[Mattg2]

I've been dating the same girl for almost two years now, we're still both in high school. We're our first for pretty much everything. She's my second girlfriend, I'm her second long-term relationship (first one wasn't very serious). I have never cheated on her, we are both 100% true to each other and we were probably one of the most happiest relationships around. We have so many inside jokes and experiences and just stupid things we did.

As of a week ago, she ended it. Here are some of the things she's said

She's been doing relationships since the 6th grade and doesnt want a boyfriend right now
She wants a break from relationships but there isn't anyone else she'd even kiss right now
She still wants to talk and to share things just not as me being her boyfriend
She wants to make herself happy and not making everyone else happy

I'm really confused right now, I know she wouldn't even touch another guy, so please don't suggest it.
Our to-be two year is coming up, I bought her a diamond ring and wrote her some mooshy-mooshy stuff.. I don't know whether to give it to her.

Can anyone give me some advice or help on this to relieve some stress?
Or what I should do?

[cvstone]

Okay here is the thing. I think the gift might freak her out, but I mean honestly if you and her still love each other than I think she would love it. Sometimes girls get freaked out, I mean she could have just been talking to her friends and they could have made a comment about it and made her feel like she needed a break. It is high school and some people find that one person in high school, but girls listen to their friends and sometimes follow their friends advice not thinking about what they want. I wouldn't worry until she acts different, or hints toward something else.

[Mattg2]

She thinks for herself, and her friends are actually trying to help me get her back, not that they're persuading her or anything.

Only thing is the ring was around 400$ and non-refundable because I got it resized, so what else am I going to do with it?

[cvstone]

I would give it to her, considering it sounds like you do love each other and I think she will really love it.

Maybe, she feels overhelmed and just needs some time to actually clear everything out, not meaning your relationship, meaning other situations.

[RIrwin]

I think that the best thing to do is to let her know what your feelings are. Make sure that she knows you will be there to talk about reconciling the relationship. However, after this is done I think you should go into no contact zone. What your doing is letting her know that it was her decision to push you away and it will be her decision to get you back.

Unfortunately the side that you are on has no choice in getting her back. All you can do is wait. Eliminating contact with her will show her what she is missing, and that she needs to suffer the consequences of the decisions she's made. You being there for her is just showing her that your ready to be the guy on the back burner, and you don't want that.

I suspect that she is confused and thinks that she wants to be on her own, but being on her own will actually show her that that's not what she wants.

As for the ring I would say don't give it to her. It may hurt to think this because you spent so much on it and it meant a lot to you, but it will only make you seem desperate. I'm sorry if you don't want to hear that, but being further down the road in a breakup that's what I would do. Good luck to you and keep posting with any more questions there are tons of people on here that love to help.

[Mattg2]

This is extremely helpful. Thank you so much - I'm actually saving this as a note on my phone to refer to it when I feel like sh*t.

I also didn't note this because I know what everyone's response would be but I'm leaving for the air force in September. Her parents divorced because her father was in the air force as well (coincidence haha).

[RIrwin]

Well thank you for everything that you will be doing for our country. Your sacrifices will never be overlooked thank you. I'm glad to hear that I can be a form of encouragement to you, just remember to keep your head focused. Now is the time for you to strengthen the other relationships you have around you before you leave. Call that old friend up that you haven't talked to in a while. Good luck.

[Mattg2]

That is precisely what I plan to do. Thank you again.

I actually found a way to return the ring after searching around. I also think I might just stay on these boards as well it seems like a pretty nice community.

[talaniman]

Glad you found something to do with the ring. I would leave her alone, as maybe she is protecting herself for your departure, and doesn't want a long distance relationship.

[Mattg2]

Glad you found something to do with the ring. I would leave her alone, as maybe she is protecting herself for your departure, and doesn't want a long distance relationship.

You're probably right. Oh well. I already returned it, but I wanted something for her to hold onto just for her to have until I come back? But hey, what are the chances of that.
I got my money back and actually wrote her a poem, and a long letter to top it off, and now into no-contact mode.

I found two pretty good ways to relieve stress from this situation in case anyone might have something similar.

- Lifting Weights / The Gym
- Go shopping, get what you want (now you have money, yay!)
I'm getting a street bike.

[Mattg2]

Threads merged and edited

I was destroyed and then regain self-confidence and put her out of my life, and went into no contact. She came back and asked me to go the movies. Yesterday she asked me to go to talk with her but I rejected her. She wanted to fix things..

Right now I can't make a choice of what I want and need some people's advice.. I'm really stumped

It's either being with her, or not.

When I'm with her... I have someone who's always loving and compassionate of me, she's beautiful we always have a damn good time and we always just get along and be stupid. We are great together and just do everything and have so much fun. We are so deeply in love with each other and just have our backs with everything and everyone always says we were meant to be. She was/is the only part of real family I've ever had, because I don't get along with my parents. The downside is I spend a lot of money with her, I don't get to party and drink and be with other girls and do all of that other jazz at ALL. I don't hang out with any guy friends or anything its like 100% her.

Not being with her, I get to party, and do what I want - freedom. I get to drink, and just live it up and flirt with other girls, and have more money and do whatever, whenever. I have guys and girls calling me all the time to go and do stuff and have a grand old time. The downside is whenever I'm not doing something, I'm real alone. I don't have someone there to just talk to, I don't have someone to just sit around and watch movies with, I don't have anyone to just talk and reflect to and be stupid as hell with.

I'm not sure what to choose... help?

[Mattg2]

I forgot to mention, I am leaving for the air force in 5 months. Everyone keeps telling me to just live it up and have a good time till I leave. Deep down I feel like I should stay with her because who will be there when I'm in the air force? None of these kids will be..

Reminder, this is the first girl I have fallen in love with, the first girl I have ever done anything with, the second girl I have ever even kissed. We have two years of just amazing experiences but I am so constrained.. I guess.

[shazamataz]

Perhaps she really did just need some space but how do you know she won't just 'need space' again in the future or decide that she 'just doesn't need a boyfriend at the moment' again.

If you really love and most importantly trust her then it's up to you whether you want to give it another shot.

You are young and have a lot ahead of you...

[talaniman]

Why not play it straight, and tell the truth. You know you'll be leaving so set her free, so she can get on with her own life, and you can live yours.

Neither of you know what the future will bring, but you do know how hard it is to let go, and let live.

Decisions, decisions.

[Mattg2]

So just a small update.

One month later she's already with some new guy. I really don't mind at all moving on with my life like I am and stuff but seriously, she's already with someone else not even a month after a two year relationship? I still care about her but don't want anything to do with her if that makes sense. I completely understand she's moving on and so am I but like the fact she's already with a new guy is kind of shocking to me.. I think I'm becoming a bit depressed.. Any advice? I'm having trouble finding myself confidence right now

[ajGambino]

I'm sorry man, she was probably thinking about it since she wanted the 'space' a while ago. When someone wants to break up and says that they need space and all that mess, good chances are they've found someone else more interesting (to them) than you.

I would keep staying away from her and be sure to avoid any type of contact.

[Mattg2]

You're probably right.. I hang out with a lot of people, who all somehow talk to other people, who talk to her.

Since I'm leaving in 4 months, would it be a bad idea to just drop all contact with everyone? I'm sure all of the parties I'm going to and all of the things I'm "doing" are somehow getting told to her. I mean, not that that's a big deal but I'm sure it is just making her upset and probably lessening the chance of us having something in the future.

[ajGambino]

Dropping all contact with her and others might be a good idea. Make sure you drop the contact from her for sure. When you go NC and do it for a while, you won't have to be asking the question about coming back.

[talaniman]

I think it's a lousy idea to stop enjoying your life, so she will feel better later. Do your thing, and enjoy it, as she is doing now, with her life.

[Mattg2]

I really need some advice guys..

I dated a girl for two years, we were really in love with each other. We lost our virginity to each other and everything. I treated her like a princess you guys don't even know, with respect and just everything... I don't know how to describe it.

She broke up with me right before our two-year because she didn't like the fact that I was partying with my friends (she wasn't allowed to at the time).

One week after we broke up she found a new guy and I was depressed for a good 3-4 months after that. I went no contact with her every since we broke up. I hooked up with one chick a few times, we didn't have sex.

She went out with that guy for 6 months and decided that she didn't like him.. all of her friends didn't like them and said they missed me so she started trying to talk to me again.

I gave in and started talking to her and like now we're talking and stuff and we act like we're dating again but she doesn't want the label boyfriend/girlfriend because I'm leaving for the air force soon.

I found out she's been having sex with this guy for a whole six months and when she said it she just described it like they've been having A LOT of sex and it hurts so much.. she's also been partying with him for the past six months. Like the one girl I tried to make the happiest ever and be the best towards dumped me, had sex with some guy for 6 months, went out and partied when we weren't allowed to and decided he isn't what she wants and now wants me back..

I just feel so horrible.. whenever I'm around her all my worries go away and I feel so happy and secure but when I'm not around her it seems all I can think about is the one girl I've put some much effort into and the one who I did so much for has been having sex with some other undeserving guy for the past 6 months.

I don't know what to do.
One half of me wants to text her and tell her this was a mistake and go no contact again so I can stop feeling this pain..
But the other half wants me to stay with her and be there so she doesn't just go and find some other sh*thead guy and have sex with him..

Help me?