[20anonymous08]

Wow this is going to be long... I need some advice. I myself am in a relationship and I have been for the past 6 years. This isn't a question about my relationship it is about my boyfriend's brother (we will call him Al) and his relationship. Well I met his girlfriend (we will call her Gwen) and we really got along. We are good friends now and have know each other about 4 years or so. Well I get along with Al but I dispise the way he is with Gwen. Okay so here is a little history...

When Gwen met Al... he had 2 kids from 2 different women. They got together and about a year into the relationship Gwen got pregnant. So now Al has 3 kids... 3 different mothers. Well after the baby came he demanded she find a job. She takes care of our daughter during the day. Well she ended up getting a part time job at nights. Like me... she gained a TON of weight through the pregnancy and (like me) has had a hard time losing it. Well Al tells her she is fat and she needs to lose the weight. He works a full time good paying job. He has a car that is worth over 70000, a motorcycle, a jet ski... well just anything he wants under the sun. But when it comes to Gwen needing anything... well she doesn't get anything. We pay her to watch our daughter and he makes her give it to him. She is always asking to borrow money because he won't give her any. His oldest daughter is 9 and she is very bad with Gwen. She will call her names and not listen to Gwen. Al makes fun of Gwen and there is his daughter laughing too. Al used to abuse his other gfs. As far as I know he is not doing this to her. They are constantly fighting. She has gone back to her moms on so many different occasions. On one of those occasions Al had a girl he picked up in El Paso at his house the WHOLE weekend. He told my boyfriend who in turn told me and I was so upset! I didn't tell Gwen about this because I have always heard they need to see it for themselves. Otherwise you are the bad guy. And I know for a fact that was not the only time.

She told me they haven't been intimate in a long time. She keeps saying she isn't going back... then he calls her up when he is done and she goes back. He used to do this all the time after she had her son. Every Friday he would start a fight with her so she would go to her moms and he could have his fun. Come Monday he calls her to come back. He really doesn't need to do this. She is such a good girl. She lets him do what he wants, leaves when he wants to. She called me crying one time that he came home late from work one day and jumped right in the shower be4 he said one word to her. She cooks, cleans, takes care of ALL his kids, irons his clothes, lays his clothes and a towel on the bed every morning! Yet he ALWAYS tells her that she doesn't do ANYTHING for him at all.

It is really ridiculous. About a year ago she was diagnosed with an illness and her doctor told her if she wanted to have another kid she had to do it now and they would have to monitor the entire pregnancy otherwise she would never be able to have another child. She asked him to give her another child... she wants her kids to have the same dad and this is her last chance. Well he fought it forever and like I said before were not being intimate. Well now she is almost 4 months pregnant with his 2nd kid from her. He told her he would give her the money for an abortion. She wants this baby of course this is her last chance. Well he isn't too happy so he told her the moment the baby comes out she better take her fat a** to work. And a week ago he told her... 'you better lose the weight after this baby or I am leaving you'!

She was going to claim her son for the 2008 tax year and he was going to claim his daughter. Well he told her he would claim their son and they would get more. He also told her he would split it with her... well he got the money and he went out and 7500 for another car for himself. He doesn't want to put any more mileage on his 70000 car. She drives a car that is beat up, it smokes it is really on its last leg. No kidding! And she uses this to take all the kids around! So she did not get a penny! While he has 2 NICE cars on rims, a bike and so on... She asked us to help her for our Godsons birthday party. She asked my fiancée to go help her put a heavy thing in her truck and take it to the store to get the money back... of course she can't lift anything heavy like that while she is pregnant! I guess he didn't want to break a nail. She has been having morning sickness and he still demands that she goes and pulls his car out of the garage every morning... rain or shine... 39 degrees... so what. She better do it.

We went to drop my daughter off at yesterday morning and I heard them arguing through the door... and she answered the door all crying! I hate seeing her go through this! My nephew was a collicky baby and I have a feeling that this one will be too! He constantly stresses her out! Honestly I could write a book about all the things she has gone through! I guess I am looking for some advice. Is there anything I can or should do? I mean I have told her she is too good of a girl to deal with him and emotional abuse. I don't want to be the bad guy and quite frankly I don't know exactly what to tell her. What should I do? ANything??

[N0help4u]

They need to see it for themselves. Otherwise you are the bad guy.
Exactly. She leaves him and goes back on a regular basis so really there is nothing you can do until she is so fed up she never wants to see him again... and MEAN IT.
In the meantime the most you really can do is tell her that when she does get to that point you will do what you can to help her to get out of the situation.
She needs to find a women's shelter that specializes in abused women. Some will even help relocate her to a town where she won't be found. Ask her where she is in her relationship and wanting to stay with him.
If she says she still has hope that he will change then there is nothing you can do at this point.

[talaniman]

Be a supportive friend, and stay out of this mess, as she will be hurt, and need your support. This is her situation to deal with.