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jennaaa · Mar 30, 2009, 11:17 PM

I found this website and thought it would be worth actually venting to and I hope I get some type of advice.

All right me and him were together for three years on and off every time we broke up it was for awhile then we got back together but this time I feel like it might be different :/ Hes in a band and he was practicing for his show Friday today and lastnight I told him I had a feeling we were going to breakup and he said no bla bla and was giving me really short answers about it , sometimes he is so amazing and sometimes he acts like he doesn't care? But anyway he kept being short all day today too but I thought it was just because he was busy practicing and I flipped out and I was like I don't know what I did to you that you don't want to talk to me etc.. And he still kept saying he isn't doing anything and he kept saying I don't know and then I called him and he started saying our realationship was messed up and stuff and he told me he loved me but isn't in love and he wants to be with someone he is in love with and wants to try different things and he said he never wants to be romantic with me and he loves hanging out with me but its like going to the movies and friend kind of stuff? I was so upset and I just kept saying so were broken up and he just said IDK then he finally said yeah he wants to breakup and I have been crying for seriously 3 hours straight :/ I love him more than anything and I just don't know what to do.. we've been through so much and it sucks that he told me that because he never has before and I asked him why he waited this long to tell me and he said cause he finally got the balls to and he always wanted to tell me but never want to hurt me and make me cry and he said he felt horrible but like ugh this sucks and I just wish it wasn't like this he means everything to me and now he just doesn't want to be with me ? We've been through everything and I don't think I can go on without him :/ I don't get how he could fake something for so long? Someone just please help me out.. I really have no one else to talk to.. I wish he would realise stuff and come back then I would be happy. He is amazing I don't think I will ever find someone like himskjdgksjdlg ugh this sucks

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 11:25 PM

OK take a deep breath...

Ok.

The sky is not falling, the world is not ending. YOU WILL BE OK.

Pull yourself together 'I don't think I can do go on without him'? Are you right in the head, this guy just told you that he is not in love with and just sees you as a really good friend... I don't think I could go on WITH him!

This relationship isn't healthy, he's right. It's messed up. He tried to reassure you everything was OK but you keep on ringing back and basically whining, then you need to wonder why he wouldn't want to be going out with you?

I'm sorry to be harsh but sometimes it takes someone that you don't know to tell you the truth.

This isn't easy I know that but as I said the sky isn't falling down, you can breath... this too will pass.

I'm aware I'll probably be reddied for this....

jennaaa · Mar 30, 2009, 11:35 PM

Ah thanks I forgot to put that I'm 17 and he's 18 I forgot to mention a lot of things I think but jeeez it sucks I justdont know.. he was like my soul mate:/

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 11:42 PM

I'm going to go for broke here and tell you that No he was not your soul mate.

He was a guy that you loved but a soul mate. A 'soul mate' is someone that you trust and love and want to be happy. Your behaviour did not exhibit trust. You called him incessantly telling him that you were going to break up.

And if he is in fact your soul mate, it will work out between you.

Personally I don't believe in soul mates... maybe that's just my cynicism but I believe that you find someone that you care for and love deeply. That you understand and that understands you. Someone that wants to work on the relationship with you, through the good times and the bad.

Just my two cents...

jennaaa · Mar 30, 2009, 11:48 PM

You called him incessantly telling him that you were going to break up.

No no no I pretty much just said I have a feeling like lastnight and I was right ha cause we broke up tonight I just don't get how he can just fall out of love with me and stuff and put on an act like that and hurt me like this ;/

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 11:52 PM

Well it didn't happen over night apparently, even if it did it's his problem.

You are better than this.

Have a look at the stickies on the top of this forum, they are really good.

Get any stuff he has of yours back from him and start NC. It is painful to begin with but it gets easier, time is the only healer. Respect yourself and take care of you! That's all you can do.

jennaaa · Mar 30, 2009, 11:55 PM

Where is NC ? I will take a look at it

Thanks for the help

neverme · Mar 30, 2009, 11:59 PM

NC = No Contact

jennaaa · Mar 31, 2009, 12:02 AM

Oh hahah ifeel retarded but yeah I've been reading everyone else's and some girl had like the same problem as me but I feel like I'm going to crack and try to talk to him.. :/

neverme · Mar 31, 2009, 12:05 AM

To be honest, you probably will. I did, most of us have.. were still all human, but trying to heal is better than just perpetuating the cycle.

Edit:

That doesn't mean you should, it just means it might happen and if it does, don't beat yourself up about it.

When he comes into your head, do something else. Change scenes, go for a walk, change the channel etc...

jennaaa · Mar 31, 2009, 12:13 AM

Yeah I am always the one obsessing and calling andtexting him if I don't he will be freaking SHOCKED so I reaally want to try that.. mayb e he will want me back and see what he's missing?

jennaaa · Mar 31, 2009, 12:21 AM

My last thing didn't send haha but yeah I am usually the one who is obsessive and tries to text/call him and stuff when we usually breakup andif I don't try talking to him at all he will probably be shocked.. andmaybe see what he's missing? I hopei just don't know I wasn't prepared for this at alll

artlady · Mar 31, 2009, 12:28 AM

Honey,I know you are hurting so bad right now and your feelings are so raw that you can't think straight but there are some things you need to understand.

N.C. is not a game so that he will miss you and want you back.
It is so you can accept that the relationship is over and not try to get back together.It is so you can cut all ties and begin to heal emotionally.

He has made his choice and from the sound of it he has felt this way for some time,which means he has already gotten over you.He just didn't have the backbone to tell you.

You need to accept that what he says is true and know that you can't make someone want you or love you.

It hurts ,it sucks and it will not stop feeling awful for some time but there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself.N.C. is one of many tools you need to help you move forward.

For now,try to remember that you are a worthy person and you did not deserve to be treated this way.Know that you are strong and you will survive this.

Tomorrow is another day with more work so try to get some sleep and we can work on your survival skills tomorrow.

Romefalls19 · Mar 31, 2009, 06:35 AM

No contact is not a game of cat and mouse, it's not going to get the person back. No contact is supposed to help you heal and repair your broken life. Take a look at the stickies at the top of the page, they are a good start

jennaaa · Mar 31, 2009, 11:28 AM

Ugh yeah I barely got sleep lastnight I just feel pathetic I'm going to a show tonight and he's suppose to be there I don't even want to see him. I just wish I never met him. I can't even stop thinking about what he said in my head and it just keeps making me feel like crap and just making me cry. I mean I would want him back if he actually was still in love with me. It just sucks that the guy you loved for so long and the guy who completed you just said that stuff and left I don't know :/

kctiger · Apr 1, 2009, 05:59 AM

I know it sucks, no matter what age. Although hard to realize now, you WILL get over this. You are 17 and you haven't even began to touch the tip of the iceberg concerning life. Read the stickies on this forum, vent to us, and be around your friends as much as possible. Heartbreak is NEVER easy, but the first is usually the most difficult, as you are unsure how you will ever get over this.

In time you will look back on this and laugh, cherish the good times, and remember what everyone else has told you... "You will survive." Good luck. You have a beautiful life ahead of you, no matter how grim it looks now.

I wish · Apr 1, 2009, 06:43 AM

Many people posting on this site feel like they are experiencing the worst pain possible. Breakups are really tough and you are not the only one.

Like kctiger said, just remember the good times and forget the bad times. 4 years is a long time, with lots of memories.

Try to do things to get your mind off him. Spend more time with family and friends. Find some new hobbies. Go enjoy the things that you were not able to do while you were taken.

The pain might continue to be there, but at least you will be doing things that will cheer you up. Be proactive!

talaniman · Apr 1, 2009, 11:10 AM

Leave him alone, and deal with your feelings of loss. That's what ALL us humans do when life hurts us.

jennaaa · Apr 1, 2009, 11:36 AM

Yeah I had to see him lastnight and I had to leave the show because I just couldn't stop crying I even wokeup crying this morning and still.. I am suppose to go hangout with my friend today but every time I try to hangout with my friends I just end up thinking about it even more and wanting to text him. I use to hangout with him like all the time and now its just so hard , I never thought I would ever feel like this in my life. I just want it to stop and I wish I never met him :/

TrueFaith · Apr 1, 2009, 12:36 PM

Jennaaa sadly this will not be the first or last time this happens to you.

We all have to deal with this. And you are right it does suck! But only for bit =)

remember to pick yourself up and move on

Leave this guy behind. Don't text him why would you want to beg to be with someone that does not want to be with you!

That's not right get some pride back in yourself =) your young.. probable real cute ;)

you have nothing to worry about!

Go out with friends find a hobby to take up.. do something to get your mind off that loser.

and just stay happy