Check out some similar questions!

8464 · Apr 10, 2009, 08:53 AM

This guy I met at work has really got me wondering. We hit it off right away and we had only talked once and he started to wink at me and smile a lot. He is not married and we have had a very unusual relationship. He told me he was a recovering alcoholic and that he has been married twice. His exes used him to get out of the relationships they were in. He then since has cleaned up his act with AA and with help from other friends from work and I. I started giving him cards that said that he was a gift from God and that he should not hang on to the past. I also told him I would never leave him like some of his friends who did leave him. I said I would be his life preserver. He thanked me for all the support. He has not had a drink for 4 yrs now and has really come out of his shell. When he was going through all of this he still worried about me and the health issues I was going through. He stated we are nothing but co-workers, yet he is trying hard to not show it but I believe that he does want more then friendship. He gets upset that other guy friends hug me or talks to me. When he comes to work and does not see me right away, he paces back and forth and when he finally sees me he calms down. He also says hi to me and kids around with me like we used to in the beginning. He tries hard not to show it, but I believe he cares for me more than he is letting on. The other things he has done, when my uncle passed away, he said he was sorry for my loss. When I called in one day to work, I was speaking with mike about getting that day off as they found a friend off mine near a dumpster from natural causes. The guy I like TIM grabbed the phone from Mike and was asking if I was OK. He is interested in the artwork I do. And he is so concerned with what happens in my life. However, when I have asked him to go for coffee or come to dinner at my place with other friends he has refused. Now, we found out that we are losing our jobs and he was afraid of telling me he was moving back home. Yet, he has been complimenting me on things and he also shouts my name when he comes in to work, others have heard this and they notice he comes by my desk quite often and/or looks in my direction often. But he has never asked me out and I gave him a book that I made as a joke and to thank him for all he has done for me. When we accidentally meet face to face, we just stand there and look at each other. He has a great smile and has been on top of the world lately. Have I lost it or is he trying to tell me something>

starlite1 · Apr 10, 2009, 09:04 AM

Hi 8464,

Welcome to AMHD! It really sounds like he is interested in you, but, he may be gun-shy for the fact that his past marriages left him real hurt. He is being stand-offish, and there really isn't anything more you can do. I mean you have invited him for coffee, etc and he declines. Actually, when he does decline, what are his reasons? I'm just curious.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2009, 10:18 AM

He stated we are nothing but co-workers, yet he is trying hard to not show it but I believe that he does want more then friendship.

Take him at his word, and stop seeing more, because thats what YOU want from him.

Your whole post is about your feelings and your assumptions of what he feels.

Sorry, but this is you not dealing with what he has already told you. His action, or lack of them, only leads one to believe your to far ahead of the facts.

8464 · Apr 10, 2009, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi 8464,

Welcome to AMHD! It really sounds like he is interested in you, but, he may be gun-shy for the fact that his past marriages left him real hurt. He is being stand-offish, and there really isn't anything more you can do. I mean you have invited him for coffee, etc and he declines. Actually, when he does decline, what are his reasons? I'm just curious.

He is not standoffish any more, as we are back to where we were before he was avoiding me. Does not give a reason, however, for the most part our work schedule is in conflict.

artlady · Apr 10, 2009, 11:18 AM

I think he values you highly as a friend but I don't see any indication that he is willing to take it any further.

In your desire to make this more than what it is,you are guessing at his actions and seeing what you want to see.

Be glad you have a friend who truly cares for you.

8464 · Apr 10, 2009, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

I think he values you highly as a friend but I don't see any indication that he is willing to take it any further.

In your desire to make this more than what it is,you are guessing at his actions and seeing what you want to see.

Be glad you have a friend who truly cares for you.

Why then does he get upset when other guys are near me, when they hug me and when I received flowers from my friend? Why does he loose color in his face when I talk of other guy friends. Why does he hug me and has gotton so close like he wants to hug me. Why does he watch every move I make? I am not dreaming this up, nor am I the only one who sees this.

talaniman · Apr 10, 2009, 03:00 PM

Just because a guy shows signs of interest, doesn't mean his motives are as you say, of romantic interests.

Look all I'm saying is, keep your eyes open, and be aware he is a co worker.

Its up to you to be objective and find out what he is thinking.

Yes all the signs you have observed could be that of friendship, or the attraction of an immature fellow who has trouble with his feelings.

Co worker, to friends, to dating, and romance is a to big of a step for anyone to take without a lot of thought, and investigation of the facts.

All you have are assumptions, based on your point of view, and not a green light, or promise of something good, or healthy.

I get you have feelings, and are attracted, but don't be impulsive, or impatient, or oblivious to the red flags, you work with this guy.

Sorry, you want someone to say go for it, I wish I could. Most workplace relationships are disasters waiting to happen.

ZoeMarie · Apr 10, 2009, 03:37 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Most workplace relationships are disasters waiting to happen.

From past experiences I've had, this is 100% truth. I couldn't agree more

taoplr · Apr 10, 2009, 04:04 PM

He might be clean and sober for four years, but he is still prone to addiction. It sounds like he is addicted to you, but has reservations about showing up in a relationship, or self-doubt in general or other reasons to obsess over you while staying away from taking the relationship further.

You like each other, but his behavior says that his inner conflict has him short-circuited. Are you his "life preserver?" Part of his support system? Support, but with fantasies of intimacy? A potential mate? He might not know. His physiological signs, like losing facial color when you talk about other men, getting upset when guys are near you, and pacing until he sees you all indicate TROUBLE.

Be a friend. Give time for both of you to mature what you feel about each other. If you take the relationship further, be prepared for a complicated, conflicted roller-coaster with poor prospects for stability.