his half on me because of her when she could have prevented all of this then yes I'm left with the crappy end!

MsMewiththat · Apr 15, 2009, 11:26 AM

OKAY HOLD THE PHONE. HOLY CAT FIGHT!

OP
You keep you saying "all of you" and you are not realizing that you have several people that are agreeing with the facts of this situation as you have laid them before us. It was unlawful for her to engage in sexual activity with him. He was victimized. That isn't being taken away from you, at least not by the majority of the people that have responded. Can you do something legally about that yes.
Will the mother be convicted of anything? Who knows until you try. One thing that will come out of that is hopefully the father (your husband) will feel better that the abuse that he was subjected to was acknowledged and dealt with.
AFTER THAT:
Then what?
You can petition the court for custody. Doesn't mean you will get it. IF you don't get full custody you will get visitation. Those visitation rights will get you closer to this child and hopefully you will establish a good relationship with him.
HOWEVER:
You are not making matters any better by stirring the pot. IF you are on here simply to vent your anger and frustration fantastic get it out. But as far as answering your question we have done that. IT appears you want someone to be upset with and beat up. Take the answers given to you and be proactive. Understand that by beating up his mother you are not doing this child any favors AT ALL.
WORK IT OUT

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:27 AM

And we don't have money becuaz it goes to the kids we are caring for and him! Once we are more stable then he can go bak to work!

Or my daughter is medically stable!

mudweiser · Apr 15, 2009, 11:27 AM

I understand your going through a tough time. And yes, when it comes to finances you both carry the cross.

Like I've said many times, get a lawyer.

Sarah

Justwantfair · Apr 15, 2009, 11:27 AM

So while he stepped up so you could take in your two brothers, now you are the victim because of his past? What husband wouldn't love to hear that.

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:32 AM

You know I never thought of it that way!

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:33 AM

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

So while he stepped up so you could take in your two brothers, now you are the victim because of his past? What husband wouldn't love to hear that.

I never thought of it that way!

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:34 AM

I'm sorry it is very hard to turn tempation away when some one indicates u are wrong its very hard to not get upset!

Justwantfair · Apr 15, 2009, 11:36 AM

Good luck to you and your husband.

You are carrying a huge load and the additional burdens right now seem to be weighing on you.

Just do what you can to follow with and attorney or the police. Protect the child, he is the innocent bystander.

stevetcg · Apr 15, 2009, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by layla36

i never thought of it that way!

Listen Layla, I am probably the LEAST sympathetic person here and even I concede that what happened was illegal. I do not believe that he wasn't a willing participant, but that is just my cynicism showing. That's not the point though.

I am sorry if the assault is affecting your husband, but maintain that you need to do everything you can to fix the future, not obsess over the past. Yes, he may be able to press charges and its possible that the case may actually see the inside of the court. I doubt it... but again... opinion.

If the child is being abused, call the police. There is no other way to put that. CALL THE POLICE.

MsMewiththat · Apr 15, 2009, 11:52 AM

But do not listen to cynics. Follow the law and you will be fine. Also, only contact the police if you have proof. <-can't believe I said that. You mentioned that the child said something to your child. Sit down with the child and get the truth or the facts and act on that. If you are saying it was the mother and you are somewhat implying that because she had contact with your husband when he was a juvenile that she might be in a position to harm her child. <-that can't exactly be proven.

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 11:58 AM

No he came here and he was saying inappropriate things about himself and this boy is only 6 years old at the time! I have a six year old cuzzin and she says nothing like that and he told us that his mom almost stabbed his stepdad when they were mad at each other and I immediately got a red flag so I acted on it! I'm just saying she has a history of insest and her brother was convicted of molestation and for the boy to do that I got worried!

MsMewiththat · Apr 15, 2009, 12:02 PM

Rightfully so. It would raise all kinds of red flags for me as well. However, knowing the truth is the main goal in acting upon it. So are you saying that her brother molested her or someone else and who was her insestious relationship with?. and all of this came to you by way of your husband?

I just want to add that Loving is selfless. A lot of your communication today is centered around the affect this situation is having on you. I understand that your children are affected, but that affects you as well. It's okay to vent, but don't allow your husband or yourself to stay focused on yourselves for too long. If all that you are saying is true you have a little boy that needs a good home. <--- therefore, you have work to do.

stevetcg · Apr 15, 2009, 12:04 PM

Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Rightfully so. It would raise all kinds of red flags for me as well. So areyou saying that her brother molested her or someone else and who was her insestious relationship with? ...and all of this came to you by way of your husband?

And is this the same brother that your husband is still good friends with?

layla36 · Apr 15, 2009, 12:06 PM

Well prior to the incedent him and other friends would go over to there house and see them doing things bro and sisters shouldn't do! Then here other brother is not the one who he used to hang out with but a different one enyway he was convicted of that!

Justwantfair · Apr 15, 2009, 12:07 PM

It's too bad, sounds like everyone in this situation is a victim in someway shape or form.

Do your research and talk to an attorney.

MsMewiththat · Apr 15, 2009, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by layla36

well prior to the incedent him and other frends would go over to there house and see them doing things bro and sisters shouldnt do! then here other brother is not the one who he used to hang out with but a differnt one enyway he was convicted of that!

This came way of your husband? Or were you around? I am saying there are families that are troubled but concentrate on the facts.