[wonderingy]

In August my 16 yr old brother found my mom on the floor dead of an accidental perscription drug overdose... I am a 24 year old single mother and need to find someone who can relate or has went through a similar loss.. my life has been completely upside down ever since... every day is hard.. I need to be strong 4 my brother and son but am a total mess myself. Idon't know how to cope and need to feel like someone understands.

[dvdjdmdr13]

Be strong, don't let your paint pull you away... Just go out with your family, have fun, don't think about what happen, try not to go where your mom lived. Do things like that, you will never be 100% recover from your mom dead, but you will be fine. Good luck.

[JudyKayTee]

Be strong, don't let your paint pull you away...Just go out with your family, have fun, dont think about what happen, try not to go where your mom lived. Do things like that, you will never be 100% recover from your mom dead, but you will be fine. Good luck.

This is not very good advice - I realize you are 14 and posting on an adult board. I'm not even sure that is allowed.

I have no idea what "don't let your paint pull you away" means.

Grief and healing take time. A lot of time. Everyone heals in a different way, takes a different amount of time. You are in a bad spot because you have to be strong for yourself AND your brother AND your child. And it's not easy.

My advice to you would be to have your brother speak to a professional, someone who can understand his pain and upset and shock. I don't know if that's necessary for you - only you know that.

You have to make your way through this in whatever fashion works for you, in whatever time frame works for you.

When it's the type of death you describe there's more than the usual "survivor's guilt." I think everyone who loses a loved one in some way feels some guilt (some people more than others). You know, why didn't I see this happening, why couldn't I stop this, why not me. I know I did when my husband died and rationally I know there was nothing I could have done.

You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else and only you know what helps you.

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.

[marilyn09]

My mom died in November of 2004 from a prescription pill overdose, suddenly. It was, and still is, the hardest thing I and my brother and sister have EVER had to go through. I miss her everyday, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. What could have been.. all those what ifs, you know? The point is, no matter how hard you try, it will never go away no matter what people say. The pain is always there, it feels fresh. You will try to put it deep down an say you're all right, I've done that plenty, but really, it never goes away. I don't think there is one certain way anyone can "get over" a loss like this. You just need to take a deep breath every day and tell yourself to push hard, move forward, and take it one second at a time if you have to, and think of what your mom wants to see when she's looking down on you. I like to think that my mom is always looking down on us, and smiling, and missing us. I miss her an wish she was here to see how my life has changed, I am a mommy now. But I know she can see. It is hard, but you will learn how to go through your life feeling a little better every day.

[trulytrying]

Dear wondering...
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. This is so sad for you all. Here is a link to a grief and bereavement web site where I believe you will find some of the answers you are looking for... you can work through this with people who can really relate. They have chat rooms, message boards, and resource listings. It couldn't hurt to check it out.
You are the matriarch of the family now. I pray your heart is soon encouraged and strengthened for your new role that has unexpectedly been thrust upon you.
Here's the link...
Home Page - GROWW - Grief Recovery Online
I wish you all the best.

[trulytrying]

Oops... accidentally posted three times. Don't know how that happened. Sorry.

[trulytrying]

Wish I could erase the duplicates.

[stillhealing2005]

I am so sorry about your loss. My mother passed away in 2005 when I was only 14. It was 6 years ago, I am now 20 years old and I'm not going to lie to you. There are still days that are very hard. However, I will tell you, it does get easier. The timing is different for everyone. It took me about a year and half before I no longer felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Then eventually, I found a wonderful man, got married, and had a beautiful baby girl who I named after my mom. It is so much easier now because I have a wonderful husband who is supportive and comforting. The key to going on after something like this happens is to cry as much as you need to (your mom died, don't try to be strong). I understand being strong for your brother and son, and that's fine. But, you need to have a friend or something that you can just cry to when you feel like you need to. Don't forget about her. Don't avoid talking about her. Talk about funny times and happy times that you had with her. That heals your heart. Most of all, pray. I have no knowledge of what you believe and I am in no way trying to convince you to believe a certain way but here is my personal experience: When my mom passed away I spent YEARS blaming God. Why did you take her away right now when I need her the most? How could you let this happen? Don't you love me? Why would you want me to hurt like this? But after a long time I finally realized that blaming God does absolutely nothing for your pain... and when I FINALLY let my anger go and gave it God, let me tell you... I have never in my life felt so much peace in my heart. That is the ONLY reason I am able to move and be happy today and have a beautiful family and be able to enjoy it. Just learn from this experience. Remember that you never know how much longer you may have with the people you love, so never stay mad, always forgive, and love like today is the last day you have with them. If you live like this it will make your life so much happier and so much more rich. Again, I am so sorry about your loss. I know it is heart wrenching. I know words can never help these situations, trust me. But I just thought I'd share my experience and try to offer you some comforting advice :)

[mikeed]

I really appreciated this web page and posts. I am thirty one years old. Almost a year ago this coming November my mom died of an "accidental" overdoes of RX pills. She had a long history of substance abuse, rehabs, instituations. I just never thought this would kill her or she would kill herself. I will never know if it was intentionally or not. I am doing everything I can at this time to be healthy. I go to work, I am in therapy, I distanced myself away from unhealthy siblings etc. Just as it approaches a year it feels like yesterday. The past two weeks I feel lifeless no energy and tense all the time. I am constantly clenching my teech and fists. As I thought things would be easier they are the same or worse, New information comes up surrounding her death and her past. I have not received or begun closure on any dam thing. I don't know what else to do. I go to therapy once a week, I go to work, etc etc. I am really curious if there are any other "children" out there or loved ones who watched someone slowly kill themselves through years of active addiction to ultimately dying. When you are the parent to your parent at times; when a family is so powerless to watched a loved one purposely go to specific doctors for pills with the doctor knowing the patient is non compliant and abusing the medicine. In my head what I say to myself that makes it worse for me is that now that she is gone and with my father deceased about ten years earlier, I have no way of getting closure. I am so tired of hearing what you are feeling and expierience is normal. If anyone can relate or found real things that helped in the grief and acceptance process I would love to hear from you. My email is (mikeed79 @ AOL . Com)

[julynn37]

First of all, let me start by telling you how truly sorry I am for your loss.
I really liked marilyn09's answer, I think she has it right on the money!
I also lost my mom 6 years ago this January to a Morphine overdose that some loser was providing her off the street. She had struggled most of her adult life with addiction and I guess in the end, it just finally "won".
I had not talked to her in 8 years as I could not handle her addiction anymore and her lies and poison.
She had just about burned everyone in the family so no one was in communitcation with her. I didn't even think it would affect me the way it did as she was abusive to me as a child and abandoned me both as a child and then again as an adult. I received the phone call from my grandmother one day as I was leaving work that one of my mom's friends had found her dead. No one else in the family would help, so my sister, (who flew in from California), and I went to clean out her house. We had no idea what we were getting into. When we got to her house (trailer), we immediately became ill because of the stench. She had a ferral cat clinic in which she took care of stray cats. She would take them in, get them fixed and then find homes for them. I guess toward the end, she was so sick from the amounts of morphine she was taking, she totally let that go. Every inch of floor, furniture, paper, everything was covered in cat urine and feces, she had approximately 10 litter boxes and all were full. We had to wear paper bags on our shoes and masks on our faces along with rubber gloves. We had to throw our clothes away when we were done as we could not get the smell out. She had approximately 60 cats total. About 20 inside and 40 out. Not to mention, she had no running water as her well had broken and no heat except for a little space heater in her living room. She had a mattress in the living room that she slept on to keep warm that was also covered in cat urine and feces. She did have a boyfriend (looser) who was a truck driver and was never there I guess. I can't imagine he loved her at all because he let her live this way, and it was his home as well. She had dirty dishes in plastic bins that had not been washed in I don't know how long and on and on and on... anyway, this was not her when she was in her right mind. When we got to her trailer, her purse and clothes were missing and her "friend" that found her had cashed a check from her a few days before her death that pretty much totaled my mom's whole monthly income of around $500.00 (SSI). The police stated there was no purse found and no one knew what happened to it. It was just missing, along with her clothes. She had no life insurance policy that we knew of and could not find any paperwork saying that she did so we had her cremated and scattered her ashes in the mountains in Northern California. The police would not authorize an autopsy even though she was only 55 and this was sudden. But they did do a toxicology report which indicated she had 4 different drugs in her system, all lethal doses but the one that got her was Morphine. They (the police) acted like since she was some looser drug addict, she didn't deserve justice or some investigation. There were a lot of hinky things about her death and missing items and that check to her "Friend" Melissa, was forged, I had the bank send me a copy of it and compared it to other things I had of hers that she signed. I still wish we would have insisted on that autopsy. Now, we will never know for sure if this was an accident or homicide... people have killed for much less. Little side note... the guy who sold her the morphine died 5 months later of the same thing.
Anyway, losing a parent in this way is hard. It will be 6 years and it still feels like yesterday sometimes. If I had only kept her in my life, this may not have happened, I may have been able to help in some way.
Just take everyday like it comes and don't be afraid to grieve!! It helps to talk about it, talk about it, talk about it... I don't care if your friends and family have heard it a million times, you talk about it until you can't talk about it anymore. Same goes for your brother, you both can lean on each other, I know he is younger, but so was I and believe me he can take it. You will be there for each other and hold each other's hand through this. You will make it through. One day you will wake up and will actually be able to see a little bit of light at the end of that tunnel. Peace and Prayers be with you!

[sadface719]

My father died the same way in July,I feel your pain. I too am a single mother and it has all but detroyed me. I just keep getting up and keep on keeping on. I cry and then I just keep living. It's the worst possible pain, an unexpected death that could have been prevented. I got as many books as I could on grief, but I am still a mess emotionally. Time heals all we hope.

[melissaannevoy]

Please get ahold of me! I'm dealing with the same thing! I feel lost, I was 25 my mom died from an rx overdose, and I feel like I'm losing it! Please email me! Please... [email protected]

[melissaannevoy]

Hello. First of all, I want to express my sorrow. Second, I want you to know I understand, and hope to make contact with you so we may help each other...

My mother died February 22, 2009, of a precsription drug overdose, I was 25 at the time, with 3 kids. My mom was my best friend it's closing in on year 3 of her death. I feel so alone, lost and still angry. She was my rock... every hard moment of my grown life she was there fighting for me... despite the hard dark moments of hers. I feel like no one understands... please, I need someone like you... I've been lost hoping someone would/could understand... please email me [email protected]

[indigowaters23]

Hello,

I feel your grief. I too lost my mother to a drug overdose. What breaks my heart is knowing that she will never see me or my brother get married or have children. If I have children, they will not know their grandmother.

It's been almost three years and while it has gotten easier, I still feel there is a very essential piece missing from my life. My life will never be the same and I too think of her every day.

Hearing people talk about their everyday experiences with their mom is also hard. It makes me feel left out and cheated and only reminds me of my loss.

All we can do, is keep our moms in our hearts, even though it does hurt. And know, that there really was nothing that could change that terrible event. Even had we gone back in time and warned our moms, something tells me that they still would have used drugs and fate would have had its way.

I tell people who share this experience that all we can be thankful for is the time we had and the time we have ahead, because, it is the best way to heal.

Hang in there.

[indigowaters23]

Also, find refuge in those that are still living. While no one will ever come close to filling the void left by our mother's death, we can still find comfort in our friends, siblings, and other surviving family members. Life has to go on.

[tinytoes9421]

I can relate 100% my mom just passed away a month ago of an accidental drug overdose. I'm only 15 years old & it still feels like nothing happens. I came here for support & I'm glad I'm not the only one who this saame thing has happened too. Just stay string & pray she's watching over you I promise she is. I don't know if she gave you signs but I know my mom did & it helps me get through all of this .

[Payday1214]

I found my mother dead October 11th 2009.. 6 days after the birth of my second son... I was 23 years old.. She had been there for 5 days before I found her.. Her hole body was black and purple from decay.. There was blood around from her face hitting the sink.. And there was a needle on the floor.. The chief medical examiner said it was "accidental opiot overdose".. There's not a say that goes by that I don't miss her.. I was her only son.. But as everyone says it will get easier with time.. I have a mild case of PTSDfrom it though.. Nothing that requires any medecine.. I hope your brother doesn't experience that.. My heart goes out to you and him..

[JudyKayTee]

I found my mother dead october 11th 2009.. 6 days after the birth of my second son... I was 23 years old..She had been there for 5 days before i found her.. Her hole body was black and purple from decay.. There was blood around from her face hitting the sink.. And there was a needle on the floor.. The chief medical examiner said it was "accidental opiot overdose" .. Theres not a say that goes by that i dont miss her..I was her only son.. But as everyone says it will get easier with time.. I have a mild case of PTSDfrom it though..Nothing that requires any medecine.. I hope your brother doesnt experience that..My heart goes out to u and him..

My heart aches for you - have you found any peace?

[zoomom]

I have been searching a long time to find people who have gone through the same things as I have. I even went to a couple of Nar Anon meetings and no one has gone through the death of a parent. All their family members are in treatment or have been through treatment.
My mother died 8 years ago. She od'd and was in the hospital for 3 weeks before the drugs won. She had been on Xanax for 25 years (only approved for long term use for up to 8 weeks in the US). She also sought out any doctor who would prescribe her narcotics... a lethal combination. My sister and I tried to get her into treatment, but without my brother and father on board, it was hopeless. When my mom overdosed, we were not speaking. She was angry I called her doctors to alert them as to how bad it was and also angry I tried to get my Dad to agree to get her into treatment. To this day, I wonder is she ever forgave me.
I have just now, after 8 years, allowed myself to be angry at her. I know that she had a disease, but it is a choice to treat your disease or not as with any other disease (diabetes, high blood pressure... etc). I guess I never went through all the stages of grief. Maybe it's about time I faced my loss head on.
My sister and brother also suffer from addiction. When my mother was dying in the hospital I asked my brother if he now would agree to help up get her into treatment. His answer was "you can't blame her, she just wanted to get high." My kids have lost so many people in their lives that I am finding it hard to set boundaries with my brother and sister. But I don't know if I can go through this again.
The pain comes and goes, and when it comes, it is powerful. I try to find refuge in my nuclear family unit. I am blessed in that regard. But I know the only way to truly find peace with the loss of my mother is to deal with it.