[windyone]

This may be long but I would appreciate anyone who would read this and give me their honest input/advice. Thank you and here goes the drama in my life:

As of right now, I am living with my boyfriend of six years and our beautiful daughter who is 8 months old. He is a wonderful father and provider but a horrible boyfriend. Over the years, I've loved him and hated him. We fight like the ens and things have gotten out of hand WAY too many times(physically and verbally abusive). I'm just not sure if we should be together anymore. On one hand I want my daughter to grow up like I did with both sets of parents and on the other hand I don't EVER want her to see us not "in love." It's sad. Here comes the kicker:

Over the years I've been with my boyfriend, I've also had another on my mind and we've kept in touch almost the whole time I've been with him. This guy was my former co-worker and seems to be made for me. I know he can make me very happy. He's refreshing. We have our bouts of opportunity but it seems like every time one is available, the other isn't. Now leaving for him would be extremely difficult. My main concern is prying dad away from daughter and jumbling up my daughters happy little home and perfect routine.

Do I leave... stay.. Not sure?

[N0help4u]

It can't be too perfect of a routine if you are fighting.
They use to say stay together for the sake of the kids but the fact is that when there is not a good relationship and fighting on top of that then it is very likely that your happy little daughter could very easily end up in -and easily accepting- a bad relationship of her own. It doesn't sound like a good example for your daughter.

[liz28]

If he is verbually and physcially abusive not only do you walk out of this relationship, you run.

Not only is this relationship unhealthy for you but it is unhealthy for your daughter.

All because your leaving him doesn't mean that he stop being a dad to his child. He can still be a provider and dad without the two of you being together. If he chooses not to, they have the court for that.

Image if you stay and he talks down to you or hit you in front of your daughter? Image your daughter growing up in a loveless household? Image her growing up blaming herself because you stay with her dad because of her?

So yes leave him and it's good that you have your child interest at hand but this situation your in is dangerous for you and her especially since abuse is involve.

Now the next part the other guy. Yes talking to another guy while your with someone is wrong and cheating. However given your situation I can underatand your reason behind it but still it's wrong.

Now, I hope you leave your relationship with this guy and be careful jumping to the next. Yes, this other guy might seems like he is everything you want but there was a time you felt this way about your current boyfriend.

[talaniman]

We fight like the ens and things have gotten out of hand WAY too many times(physically and verbally abusive).

AND

My main concern is prying dad away from daughter and jumbling up my daughters happy lil home and perfect routine.

Your daughter sees a lot more than you think and I know she sees that things are not perfect.

Having said that, it's a lot more confusing bringing in another guy to play dad, and for you to be cheating in the first place.

What kind of message does that send, jumping from one guy to another?

I think being single, and focusing on your daughter, and not a relationship, is your best bet.

I hope you, and your current boyfriend, can be better parents than you are lovers, for the sake of the life that binds you together.

[Romefalls19]

Kids can pick up on emotions far better than any adult can. They realize when their parents are not happy and are arguing. I know this from experience, you aren't doing your daughter any good staying in an unhealthy relationship.

With that being sad, I also don't think jumping right to another guy would be healthy for your daughter either. Take time to be alone and get your things organized that way first

[CallMeBel]

When I was young my parents fought all the time. By the time I was about 13 all I wanted them to do was get a divorce. I wouldn't bring friends to my house because I was embarrassed they would hear them fighting.

If he abuses you, get out. And you shouldn't just get out of this other man that you may like. You get out for the safety of you, and the safety of your baby. All too often women get beaten beyond all recognition. After everyone tells them to leave.

His love for his child will not change if you leave him. But this needs to end now.

[I wish]

You are correct in wanting to put your daughter's best interest first. But staying in an unhealthy relationship is not in your daughter's best interest.

I'm not going to repeat what others have said, but I would add:

As for the other guy, you should not be comparing him to your current boyfriend. First of all, you have to decide if you want to stay with your boyfriend first. If you decide to break up with him, then you should spend some time to recover before you pursue someone else.

[windyone]

I'd like to thank all of you. This has given me a lot of clarity.

NOhelp4u- You post really made me think about my situation in a different perspective. If my daughter sees our relationship the way it is now then more than likely that is how she will base her relationships. It makes sense.

Yah know, it isn't right to cheat by no means and it's a horrible example and it DOES make the matter more confusing. After reading and thinking, I believe my best bet would to tell my boyfriend what's been going on, end it, and take time for my family to adjust to the change of dad being gone. Then after everything is smooth maybe a new relationship could start. All of this is a lot easier said then done... it's going to take a lot of strength to really do this.
Thanks for all of the honest and helpful posts!