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pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 05:10 PM

Ok so we have been dating a month and half and Im in love with him.. He needs space because he is under a lot of stress and he doesn't know how to handle it so HOW DO I GIVE HIM HIS SPACE?? Help me... tell me how I give him his space?

friend4u178 · Apr 2, 2009, 05:13 PM

You stop calling , texting etc. and let him make the choice of when to make contact. If he doesn't then you know he's just not that into you and you can move onto someone who is.

pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 06:13 PM

Threads merged.

We are 3 years apart in age difference.. I can't give ages but we are very in love with each other and we know there is not anyone else out there for us! We are meant to be... we met at church and we connected... WE LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH! The other night he broke down the other night and he said he didn't want a relationship anymore and MY HEART BROKE!! So then we fought for like 4 hours and I didn't sleep at all that night... I was up all night crying... SO we talked it over the following night face to face... and he said that its not the end and that its not over but we needed to take a few steps back in our relationship... WELL we are already at like stage 5 in the relationship or whatever stage I don't know... but anyway I don't want to lose him.

So how do I give him the space he needs to not push him away and understand the fact that we are not broke up!! I just don't get it!! HELP ME PLZz

mudweiser · Apr 2, 2009, 06:19 PM

First of all age is important, why? Because then us Ask Me Helpers could better understand the maturity of your relationship. May seem a little "ageist" or whatever you'd like to call it but the truth is most 15 year old relationships will not last, let alone have the right tools or maturity level to actually become long-term. Yes, there are relationships that do work, the key word is work. It's a lot of work.

I believe you should give him some space, he may have realized how fast you two were going and quickly wanted to put on the brakes on this relationship.

Bottom line, you can't make someone come back, you'll have to let them make up their own mind. Plus, it wouldn't be as great if someone came back into a relationship obligated rather than by their own choice.

MRS.S

talaniman · Apr 2, 2009, 06:25 PM

Got to ask this anyway, how old are you both?

He asked for space, leave him alone, he will let you know when he has had enough space.

ylaira · Apr 2, 2009, 07:18 PM

Oh that's one of the first things to learn... so to simply answer

1. Don't call him unless he initiated.
2. Avoid places where you may bump into each other.
3. Be busy so you'll be occupied with other things.
4. When you feel like you want to talk to him, just think "He will be more pissed."

heartbroke · Apr 2, 2009, 07:42 PM

Definition of Space:
The distance from one thing to another; an interval between any two or more objects; as, the space between two people
A short time; a while
Quantity of time; an interval between two points of time; duration; time.

Gift wrap it and mail it to him

pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:44 PM

Well see I don't think he will be more pissed... I talked to him today and we were fine... we told each other that we loved each other and stuff but he sounded sad and upset... I will be hanging out with him the weekend because we already made plans on hanging out and we have to because of our parents but I think if we hang out then it will get better after this weekend... just let me know what you think

mudweiser · Apr 2, 2009, 07:46 PM

Originally Posted by pandabear13

well see i dont think he will be more pissed....i talked to him today and we were fine...we told each other that we loved each other and stuff but he sounded sad and upset....i will be hanging out with him the weekend because we already made plans on hanging out and we have to because of our parents but i think if we hang out then it will get better after this weekend....just let me know what yall think

I really don't understand how this space thing is working. If you guys still talk, express love to each other and are going to spend the weekend together. This is a lot of mixed signals!

How old are you two- it sounds like to me that your about 13-16ish by the way this relationship is described.

MRS.S

heartbroke · Apr 2, 2009, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

How old are you two?

MRS.S

I think she is 13 and he is 16. Her name gives it away.

mudweiser · Apr 2, 2009, 07:51 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

I think she is 13 and he is 16. Her name gives it away.

If your right- then jeeze this guy just wanted something other than a relationship. Sorry but it's really straight out there. He said he wanted space either because:

a) she started getting clingy
b) he realized how young she is and doesn't want his friends to know
c) he just wanted "some".

I can't see it any other way.

MRS.S

pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:54 PM

OK well heartbroke your right but see the whole or deal is that... Before this whole he needs space thing came up we had plans to hang out this weekend... and we still can hang out and talk but not as much... ok see I'm very mature for my age... IM MORE MATURE THAN MOST 13 year olds... but I'm just needing help on how to help him out with his stress? And he is dealing with family problems that I know about but I don't think the world needs to know... YOU understand what I'm trying to say?

mudweiser · Apr 2, 2009, 07:56 PM

Originally Posted by pandabear13

....IM MORE MATURE THAN MOST 13 year olds....but im just needing help on how to help him out with his stress?? and he is dealing with family problems that i know about but i dont think the world needs to know...YOU understand what im trying to say?

It's great that you are level-headed. However this is a 16 year old, I remember 16 year old boys- they usually know what their doing.

The only way to help him with his family problems is if he wants to talk to you about them- at this time all you can offer is support and a listening ear.

MRS.S

pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:56 PM

No mudwiser your not right!! All his friends know me!! His friends are all of like my best friends so your wrong on that and to clingy no we were clingy from the beginning and he doesn't mind that... and the whole wanting some no he doesn't want that until we get married... SORRY I know him well enough but I just don't understand

heartbroke · Apr 2, 2009, 07:57 PM

No I don't understand any 13 year olds, they have their own language. I can read people from everything. There is nothing stressful about being 16. If anything its happy. You're getting your license and school is easy. You're too young for him now. Hes already in the stages of developing and you are barely starting. Mudweiser is right and quite beautiful might I add, so everything she says is just you...

pandabear13 · Apr 2, 2009, 08:04 PM

No no no... IM NOT JUST STARTING Just FORGET IT... I Don't NEED YALLS HELP... yall are just putting me down... I don't want yalls help I would like others people thanks... im not to young for him... we have liked each other for several years now... and our parents knew by the time I got to this age and he got to 16 that we would be dating and so yea whatever you know we are fine its just the whole stress thing and no you would have to know his life story to be able to understand the stress he has... Im sorry but I just don't agree with you because he is everything to me and I just don't want to lose him.

heartbroke · Apr 2, 2009, 08:30 PM

This is the process of young love, its unstable, and will be like that for a while. Sorry to say but you'll need to get used to it. Were giving you unbiased answers, don't get all upset, there is good advice here.

Nestorian · Apr 3, 2009, 01:08 AM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

No i dont understand any 13 year olds, they have their own language. I can read people from everything. There is nothing stressful about being 16. If anything its happy. Youre getting your license and school is easy. Youre too young for him now. Hes already in the stages of developing and you are barely starting. Mudweiser is right and quite beautiful might i add, so everything she says is just ya.......

I disagree, 16 was very stressful for me. You are making statements that apply to you but mean nothing ot others. Be aware of that, it causes too much confusion and anger.

To be honest on the point of 13 year olds having a different languae, I agree, but not that it's just 13 year olds. It's every one. Each perosn has a will of their own and the capacity to interpret information and precive information in their own way. Subject to interpretation life is, how very pliable it is as well. Always in motion, cahnging, and catching us off guard.

Define "I can read people from everything"? A rather big boast, and I'm curious what you may teach me, as I seem to under stand people, by reading them as well. However, I've come to realise that no matter how well I "know" some one, they will always surprise me.

Females start developing faster than males, or as some say "maturing". You are making a lot of assumptions, and I find it very missguided and missguiding.

Mudwiser is quite beautiful? Dude, this girl is here for your help and you tell her a cold hard truth about maturity and then act like a 13 year old boy that just ralised girls have appealing features? Hmmm, I'm sorry brother, but you called this one as you saw it and Im calling you out on it. I don't feel that she needs to be told one thing the shown that you behave contradictory to what you claim. It's rather rude, and frustrating.

I can see why Panda is so upset. Kindness and peace is needed, not ignorance, foolishness, and self richousnesss. As if we are any better than she is, I am very frustrated by the lack of compassion on this thread. We are spose to be here to help her, not tell her she is incapable of making her own decisions.

Not to worry, I do understand that we as "adults" are still human and make mistakes, and really don't know what is the right or worng way, but rather we just have more expierences. Still, we sometimes never learn anything from them...

Peace and kindness be with you.

Nestorian · Apr 3, 2009, 01:21 AM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

This is the process of young love, its unstable, and will be like that for a while. Sorry to say but youll need to get used to it. Were giving you unbiased answers, dont get all upset, there is good advice here.

Love, what is love?

And isn't is always unstable. I mean really what is the divorce rate at now?

Unbiased, I disagree. Your last post, which I picked at was loaded with biased opinions. As is the ideal "young Love". You've already decided what her situation is, and what it means, with out digging to the actual details. They didn't find the Tombs of all those Pharos by dusting sand off the floor, they had to dig for them.

Good advice, define good advice...

Peace and kindness.

Nestorian · Apr 3, 2009, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

If your right- then jeeze this guy just wanted something other than a relationship. Sorry but it's really straight out there. He said he wanted space either because:

a) she started getting clingy
b) he realized how young she is and doesn't want his friends to know
c) he just wanted "some".

I can't see it any other way.

MRS.S

It does not seem to be wise to assume such things. Not every one is the same. Your past expierences, may have bin poor, but not every one has them. Don't get me worng, those are valid, and highly plossible, but they are still only possibilites right now.

If you can not see any other way, then there is no other way... For you... Think about it.

“[Luke:] I can’t believe it. [Yoda:] That is why you fail.”
Peace and kindness