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Concerned Step · Apr 14, 2009, 03:43 PM

I have become increasingly disappointed and concerned with the lack of rights and respect that I seem to have as a Stepfather in the state of Utah. I have lived with my once divorced wife for a little over 7 years. I inherited a 1 1/2 year old little girl from my wife’s previous marriage. Along with that bundle of joy I picked up the ugly side of the stick, her biological father. My wife and I have been the primary custodial parents the entire time. My wife stays at home with our 3 children, (2 of ours) and my stepdaughter. Person X (the biological father) has, for the last 7 years entertained himself by taking us to court over and over again. Since I am the primary bread winner I get to cut the check every time this happens. Not to mention the day to day expenses of raising his child. I cover her on my insurance and take care of her over 300 days and nights per year. It frustrates me to no end that I am expected to be the bread winner and provider for this little girl and her father get's to skate to the bank and disrupt our lives over and over again. In our most recent trip to court, the ex asked for a guardian at litem to be appointed to see if our home is a fit place to raise a child. We have been visited by DCFS and the police several times over the last 7 years. The ex has also taken us to court and perjured himself before the judge with all sorts of allegations.
My hope on this chat board is to network with disgruntled step parents like me that are given all the responsibility of raising a child and sharing custody with a jerk and getting none of the legal say in what happens to her. Secondly is there any tricks/laws that will defend us financially from his harassment.
P.S. Our commissioner in Utah is a complete sexist jerk that has never given cadence to any of our requests or petitions. Please help.

ScottGem · Apr 14, 2009, 05:41 PM

Do you have an attorney. Have you tried to adopt her?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 14, 2009, 06:23 PM

First as a step parent you have no rights what so ever to this child, legally you have no legal relationship what so ever.

Also you do not have any custody, your wife has the custody.

And in the opposite, are you collecting the full chid support he is suppose to pay.

Have you taken him back to family court for harassment over his constant reports

cdad · Apr 14, 2009, 06:30 PM

Is the NCP paying child support ? Are they also paying for their portion of health insurance ? What exactly are they taking you to court for ? If they do take you to court you can ask for recovery of court costs if that person loses. Another thing is that if they aren't current on child support then there may be an opportunity for you as the step father to sue them. Some states allow for that as you would be an injured party because of financial hardship. Don't let your anger get between you and your daughter.

Concerned Step · Apr 14, 2009, 11:23 PM

This last time in court the NCP was asking for a court appointed atny. To review my stepdaughters living situation claiming that we provide an unsuitable living situation. We did go to court and ask for atny's fees and travel (we live outside the state now). The commissioner that we went before didn't want to hear our argument. He threw both claims out without hearing our side of the story. I would love to go after this guy for harassment but I don't see how we would ever win that case with the commissioner we have. He has always thrown everything out and sent my wife and her ex to mediation where they can't agree on anything anyway.
I am a novice at the law but it seems that the judge/commissioners’ take our presence in their courtroom as a huge inconvenience. My only thought is why they would be judges in the first place then.
A year ago my wife met him in mediation and the ex set forth the visitation that we currently have in place. A year later he is taking us to court to complain about these rules that he has violated on multiple occasions I might add that he created.
In response to lack of stepfathers rights I understand the law and I realize that I have no say or no custody. I just feel that this legislation is ridiculously archaic. I have been more of a father to this child than he ever has and I get no say in her life. It's ludicrous. With divorce in our Country hovering around 50% there are broken homes all around. It's as if the court doesn't want the divorced couple to ever remarry. Why would anyone knowingly pick up this kind of trouble for his future family? More needs to be done to address the concerns of step parents that try their best and continually get taunted and stepped on by a Disneyland Dad.

ScottGem · Apr 15, 2009, 06:02 AM

Two questions you didn't answer. Do you have an attorney? Have you tried to adopt?

"Judges" don't like people going pro se. They often feel such people make hearings longer and more difficult to administer. But having legal representation will help you get what the law allows. The problem here may not be the law but your ability to make use of it.