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tboy22 · Apr 3, 2009, 03:39 PM

I met my girlfriend just after new year and we've officially been together two months. Its got more and more serious and this is something I was aware of but didn't really bother me too much, I enjoyed being with her. We've told each other we love each other after I held back even though I knew I did.

Since we've both said this to each other I felt there's been slight pressure. Today we talked over the phone and she asked for space. I asked how and if she just wanted to break up. She doesn't want to break up just wants to chill out. We were planning a weekend together shortly but now she would rather travel away with family instead of this.

I'm already not able to see her all the time because I'm living 40 miles away in the week for a job since university. I'm going home to my family and girlfriend in a months time

I see her every weekend and in the middle of the week and we talk and text everyday. This is the first weekend we won't meet and I know tomorrow will hardly talk.

What should I do? I don't want to loose her and understand I need to give her space. I just don't know how offen I should make effort. She told me she doesn't want to break up just wants space?

Any advice would be helpful

orvylo · Apr 4, 2009, 02:15 AM

Why not tell her than you're OK with her needing space, but you don't know how often she wants to talk right now. Ask her to give you an idea of how often she wants to chat / get together, or possibly suggest that she make the effort right now.

The worst thing you can do is act needy because that will make her pull back tons more. Your only hope is to be happy and confident at all times and if she loves you and isn't in some kind of a really weird place in her life, she should come around. If she leaves, then she was not the right girl for you.

daveyamphibious · Apr 4, 2009, 03:00 AM

Everyone grows in there own time. If you love her, you'll wait for her and give her a bit of space. Let her know that. Also let her know your not going anywhere. Seeing a girl as much as your seeing her now might be a blessing in disguisse honestly. Seeing her on weekends and once during the week makes those times that your together even more special, and you'll get really close texting and talking on the phone everyday. But remember its only 2 months so still be careful. In the big scheme of things two months isn't very long of a time.

talaniman · Apr 4, 2009, 03:10 AM

Let her enjoy her weekend, and you make plans to enjoy yours.

Stunning07 · Apr 4, 2009, 09:02 AM

TAL is correct straight to the point let her know you can have more fun without her.

tboy22 · Apr 25, 2009, 05:22 PM

Cheers for the advice.

I gave her space, yet when we did speak it got awkard, I didn't know how to act and we would argue about the smallest things. It seem anything I tried to do was wrong. We've spoken and since split up. Now I am giving her space and I want the space.

I do hope we can sort this out, I miss her and I know she misses me from when we have spoken. I dying to text her but feel she should get intouch when its right for her. Is this right thing to do? Can't stand the idea of her with anyone else

Its crazy everything was so brilliant, and then nothing

Alty · Apr 25, 2009, 05:46 PM

This is the way it goes sometimes.

If she broke up with you then go to no contact, get on with your life, plan to live it without her in it.

It's hard, but you can't force someone to want to be with you.

Good luck.

mcneilm · May 10, 2009, 11:57 AM

Sounds like it's heading toward 'moving on' time. It is mysterious when they do that however. It's probably an indicator that there is someone better for you out there. Not easy, but if you break up, best to have 'no contact'. Wish you the best of success.

jmw0713 · May 10, 2009, 12:31 PM

I say enjoy the week end. Do your thing and let her do her's. See where you stand in a few days.

joshdom · May 10, 2009, 01:41 PM

Text/call when you want to and feel its right. If she doesn't want to talk she will tell you. The whole point of a break is to relieve pressure so don't put that pressure back on by defining how many times/when you can call etc. be flexible

Triysle · May 10, 2009, 04:15 PM

I don't think this implies that you need to move on just yet. Sometimes a little bit of space is a perfect change of pace in a relationship, and from what you said it's turning into a bit of a routine (seeing each other on certain days every week).

It's kind of ironic, but if you let her go now you have a much better chance of keeping her. If she does realize that she wants to break up, then good for her, and good for you. As long as you are happy with yourself and your own life, another person wanting (or not wanting) to be part of it is just a bonus!

~ Tee

jmw0713 · May 11, 2009, 06:39 AM

When a girl needs space... it's NEVER a good thing. It usually means you are either smothering her, or she is looking for another option besides you to move on to.

Respect her decision, and leave her alone until she calls you. I would limit calls/texts as much as possible right now, and just go off and do some fun things that you like. When she calls you, you can tell her all about it then.

If you are constantly calling and texting her, while on this "break", then you will be exhibiting needy and insecure behavior. This will have the opposite effect of what you want, buy re-enforcing her decision to take this break with you. You need to remain cool, clam, and under control through this point and follow her lead and "chill out".

tboy22 · May 25, 2009, 02:52 PM

Threads merged and edited.

Simply feeling abit down and thought I'd give this a try with not really anyone else to ask.

Split up with my girlfriend just over a month ago, we agreed to have a break as it got serious fast which is tue and fine too keep it healthy but it ended after she told me she wasn't happy. She repeatedly said she doesn't want to lose me yet we've hardly spoken.

I really want to get intouch and see if she's OK but I also know I want her back. Im worried I could get rejected if I ask to meet up for a drink. Is it too early? I know she'l be thinking about me, but I don't know how much and wonder if she does miss me.

I used to be at uni and it was hard being apart. Ive found a job since uni and come home to where we both are but now when its easy to be close to each other we aren't together.

Just don't know what to do. Surpose Im just finding it hard to forget her, miss her.

dudevill · May 25, 2009, 02:59 PM

Maybe some time apart could have helped deal with the break up emotionally. What would be different if you guys got back together?
What was the problem before? If you miss her and you two think about each other, then by all means keep in touch and at least be there for her as a friend, but unless you have resolved the passed issues, you can't expect anything to be different if you got back together.

tboy22 · May 25, 2009, 03:17 PM

Yes I believe time apart will be great for us, we said we'd meet up after a month. I think now its time to make effort or forget.

She had a problem of having a routiene with me being away in the week. I wasn't happy about it either but knew as soon as I found the job back home it would be easy. We used to meet up at weekends and text all the time. Hard for any new relationship mayb bcos it was so good when we were together, never had that before either of us.

I think I'd find it hard to be friends, that might sound daft I just loved her, and would be difficult for me.

I've been OK since the break up concentrating on new job and moving home just always in the back of my head. Think I'm kidding myself but Im a fighter and don't want to give up.

dudevill · May 25, 2009, 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by tboy22

Yes I believe time apart will be great for us, we said we'd meet up after a month. I think now its time to make effort or forget.

She had a problem of having a routiene with me being away in the week. I wasn't happy about it either but knew as soon as I found the job back home it would be easy. We used to meet up at weekends and text all the time. Hard for any new relationship mayb bcos it was soo good when we were together, never had that before either of us.

I think I'd find it hard to be friends, that might sound daft I just loved her, and would be difficult for me.

I've been ok since the break up concentrating on new job and moving home just always in the back of my head. Think I'm kidding myself but Im a fighter and dont want to give up.

I get what your saying. Well if you think things are going to work now because the situation is different, then show her that. Show her that things are going to work out and be better. Take things slow though, you don't want to rush right back into a relationship. Even though it will be hard, you may have to start as friends and do the whole process all over again, but like you said, you're a fighter, and nobody ever said that the good things in life come easy, if you really want to be with her then don't be afraid to take things slow and steady.

kctiger · May 25, 2009, 05:02 PM

I think it is time to quit living in the past. You still have every intention to get her back, which proves not much has changed in a month. Leave the past alone. There is a difference between giving up and accepting things shouldn't be. Rather than treating this like a "fighter" treat this like a grown man, and move on. Perhaps you should take some more time than a month. Feelings stay for awhile.

I wish · May 25, 2009, 05:10 PM

Sounds like you are not completely over the break up yet. If you contact her now, you risk losing all the progress you've made since the breakup. You will have a false sense of hope. Are you prepared to do that?

I'm sure she's fine. She hasn't contacted you either, so that should tell you something already.

Wait until you are over the breakup before contacting her so that you feel more objective.

teastalk · May 25, 2009, 10:37 PM

In all honesty, don't contact your ex. You will only be disappointed. Even though I feel like I want my ex to call/txt/email/send me a smoke signal, it's only because he broke up with me. Don't contact her. Wait until she contacts you. However, I hope that if she does call, that it's at a time when you're all healed. It's a killer if she does call you and tells you something that you don't want to hear while you're not yet over her.

dudevill · May 26, 2009, 07:45 PM

I have to agree. The best thing to do right now is to wait it out until she contacts you. It's probably not a good idea to go out of your way to contact her if you're still thinking about her like this. Clearly you still have feelings for her, and feelings can alter your decisions and rational thinking.