[Runei]

Hey, maybe you can help me with this little problem of mine?

The story goes like this, 2 months ago I feel 6 meters and got hurt and landed in the hospital. I was for good reasons helpless, and required people to come and help me do all sorts of stuff. When I got out I had my wrist bandaged, so I could not use it, and my hands were hurt, so I had lost a lot of strength. For these reasons, also the time after I was out of the hospital, I couldn't do much, and had to ask people to help me, and maybe I got a little egoistic (too much of the good youknow :/ )

I was in a relationship with a girl for 6½ months, so it is quite many feelings I have for her, and I really want her back. She tells me she thinks it would be a good idea to have a break, so she could find out what she really wants. She is confused somehow, and I think I know why.

During this troublesome time I became a "wuss". All the things I once did - Martial Arts, gym-training, work at nighclub etc. I couldn't do this and became so totalla available. We were together a lot, and I think that was what made the "spark" disappear.

The problem is, that this Friday, we have tickets for a comedy show, and I would really like to go there, but it is with her. How should I be? Should I even go?

I gave her a necklace right after the break began, so she has things close to her, that reminds her of me, but I have kept my distance so far. The break started last Friday.

Any ideas on how I should be and react, if I even should go to this comedy show? I have slowly begun to get my life back together, working again, training again, meeting with friends, can I get her back? Saturday she kissed me and we slept together. Since that, we haven't seen each other much. Yesterday we didn't see each other, and I plan on not seeing her today.

[Krs]

I would suggesting meeting her for a coffee and have a serious long chat. Explain what you wrote here to her.
Communication is the key in a relationship and so I'm compromise, we like to use these 2 words when givinmg advice on relationships.

I mean she asked for a break but last Saturday you slept together so there is still something there?

[Runei]

Well, yes there is something. Saturday the "spark" was there again, but it disappeared the next day. I think she is confused, and we have had many talks about it. But my main trouble is how to react during the comedy show here this Friday, or if I even should go with her?

[chuff]

I think you should go with her and then take her home immediately afterwards. I would then wait to see if she calls you again. By going to the show your following through on your commitments to take her, you in an environment where she's going to have a good time and be laughing so hopefully she remember you with that good time. By taking her home afterwards you give her a little mystery and it gives her time to think about you in a positive light (since she's been laughing at the comedy club). Then by not calling her you letting her have her space and also continue to allow her mystery to deepen.

[Runei]

Nice, thanks! Well what if she decides to go to the nightclubs? I have an appointment in there with a friend. How should I react toward her, if we are both in the nightclub?

[Krs]

Don't act and be yourself.

[s_cianci]

I think you're on the right path ; take it easy for a while and back off. Give her some space. Perhaps take someone else to the comedy show (unless you've already made a formal date with her, in which case it'd be a breach of courtesy to break it, unless she's the one who breaks it.) Work on getting your own life back in order ; that's most important right now.

[Runei]

She is the one who has the tickets, and we sort of have agreed to go to et both of us. So right now we are going to the show...

Another issue in this problem is her ex-boyfriend Morten. When she moved to my city, he was her first boyfriend, and brought her into the community, and for that of course they have a special relationship. But she has told me over and over, that the only thing that happens between them, is problems. They are friends for a time, then they aren't.
She has also told me over and over, that he has no respect for her having other boyfriends, and once he made a relationship between her and a boy go down. She has also told me, that when we began being together, he almost succeeded in bringing the wrong feelings into her.

Lately they have begun talking again (after another of their problematic periods), and I'm afraid that he is manipulating her. Although she knows he is manipulative (and an idiot for that mattaer), it seems she doesn't have the power to stand against it, so I'm afraid he is directing her into another path...
Although it almost certain that anything between them will end with problems and trouble, I would rather see her not having anything going on between him.

Before we had our break, I looked at her cellphone, just to see what was going on (she looks at mine sometimes too, just for fun), but this time I had an itch. I found a message from her to him where she said: "I had a wierd dream last night. You had been captured, and I had to free you. And the we had sex in some beds that were there, because we couldn't wait." Of course she can't control her dreams, but it hurts me, that she plays with his feelings by writing this to him... I also found a message from him to her where he said: "Im so close just leaving here and coming home to you." I don't know what she wrote back, but she told me she wrote: "You would come in vain..."

Before anything will happen between her and me, I need this "threat" to be eliminated... How should I confront her with this manipulative tactic, and her own, perhaps unknowingly, play with his feelings. It's stupid that she writes it to her. When, how and where should I confront her with these problems? And what should I tell her?

Im slowly getting back on my feet, and getting control over my life. Now I just need to show her, that I'm the same I was when we met each other, but the problem is still, maybe, this troublesome guy, who can manipulate her...

[talaniman]

If talking honestly about your concerns doesn't change things then I would move on and leave her completely alone. Easier said than done but highly necessary. Too much drama and not enough love here for me

[Skell]

I have a feeling she isn't being completely honest with you about her ex..
Are you sure there is nothing more between them.
Something smells a little fishy and I would certainly take tals advice and talk openly to her about it..
If the response doesn't seem like the right one then id seriously think about moving on!

[JoeCanada76]

Okay,

1) She wanted a break. That is simple.

2) Why are you giving her gifts, after the break? That is a no no.

3) It should not matter if you are the star of a football team and all of a sudden end up paralyze that is not reason to leave somebody if you are serious about them.

4) She is not really that serious about you.

5) My advice is walk away and leave it alone.

Joe