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Arzy99 · Apr 6, 2009, 04:08 PM

I know I'm inexperienced in such an issue to say the least... but how about when you are in atlantic city, book a nice little spa day for the two of u if its possible (something like that).. at least relax the mood and the emotions.. it may help with the overall talk later on and things may be a lot more smooth.. what do u think?.
Otherwise Rome, you prob already know how highly I think of you... you have come a LONG LONG way from your first posts... overcoming heartache, jealousy issues and insecurity issues.. DEFINITELY an inspiration to anyone on this board!.
I just want you to remember that these challenges, these problems.. are causing stress because you will grow from them, learn from them... and I truly hope and believe it will make your relationship with your future wife a lot lot stronger...

Problems to the eyes of a normal man are just problems... whereas problems to the eyes of a great man are opportunities - opportunities to grow, to learn, to strengthen...
And I don't think you're just a normal man Rome...

Good Luck, Im sure everything will work out fine... you have my support!

talaniman · Apr 6, 2009, 04:48 PM

When your female is stressed, give her love, support, and a quiet strength, that lets her know you trust her judgment, and will be there no matter what she decides, or how she feels she has to handle it.

Let her vent, and be a good listener. That means being consistent with your behavior, and not add to the stress, or frustrations, as she gets herself thru this difficulty.

Sometimes quiet support, and understanding, works better than talking to her, about YOUR feelings, and it's a very subtle way of communicating love, and support, without confusing words, or feelings.

To pull it off, all you need is faith and confidence, and control of your words and actions. Wondergirl is right, having someone to vent your own frustrations besides your partner helps.

Make sure she gets the strength, and support, she needs, and the understanding, to not take, her venting her frustrations, personally.

Arzy99 · Apr 6, 2009, 05:02 PM

What an answer Tal!. had to spead the rep... Sounds like TOP class advice once again

bones252100 · Apr 6, 2009, 05:22 PM

Writing your thoughts on paper is great stress relief for any situation. You can put all your thoughts down (not in particular order), correct if necessary (not available during conversation) & actually tell yourself your own true thoughts. You will find thoughts that had never before crossed your mind but they will be your true feelings. Once you you have acknowledged & assessed your situation, then throw the paper away.
In this case, it might be helpful to give her the paper. You will have put thoughts on paper that you would not have brought into conversation. Give her the same paper you wrote to yourself. These are your feelings, thoughts & ideas.

jjwoodhull · Apr 6, 2009, 05:29 PM

As a woman, I have to say that I would not like it if you gave me the letter. If I was already stressed out I would view it as too much information at once. I would probably (irrationally) see it as another attack. I'm not saying that this is logical, or that everyone would feel the same way as me, I'm just offering my opinion.

Romefalls19 · Apr 6, 2009, 07:40 PM

You guys were right, I decided against the letter, instead I channeled my thoughts and feelings into my hockey. I then felt a lot better with everything and have given my full support to my fiancé. She does seem a little bit happier today with everything and I'm taking the advice you guys are giving me. Thanks to everyone on here, venting here and channeling my energy into hockey has given me a whole new outlook on things. I'm going to worry more about how she is doing, than myself. She needs me now more than ever with all she is going through. So for once I will actually lend an ear and shoulder to her needs.

talaniman · Apr 6, 2009, 08:24 PM

She needs me now more than ever with all she is going through. So for once I will actually lend an ear and shoulder to her needs.

Sometimes its better to give, and be glad you can. It comes back to you.

But why do I suspect that's what you have been doing? Hmmmm.

Romefalls19 · Apr 7, 2009, 05:41 AM

Ha ha, you're right Tal, from this site I learned a great deal from all the wisdom that has been passed around. It's make for a better relationship if you are more willing to listen and care about the other person when they need it the most. No relationship can survive if one person is always selfish to their own needs