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mudweiser · Apr 3, 2009, 08:54 AM

I used to volunteer at a retirement home and met this nice elderly lady, let's call her Edna.

Edna has quite some money [so I've been told not by only her but the gossipy nurses]. Her children barely see her, let alone call her. I didn't talk to her because of pity but because she actually had very interesting things to say and her life experiences were something out of a movie. She's wonderful.

As all good things come to an end, one day Edna's daughter was in her room and I briefly introduced myself [well I didn't really have to, turns out Edna was telling her and the rest of the family about me]. About 20 min later she caught me in the hallway and told me "to back off" and stop talking to her mother and that I'm not getting a penny from them just because I'm making friends with her. I explained to her that this was not my intention nor did I want anything from Edna.

I kept visiting her regardless [did I do the wrong thing here?] and maintained contact. Last week a got quite an earful when her son called me [Edna has my telephone number]and basically cussed me out.

I'm a little lost. I don't want to stop talking to her, she'd be really lonely- all her kids ever come to see her or talk to her about is money.

What should I do?

MRS.S

spitvenom · Apr 3, 2009, 09:08 AM

That is horrible. I have read your other posts and you are most definitely a caring and nice person. It shows what kind of people her kids are. I know myself and I would keep visiting her (I love confrontations). These people sound like they would be relentless in getting you to stay away from their money, I mean mother. I don't know what legal actions they could take but I am sure someone on here can answer that part. I guess it comes down to Do you want to keep visiting your friend and deal with all the BS her kids are going to throw at you. Or just stop and not deal with the BS.

mudweiser · Apr 3, 2009, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by spitvenom

That is horrible. I have read your other posts and you are most definitely a caring and nice person. It shows what kind of people her kids are. I know myself and I would keep visiting her (I love confrontations). These people sound like they would be relentless in getting you to stay away from their money, i mean mother. I don't know what legal actions they could take but I am sure someone on here can answer that part. I guess it comes down to Do you want to keep visiting your friend and deal with all the BS her kids are going to throw at you. Or just stop and not deal with the BS.

Thanks Spitvenom that is really sweet of you to say.

To answer your question. This lady is in her late 90's, yes late 90's and her health is detiorating [sadly]. If I could make her last years in life happier, just by simply talking to her I would do so.

I'm more worried about things like:
-How to convince them I'm not "in" for the money
-If they can do anything to me legally

Thanks for your response,
MRS.S

Jake2008 · Apr 3, 2009, 10:12 AM

Mudweiser,

You need to speak to the hospital administrator. I realize you no longer volunteer there, but you visiting Edna, is, as far as her family is concerned, suspicious and threatening.

I think that in all honesty if I were the type of person you describe them to be, I would be making damn sure that nothing comes between me and the money. Sadly, that is how they see you as being- after what they are after.

You do not have to answer to them, however, just to cover your butt, I would have a talk to the administrator and let her know what's going on. Maybe if visits are scheduled, you can be informed of when they are visiting so you can work around it. The administrator may help you out here because the family sounds like the type that would hassle her too.

Edna sounds very 'with it', and you are GOOD for her bless your heart. I wouldn't stop going as she probably enjoys your company as much as you do hers.

mudweiser · Apr 3, 2009, 10:17 AM

Very good idea. I am familiar with the administrator as well so I know she would believe me.

However, Edna has a little bit of a big mouth- the only reason her family even knows that we talk is when she tells them. I don't know what to do about this either.

Also, she is very unaware that her family has been threatening me. I feel that if I tell her she would be heartbroken, or even worse get her angry enough that it'll send her to the hospital.

MRS.S

Jake2008 · Apr 3, 2009, 10:21 AM

That's kind of sad in a way. Edna shares with her family something GOOD that happens to her when you visit, and they take that as bad news.

I don't think Edna should have to not mention you. To the contrary, they should take a clue as to how they should make her feel when they visit, and be happy that she has a friend.

artlady · Apr 3, 2009, 10:27 AM

Hi Mrs.S,
How incredibly cruel and selfish of them.
While it is reasonable to want to protect their Mom,it is absurd to think everyone has an ulterior motive for being kind.
They say no good deed goes unpunished.
I would speak to the social worker on staff and get her input.
It saddens me to think that because of someone's greed and inability to see kindness in others that Edna and you may be forced to cut ties.
I wish you the best and would love to hear a positive update!
Good luck!

HelpinHere · Apr 4, 2009, 08:20 PM

For the legal side of it:
As long as Edna is of "sound mind and body", or you were friends with her while she was (as sadly, her health is deteroirating, and possibly her mental state with it. It happens) and she accepted you to come and spend time with her, then as a free person she has the will to allow whoever she wants to visit her and spend time with her, to make her happy...
"Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness"

Anyway, if her family is going to be this aggressive about the money, then maybe they don't realize the value in anything other than a monetary one. I would say that as long as you are making her happy, and you are happy to do it, continue to do so.

If the WORST happens, and she wills you some money or something of the sort, you don't want/need it, so just give it to her family. Even if they don't deserve it, you will avoid any conflict, and possibly show them that there is some good in the world.

Best of luck to you, and I appriciate your cause!

twinkiedooter · Apr 5, 2009, 12:26 PM

That is so sad to hear. I used to spend a lot of time with the "old folks" when I was a kid. I found many fascinating and true stories of how they lived back in the 1920's and 1930's (and earlier than that) from some older folks. You seem to be of the same ilk as I am in that the old folks have a lot to offer but no one is willing to listen to them.

I definitely would speak to the administrator about you visiting and stress to the administrator that you do not wish to benefit financially from any money that dear Edna may have and could the administrator kindly inform the relatives of Edna that you don't want anything except the companionship of a wonderful old lady.

Hopefully the family will back off after the administrator speaks to them.

Please keep seeing Edna if you can. I am sure you are the highlight of her week and she looks forward to seeing and speaking with you. It would be sad if your visits had to stop.

mudweiser · Apr 5, 2009, 12:31 PM

Many thanks to everyone who took the time to respond.

I'm following my heart and I will continue to see Edna, whether the her money hungry children like it or not. I now understand that I am not doing anything illegal or violating any laws. I have spoken with the administrator and she is now "in the know" about the situation.

Thanks again to all,

MRS.S

N0help4u · Apr 5, 2009, 12:43 PM

Tell them that if they are so concerned about her money that you are willing to sign a notarized paper stating that you just enjoy visiting her and have no interest in any money.
Tell them it is a pity that they feel she should be left alone with nobody.

Jake2008 · Apr 5, 2009, 01:07 PM

Good for you!

I'm glad the administrator knows what's going on. At some point, I'm sure they will be rake her over the coals as well.

Enjoy her company mudweizer, you are a blessing to her.

tickle · Apr 16, 2009, 04:46 AM

I just hope that her family doesn't make her miserable over this problem. Personally I would feel uncomfortable pursuing this type of friendship. As a PSW and caregiver interacting with the elderly in a certified position for over l5 years if I were in this type of situation and the family approached me, out of respect for the elderly person involved, I would just back off and just maintain contact with cards once in a while. You are a volunteer, as you say, and should conduct yourself accordingly in your community.

I had to come back and edit a little to say that families hire me privately to care for an elderly family member and at times the contract will grow lengthy. It is difficult under these circumstances to maintain a caring yet professional demeanor, but it has to be done. I have my boundaries, the same as I have a scope of practice. Both have to be guarded.

Ms tick (a caring Personal Support Worker)