[soon2be]

HI. I'm 19 and I go to college in fl. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. This past year we have been long distance because he is in the marine corps and stationed in NC. We want to get married and everyone thinks we are crazy. How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?

[aqua@home]

I'm not sure there is a right or wrong thing to do in this situation. I think your loved ones would be thinking about what is in your best interest, at least what they believe that to be. They are probably worried about your future.

All I can say is that you have to think about the future. Is this what you want for your life? You are young. Have you really thought about it? It isn't right or wrong but it would probably be a tough row to hoe. Are you prepared to live in a long-distance relationship for a long period? Just a thought.

[kp2171]

My gut instinct says wait. Be together. If its right it'll stay strong.

The reason I say this is if id married the girl id dated for 7 years by the time I was 23... wed likely be divorced by now. It really takes most people some time to understand themselves... even if you are grounded. You change as you grow, and a lot is still happening when you are in you young 20s.

The flip side is one of my best friends married his HS sweetheart. They waited till he was out of college. Married 10 years now, three kids, and they will absolutely make it.

So... just don't feel rushed. In the end, nobody here can tell you what is best. You guys might be perfect for each other.

[Krs]

HI. I'm 19 and i go to college in fl. ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years. this past year we have been long distance because he is in the marine corps and stationed in NC. We want to get married and everyone thinks we are crazy. How do i know if im doing the right thing?

Why do u want to get married now?

Have you 2 lived together before making such a huge decission on your future?

Marriage is huge commitment, marriage isn't only about love, there are so many things to consider.

[soon2be]

All throughout our junior and senior years of high school we practically lived in eachothers houses together. We have a hard time being happy without each other and know we want to be together forever. He's going to be sent to Iraq this year so when he gets back we want to be able to I've together while he;s in the marines and I'm in a school nearby. We understand how much work it will be we just haven't decieded when the right time to tie the knot is.

[Krs]

How about rent an apartment together for while?
Get engaged and Live together first.

[mysticque]

All throughout our junior and senior years of high school we practically lived in eachothers houses together. we have a hard time being happy without each other and know we want to be together forever. he's going to be sent to Iraq this year so when he gets back we want to be able to ive together while he;s in the marines and im in a school nearby. we understand how much work it will be we jsut havent decieded when the right time to tie the knot is.

I don't really see an age difference or preference when you are and not able to marry someone special. Although it is ideal to get married at later age but getting married anytime is not wrong either. One reason is it would be very much easier for you to evaluate yourself and your potential spouse once you are at that age or maturity. But you are the captain of your ship and no one else. If you truly love this person and believe with your knowledge that there's a potential of you and him then I don't see why you would not marry him either. I would think you have already thought all about the possibilities once you are married with this guy and what other factors that can potentially harm the marriage. I agree with some of the postings but I don't see why you should let someone stop from what you believe is your greatest potential. Many people that holding off till at later age would help going through this process and many people also believe by taking chances on the most important matter of their life can be successful. This is a life changing experience and must be thoroughly examined. It's all about a matter of choice. No one makes perfect decision. If you can see your great grandparents married at 15 and made it through together till death. Go do it. I actually believe that the earlier you marry someone the more chances you have staying with that person till death. So what is it that really worried you about?

[mysticque]

You seem like you are not a very optimistic person

[BIM]

My opinion is wait:) You are only 19 & you are in your first year of college (I am assuming). Why not finish college and see where things stand at that point. If you love him as much as you say you do, the love will still be there when you are graduated. This way you will have a degree to fall back on when you are traveling with him and maybe needing a job. I know from experience, finishing a degree right out of high school is easier that trying to transfer credits and such.

Maybe this insight will give you a different way of thinking about your circumstance.

[s_cianci]

Well, you're very young and still pursuing your education. Personally I'd wait until acquiring some marketable skills that have real income-producing potential. If you leave school now to get married you'll be spending the rest of your life waiting on tables and saying "Do you want fries with that?" That's very hard and very low-paying work. Spend your youth getting your education and building yourself up before getting tied into the responsibilities of marriage and family.

[mysticque]

Not to offend your argument s_cianci but if you are talking about financial stability and real-income I think you completely got your wrong foot here. Who knows she can do entertainment profession, modeling or acting. Those really pays more than any white-collar here. When I met my 3rd boyfriend at 22 he was already making 90k. So please before you make a really good argument. I would try considering other things before making it a factual note.

[talaniman]

What's the hurry? Why not focus on school now and get it over with so when your man comes back from his tour you will be in a position to start marriage from a position of stability. By the way what is his timetable for getting married?

[cromptondot]

I think 19 is terribly young. Even though you practically lived at each others house while in school,it is a big difference when you have your own place,pay your own bills,buy groceries,etc,It is a big adtustment to learn that there is always someone else there that you have to think of, their needs as opposed to yours,their wants, You have to learn to compromise,You may be perfect for each other,but to me it would seem hard to have a long distance marriage before I even learned how marriage is,What to expect etc. I think I would wait until things are more settled.

[kp2171]

Not to offend your argument s_cianci but if you are talking about financial stability and real-income i think you completely got your wrong foot here. Who knows she can do entertainment profession, modeling or acting. Those really pays more than any white-collar here. When I met my 3rd bf at 22 he was already making 90k. So please before you make a really good argument. I would try considering other things before making it a factual note.

Well.

Look where you are with your boyfriend now.

He's with another person, and you're left with an appetite for a life of luxury that isn't being fulfilled. Boo hoo.

You mentioned that I'm not an optimistic person in my earlier post. You are so clueless. Optimism and realism are not necessarily conflicting viewpoints. And if you really read my post, you would have seen that even though I said id probably advise waiting, one of my best friends was married to his first love and have a great life.

[mysticque]

well.

look where you are with your bf now.

hes with another person, and youre left with an appetite for a life of luxury that isnt being fulfilled. boo hoo.

you mentioned that im not an optimistic person in my earlier post. you are so clueless. optimism and realism are not necessarily conflicting viewpoints. and if you really read my post, you would have seen that even though i said id probably advise waiting, one of my best friends was married to his first love and have a great life.

What makes you think my 3rd boyfriend was a model? He was UNIX engineer and the only reason I left because he has issues. And just to make this clear. My last boyfriend was my 5th long term. You just don't seem to understand that it has nothing to do with money. Also I'll point out your logic from your own language.

married to his first love and have a great life.

Considering this boyl is her first love. I'd mentioned also in my other post that it's quite helpful to marry the first person you love the most because you have set your boundaries and his in a very narrow manner. Hope you see the logic.

[elan]

Well all I can say is I just got married a month or so ago. I love it I'm only 20 but some days I kind of regret it because we different we lived together for a year, but seemed arguing about small things increased as wedding got closer part that stress form her family, but I do wish we would have lived together for another year beforehand, my family including great great gramma said live together at least one year. We did, I recommond 1.5-2 years, may seem like long time but by then the marriage itself won't be such a drastic chanfe and you'll know allot better how you can handle each other without other people in house doing cleaning that you guys mayy not notice doesn't get done. We had that prob really bad, and now we struggle to try and make things fair in that regard, also getting see each other everyday in own place allot dif then when in someone else's as we found when we moved out of my moms. If its meant to be it'll last and you'll know when the time is right. Good luck in your endeavers, and I hope everythign works out well for you.

[kp2171]

Hey elan

Good advice. Marriage can be great, and it is work.

Hang in there. The stress before the wedding was normal... my wife HATED being engaged, she just wanted to be married, which led to our decision to skip the big formal and in a 2 week period we planned a wedding "vacation" with just a few family and friends, and then had a big party for the rest of the family and friends when we got home. It was a great idea. She hated the stess of the planning.

Don't be discouraged because you are young... despite most of the posts here (including mine) that say sometimes its better to wait a bit, that doesn't mean you did anything you'll regret. It means you might go through some of the normal strains of a relationship while you are married... which just means you don't blame the marriage for the "problems"... you recognize it as the normal bumps in the road, you're just a little more limited on your ability to get some space at times. And some of the problems are tied to simply your getting older... even though we're "adults" at 18yrs legally in the US, there's still a lot of wiring going on in most peoples minds for several more years. So some of the strains might be you still getting to know and define yourself.

The first two years of my marriage had some unexpected bumps... all things that you can work through, but things you just aren't expecting so soon... and things you might work through if you are together longer, living together. So it happens.

My advice - 1) be nice to each other, 2) talk about everything and 3) give each other some space.

Being nice sounds corny and something a 2nd grader needs told, but in some of the marriages I've seen fall apart, the couples were just not kind to each other. Even when you fight, try to be respectful.

You don't need to overanalyze everything to death, but if you never plan that vacation, never plan how to get that house, it won't happen or will be harder than it needs to be. My wife and I managed money fine enough early on, but we really didn't work as a team and take charge of our money and investments until a few years in. I'm sure being a little lazy cost us thousands of dollars and time. Same thing with vacations, trips, even dates sometimes. Talk about the things you want to do, and plan to make them happen. You might very well be doing this anyway. Again, my wife and I didn't always plan things out well enough and then would look up and realize that weeks had passed without our accomplishing something we wanted to do. Easy to get lost in the shuffle of everyday life.

And the part about having some space... again, you might be doing this already. But don't be so wrapped up in the marriage that either of you lose yourself completely. You both have friends to keep in touch with. You both need some recharge time now and then by yourself to get centered. My wife has had an awful year, events outside the marriage, and I want her to take a week soon, go someplace warm, sunny, with big water and veg on the beach while a boy named raul brings her drinks. There's nothing wrong with needing some time to yourself, and I think it helps the relationship as long as you both are on board. You guys will find what is right for you in time.

That's a lot of writing and noise, when I just wanted to say hang in there, be nice to each other, have fun, and don't get too down when things get tough. And congratulations. Its work that is worth it once you've made the commitment.

[blessedmom]

Hi, I dated my husband 2 years before we got married. I was 19 and he was 21. People said that we were too young to get married and didn't think it would last past 2 years. I'am happy to say that after 15 years of marriage we are still happy and very much in love. Yes in the beginning we had some hard times. That's because we were getting to know each other. If you and your boyfriend really love each other and want to get married I say go for it. Don't let anyone's negative thinking stop you from doing what you want to do. Good luck! Keep us posted![/B][/B]

[beautifuldiva]

Well said mysticque.. although I may agree with s_ciani on the waiting part.. it would be in her better interest to take care of herself first, however it sounds some what derogatory to conclude that she would have no real chance of building an education and/or getting a better job if she got married now. It is possible to have the love and support of a husband who encourages her to go to school...
Also, though it's common anymore since more and more women are working outside of the house hold, some women (not all) would like to be a stay at home wife and take care of the household.

And what's wrong with having a sugar daddy.. ;) jk jk

[LUNAGODDESS]

Guess what you know you are not doing the right thing because you have asked the question... have you seen the world yet... he will... have you live on your own yet... he has... he got a job with a future... do you... you will be home with the children... while he would be on the job with the Uncle Sam... a soldiers' wife life is a lonely life... you are tooo young to be a home... there is just so much cleaning you can do in your small apartment or townhouse that was built in the 1960's... yeah... you are too young to get married...