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Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 04:00 PM

... ok here's my newest problem I think women are sexy and I don't have issues touching them or having sex with them just finding a girl friend is hard. But I all so like men... or I think I do I like the idea of having sex with them but I don't find them sexy they can turn me on by doing certain things but I can only have sex with them in the dark if I tried having sex with them in the light I'm worried it would ruin it for me am I a lesbian?

I have a boyfriend I love but I'm worried about the hole sex thing because naked guys gross me out...

bronzebabe · Mar 31, 2009, 04:26 PM

I'm not sure of your age, or anything, but I think a lot of women find other women attractive. Fortunately, we find men attractive too...If you truely do not want to have sexual relations with a man, then you would be a lesbian. That is up to you, really.

Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 04:35 PM

Yes I do want to have sexual relations with him... I'm just worried I won't like it I don't know I do but I don't... men gross me out but I like the idea and the feeling of having sex with them..

liz28 · Mar 31, 2009, 05:07 PM

So maybe you should explore you sexuality. That's was life is all about and then you can decide what team you want to play on. Sometimes ignoring things doesn't do any good.

You said you " i do want to have sexual relations with him...i'm just worried i wont like it i", have you and your boyfriend had sex before? If so, does he gross you out?

Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 05:12 PM

No we haven't had sex yet but we are planning our first time to be on our Easter camping trip... I would like to explore more with other woman but its hard to get out there and find them.. and now that I'm in a relationship I don't want to just leave him and go for a little ride around the block and come back... it's not fair to him and what if he didn't want to take me back...

bronzebabe · Mar 31, 2009, 07:02 PM

Don't have sex with someone you don't love. And, especially don't have sex if you don't "like" guys. If they gross you out, maybe it's best to wait and figure out what you REALLY want.

LONE_DAD · Mar 31, 2009, 08:03 PM

It sounds like you are bisexual, but lean toward the lesbian side. I know a guy like that (he finds women attractive and loves sex with them; he also enjoys the male penis, but doesn't find men attractive. He says he is bisexual but leans toward hetero, or sometimes he calls himself heterosexual with homosexual (or bisexual) tendencies. You sound like his opposite. Have you considered trying it out with a tranny or crossdresser.

Caroljj90 · Mar 31, 2009, 11:21 PM

No I haven't but I have been with a few women its just hard to find a girl friend so I have to stick with men.. I'm actually pretty happy in my current relationship but I'm worried about the sex.. I don't want to leave him till I feel I have a damn good reason for it but I'm not going to go digging for one I'll stay were I am and if I stay with him then that's that if not then I'll get to go and try other things... I have no idea where to find a tranny other then at a bar...

shatteredsoul · Apr 1, 2009, 05:47 AM

You don't need a tranny.. and you probably don't need to have any relationship that is serious right now. You seem young and curious, and confused. All of those things are rather normal. You may not be a lesbian either. Sometimes physical relationships are just that, physical. In other words, just because you have an attraction to women, doesn't make you gay. If you are only attracted to women and only want to be in relationships with women, that would mean you are a "lesbian."
If you are attracted to men, but are uncomfortable with sex, then maybe that is just a natural awkward feeling you have. Being with a woman may be easier and less awkward for you, but that doesn't mean you need to be in a relationship with one. I think you should be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings. You haven't acted on them so you haven't done anything wrong. Maybe talking to him will help a lot. Don't be so stressed about having sex, and maybe if he knows how you feel he won't pressure you. Unless you want to be in a serious relationship with a woman, I doubt you are a lesbian. I think maybe bi curious because men and their bodies frighten you a little bit. Were you ever abused by a guy when you were younger? Do you have any negative memories of men that have triggered these feelings about sex with them? ARe you happy in your relationship because you are attracted to your boyfriend? Is he a great friend? When you kiss do you feel excited or grossed out? You need to listen to your gut feelings and your heart. You will figure it all out but don't be so quick to label yourself and don't be in such a rush to have sex with people. You must be selective and careful. Nothing wrong with wanting to experiment, but just be smart about it. Relax and try to enjoy your life!! You have your whole life to figure things out.

Synnen · Apr 1, 2009, 06:07 AM

So... is this boyfriend the father of the baby you may or may not have lost/aborted a couple years ago? Just want to make sure, hon.

You find men disgusting, but you obviously had sex with one at one point, from reading your other posts.

You need to refrain from having sex with ANYONE until you know what you like. Period. You should ESPECIALLY be talking to your boyfriend about all of this, because if you do NOT talk to him about a fairly major issue (not finding men sexy), then you're just using him, and no one likes a user.

How would you feel if you were with someone, and found out that they were thinking of someone else, someone not even your gender, in order to get off? How would you feel if your boyfriend, a couple YEARS down the road just announced that he was gay, was just passing time with you, so sorry? Wouldn't your self-esteem be just KILLED?

If you really prefer women, and don't find men sexually attractive, then you need to NOT date men. Sorry that lesbian women are hard to find--maybe you could join a club or go places where homosexuals go (for instance, there is a gay bar in my town). You could also come out of the closet yourself, which would help IMMENSELY. I mean, of course it's hard to meet women to date if you're a woman who doesn't let people know she wants to date women! That's just common sense!

Frankly, I think you have something FAR more serious going on than the questions you've asked so far. I would really suggest talking to a counselor to determine what your next course of action should be.

Caroljj90 · Apr 1, 2009, 04:28 PM

shatteredsoul.. I'm 19 so yes still young I guess.. and I have had bad experiences with men.. and I have done things with other women and enjoyed it. I suppose I am afraid of men but I also think that below the belt there is nothing attractive on them! I love being with my boyfriend ad when we kiss I do get excited

Caroljj90 · Apr 1, 2009, 04:37 PM

Synnen no the guy I'm with is not the father of the baby I lost that was years ago. I have come out of the closet all my friends and family know I like women and men... I am currently wait to be put in a counseling program. Have had sexual experience with a guy friend that went over quite well... and I have had sexual experience with a few girls that went over well to I'm just trying to figure out what I want in life... I kind of want to be with my boyfriend david for along time while one part of me wants to run away and be with a women or go out and experience more things... I'm not sure what's wrong with me

shatteredsoul · Apr 2, 2009, 05:54 AM

Please don't think there is anything wrong with you. It is almost like you see yourself as damaged goods. Your psyche doesn't forget when bad things happen and people abuse you. You relate that to the physical experiences you have with men. Counseling will really help and I hope you get into that program soon. Like you said, you are only 19! You have lost a baby and a struggling to feel comfortable with yourself, let alone with anyone else. Stop looking for acceptance and worth in other people. They do not determine your worthiness or value. YOU are okay just the way you are.. and the things you have struggled with in your early life will make you stronger. That is not easy to go through at any age. Give yourself a break and don't look to other people for acceptance. You won't find it. You must accept yourself for who you are and all you have been through. Then you will begin to heal. Everyone has had bad experiences and bad things happen to them, but that doesn't mean that is who you are. You seem like you need a lot of love and attention, start giving that to YOURSELF. I believe in YOU!

Caroljj90 · Apr 2, 2009, 02:20 PM

shatteredsoul thanks... I have a lot of things to work on its going to be a long year...

shatteredsoul · Apr 2, 2009, 02:50 PM

HEY if you see yourself as a work in progress, you won't have to stick with the "im a loser" mentality. I see you want to get better.. you are asking questions and looking within for answers about who you are and what you are all about. You don't have to just view yourself in a sexual way. Women often get the perception that this is the only way to be valued or appreciated. IT ISN'T! You have so much more to discover about yourself, the gifts you have to offer the world aren't just physical. Sometimes giving in to every impulse is unhealthy and you are looking to have more self control. Stay true to what you believe, respect your body and try to help yourself heal from all the pain in the past. You are what you envision yourself to be. Change what you see and start to claim yourself as beautiful, worthy, intelligent, and more introspective and wise than you want to recognize. Try listen to your spirit, this is what is guiding you to ask the questions and grow as a person. WE are all on an amazing journey but we can also create new paths when one isn't working anymore!

I really think this year will get better if you see yourself in a more positive way. See yourself as beautiful within, with a good heart and a desire to do great things. Many people who go through the most unspeakable pain, come out of it renewed and helping others and sometimes change the world. Think a higher vision of yourself and enjoy being 19! Trust me being in your thirties with a mortgage, marriage, kids and responsibilities.. it doesn't get easier! It gets more complicated no matter what. Live life more simply and find the beauty in nature or animals, get your mind off sex for a while and look for some other kinds of stimulating activity! Anything that consumes you, isn't healthy.. try to find balance.. and I think your stronger than you know.