[erslbrly]

We would like to adopt a youth 18 years old or older, abandoned or for whatever reason is in need of and wants a safe secure permanent home, in a private and independent arrangement without going through a social worker or agency - how can we find such a youth?

[JudyKayTee]

In most States you cannot adopt without the involvement of a social agency. There is no such thing as an informal adoption.

Consult with a Family Law Attorney.

[erslbrly]

In most States you cannot adopt without the involvement of a social agency. There is no such thing as an informal adoption.

Consult with a Family Law Attorney.

According to attorney's legal opinion - In Illinois and some other states a person 18 or older is legally an adult and can consent to live wherever they choose and be legally adopted without the involvement of a social worker or social agency. Independent private adoption is not informal adoption, it still involves the legal process but without an agency or social worker. The question is not about independent or informal adoption, it is about how to find the youth to adopt.

[JudyKayTee]

According to attorney's legal opinion - In Illinois and some other states a person 18 or older is legally an adult and can consent to live wherever they choose and be legally adopted without the involvement of a social worker or social agency. Independent private adoption is not informal adoption, it still involves the legal process but without an agency or social worker. The question is not about independent or informal adoption, it is about how to find the youth to adopt.

I had no way of knowing you are in Illinois and that the age of consent in Indiana is 18 and what is allowed and not allowed when adoption is involved.

I suppose you would contact local Youth Agencies, young adult agencies, social groups for that age group. Whatever Welfare is called in Indiana may also have a list of foster kids who are automatically emancipated, although I doubt they would share the info with you.

I'm also sure they are going to have a lot of questions.

[artlady]

If you are willing to open your heart and home,I am curious as to why you are not opting to adopt a teen or preteen.
Trying to adopt an adult raises a reg flag to me as I wonder what your motivation could be.

[excon]

Hello, e:

I'm a little older than 18, but I could use a good home.

excon

[artlady]

Hello, e:

I'm a little older than 18, but I could use a good home.

excon

Now you opened a can of worms,all the ladies here are going to be in a cat fight on who gets to adopt Exy :)

[JudyKayTee]

Meow!

[ScottGem]

Let me get this straight, you are looking for someone over 18 to adopt? Its not like you know someone you want to help but are actually looking for such a someone?

Frankly, this sounds a little fishy or creepy. If I were you I'd use my money and setup a scholarship at a local college or get a puppy.

[erslbrly]

Let me get this straight, you are looking for someone over 18 to adopt? its not like you know someone you want to help but are actually looking for such a someone?

Frankly, this sounds a little fishy or creepy. if I were you I'd use my money and setup a scholarship at a local college or get a puppy.

We are sorry you are too shallow a person to understand. We are a couple married 37 years and are now in our 70s, who lost a child. We have a nice home and could provide for a youth and all nrcessary expenses, Further schooling/college. Help getting a good start. And he would likely inherit a lot.There are a reported thousands of youth who have aged out of foster care, or have been abandoned for whatever reason and are in need of a good home where they are wanted. Many of them do not want to be involved with social services, the system or agencies and would rather be homeless and live on the streets. In like manner we have had experience with social workers and agencies and the system and would rather not be involved with them. Over the years we have lost more than $100,000. To a surrogacy agency, which proved to be a scam,and other efforts to have a child. There is nothing creepy or fishy, we are not you and it's not your money. We have had two puppies who lived out their lifespans and are buried in cemeteries that are better then where a lot of people are buried and something you are not likely to understand.
We are not seeking, do not want, and would not except reimbursements or subsidies , etc.

[Synnen]

I would suggest volunteering at a local homeless shelter or the Salvation Army, or other places where people go when they are down and out.

However, you are risking a LOT here.

I would highly suggest going with an older teenager through your foster care system. It would be better for you--and them--to have at least some form of background check, known behavioural issues, etc to make sure that YOU are not scammed.

If you're really not worried about someone taking you for all you've got and running, then you can try asking at Student Services at a local college to see if there is anyone you are able to help out.

Frankly, I see you better served here by volunteering your time and donating your money to specific causes (both for your time and your money) rather than risking it all on a crap shoot of a person who may or may not return affection to you in exchange for your monetary contributions.

[Justwantfair]

Can I volunteer? :D

I am over 18.

[erslbrly]

Thank you for your positive suggestions. We have contacted many agencies in the foster care and related systems. They are not helpful because it appears that following their policies take president over doing what is really helpful to either the youth involved or those who would provide for them. We are coming to the position that we will need to find the youth we seek ourselves as you suggest. We may also talk with an attorney to see how they might be of help.

I would suggest volunteering at a local homeless shelter or the Salvation Army, or other places where people go when they are down and out.

However, you are risking a LOT here.

I would highly suggest going with an older teenager through your foster care system. It would be better for you--and them--to have at least some form of background check, known behavioural issues, etc to make sure that YOU are not scammed.

If you're really not worried about someone taking you for all you've got and running, then you can try asking at Student Services at a local college to see if there is anyone you are able to help out.

Frankly, I see you better served here by volunteering your time and donating your money to specific causes (both for your time and your money) rather than risking it all on a crap shoot of a person who may or may not return affection to you in exchange for your monetary contributions.

[ScottGem]

I notice you dodge the issues about WHY you want to do this, even though several people questioned it. If you can saytisfy our concerns we may be able to provide other suggestions.

[erslbrly]

I notice you dodge the issues about WHY you want to do this, even though several people questioned it. If you can saytisfy our concerns we may be able to provide other suggestions.

Ft's very late and I'm tired but I'll try to resond to this post. And our computer isn't working right and disconnects every few minutes so I'll send this rersponse in several segments. If IU can't finish it tonight I'll send mor from the computer at the library tomorrow. First let me say that most people who have experience the death of their child will tell you that if you have not had that experience yourself that you cannot comprehend it.

Next may I say that we didn't notice anyone asking "why". Mabe that's because we didn't see the resonses, we saw only two or three. Anyone who asks "WHY" wouldn't understand the answer if we gve one. We are not interested if misplaced concerns are satisfied, and any suggstions you could make would be useless. But for anyone who may have enough undertandng and capability to comptehend.we desie to practice agape love which is the love of God which is characterized by selfless giving without seeking anything in return.

We want to find a youth who has been rejected ( or otherwise lost ) his parents and all others and been thrown out , has no place to go, and no one to turn to who cares, and give him a safe secure comfortable and permanent home; his own room with a private enterance, with TV and computer, private bath and fireplace, a car and garage space. All expenses paid together with food and clothing, a college education and all the assistance needed to have a full and productive meaningful life. Just as we would have given our own son had he lived.

We find that posting on this site is unproductive and mostly generates negative shallow misplaced responses from people who have little experience with important issues in life and is unproductive. We will not read anymore emails, any sent will be deleted unread. An I will remove from the site as soon as I can figure out how to do that.

[artlady]

We find that posting on this site is unproductive and mostly generates negative shallow misplaced responses from people who have little experience with important issues in life and is unproductive. We will not read anymore emails, any sent will be deleted unread. An I will remove from the site as soon as I can figure out how to do that.

I am sorry for misreading your initial post.As concerned parents ourselves you can image that there were some concerns as to the legitimacy of your request.

Without further information that you supplied we had no way to know that your intentions were honorable.

I am very sorry for the loss of your son but I would have to say to you in all kindness,you can not replace him.

I think you are feeling a loss so great that you think perhaps you can take some of the emptiness away and I hope you do find a way to do that.I am not sure it would be a safe venture for you to accept an adult into your home who you knew nothing about.

As has been suggested here ,you could volunteer at a local homeless shelter or salvation army and get to know someone before you make such a serious decision.For your own protection.

I have had many homeless people in my home.My BF picks them up all the time but I don't think I would rush to judgment to have them live with me just by virtue of being homeless.

While an agape embrace is beautiful it must also be wise.The adage if you give a man a fish he eats for one day,if you teach a man to fish ,he lives,truly applies.

Be cautious and God speed:)

[JudyKayTee]

We find that posting on this site is unproductive and mostly generates negative shallow misplaced responses from people who have little experience with important issues in life and is unproductive. We will not read anymore emails, any sent will be deleted unread. An I will remove from the site as soon as I can figure out how to do that.

I believe the response would have been very different if you had posted at least part of your reasoning with your very first post. As far as the PM's, I know nothing about that. I am sorry that this has been a bitter experience for you and that you can get no help in your search from those involved with foster children. I thought that was an answer (and apaprently it is not).

Rather than remove yourself from the site it is easier to simply stop posting and reading, this thread will fall down to the bottom as other people post and it will all be over.

As far as little experience with important issues in life - I lost my son and my husband. You are not the only one who has suffered. Please don't tar all of us with the same brush.

If adopting a child will help heal your hurt, then by all means do so. I wish you well.

[ScottGem]

First, let me apologize. For some reason, I missed your response to my initial post (Post #10). So you did not dodge those questions as I thought.

Second, if you looked at your question objectively, you might agree that it was an unusual request. The fact is that I'm not shallow at all and your taking offense at what was a legitimate concern gives me pause.

Third, your attacks on this site, even though people did try to help you also give me pause. For someone who claims to want to practice agape love, you seem awfully ready to strike out at people and take offense.

Finally, your explanation of what you want to do would apply equally as well to an older teen (15-18) as to someone 18 or older. So I still fail to understand why you are targeting adults, a much more difficult target to find, then a late teen.

Be that as it may, you have gotten some excellent suggestions as to where to look. If you choose not to continue to use this site, it will be your loss, not ours.

[erslbrly]

If you are willing to open your heart and home,I am curious as to why you are not opting to adopt a teen or preteen.
Trying to adopt an adult raises a reg flag to me as I wonder what your motivation could be.

Your "curiousity is misplaced" If you know anything at all about the odoption needs, you would know that the greatst need is for safe homes for youth 18 and over who lack the skills and resourses to live on their own and who do not wish to be oa of the system. The reaon they are in that situation is that when they were teen and preteen social workers, for their own misplaced reasons, failed to place tem in homes that were available to them and where hey were wanted.
If a red flag is raised for you then perhaps your mind is in the wrong place. You may be uniformed about the needs of youth who reach 18 without a home, or you are out of touch with reality, or both.

[erslbrly]

First, let me apologize. For some reason, I missed your response to my initial post (Post #10). So you did not dodge those questions as I thought.

Second, if you looked at your question objectively, you might agree that it was an unusual request. The fact is that I'm not shallow at all and your taking offense at what was a legitimate concern gives me pause.

Third, your attacks on this site, even though people did try to help you also give me pause. For someone who claims to want to practice agape love, you seem awfully ready to strike out at people and take offense.

Finally, your explanation of what you want to do would apply equally as well to an older teen (15-18) as to someone 18 or older. So I still fail to understand why you are targetting adults, a much more difficult target to find, then a late teen.

Be that as it may, you have gotten some excellent suggestions as to where to look. If you choose not to continue to use this site, it will be your loss, not ours.

This is not an unusual request. It is you who are unusual. And you are shallow. Your concern is not legitimate. I don't consider it help, but quite the opposite. If you want to adopt a teen ( 15-18 ) why don't you do that. We don't. Onr reason we don't and the teens and youth don't either, is we don't want to be involved with people like you. You fail to understand a lot of things. Some suggestions have been fine. Other communication, like from you, is uncalled for.