[egtt22]

Hello,


Well Im sure as I read this the stuff on this site, that this stuff comes up a lot. Well I have been reading and none of the others sound the same as mine so I though I would just ask?? 's I love to get advice... I honestly know the best advice to give but I never follow it myself.

Ok, here goes. Well my girlfriend of 3 1/2 yrs just broke up with me again almost like clock work from last summer (she missed it by about 2 weeks) last time she broke up with me I WAS A TRAIN WRECK and a half to say the least. Hospitalization cutting stalking all that stuff I was bad. But after about 5 long grueling months she came back bursting through my apartment door and not letting me go saying she loved me so much and how sorry she was (ahhhh that feeling). p.s she left me for another guy basically and some stuff that I really needed to work on which I corrected for her because I loved her

So for another 8 months roughly were back together better then before but still arguing a bit I mean who doesent, but almost out of now where she says I don't want to be with you right now AGAIN man I can't GET A BREAK lol

So we have the long talk and the tears come from both of us, she says I just want some time to figuring everything out I know in my head I want you and my heart belongs to you. Asking her are you un-happy she says no, I say would you be happier without me she says NO. Taking this all in was hard again but she is 19yrs old so I take it she's young but she is by far not dumb or imature. So I say I think we need to cut all ties (she FREAKS) and she says you better talk to me because if you don't it will kill me, its only been about a week we still talk just about every night for a few minutes before bed. I've seen her a couple times for a few minutes we went out to lunch before I helped her pack some of her stuff. Also asking about our stuff I say what about our dishes and all that stuff (we had lived together for 8 months but problems with our apartment forced us to move in with my parents the last 2 months) (plus she didn't really want to live here she wanted to go back to her moms house which I didn't like to much). But back to the going out to lunch and stuff we still hug and kiss and what not like crazy making out or anything of that nature but still a kiss and all. The problem is this seemed so sudden she seemed very happy but I guess I am just blind by love she says it can go either way she wants her tme to think about everything and remember why she wants to be with me for the rest of her life.


So I don't want this break thing or w.e to last aslong as 5 months again that will suck
So I don't know what to do stuff that helped last time was not talking to her and making her think

Plus the lasttime this happened I didn't trust her at all I trust her to the fullest now so this time it don't feel like the lasttime Im upset of course naturally but not like last time I pushed her away and this time I'm trying to stay strong and show her a little bit of what she's going to miss

I think she wants me to be miserable without her I don't know GIRLS CAN BE TWISTED LOL


But were still talking and she wants to talk to me and see me still so I don't know if that will work this time. She told me what kept her away for so long lasttime was a lot of influence by other and the fact that I was pretty much a physco. So this time I think I'm going to give her this space


She is already telling me she misse me a lot and is having trouble sleeping and it doesn't feel right I don't know what to do this time


My buddy says I think she just wants to live with you and only you try getting a new place and maybe that will help (thats just not in the cards at the moment)


I want her back I really do this is my soulmate I believe we have been through so much together for it to end


So hopefully taking this route this time with giving her, her time and space it will work


Any other suggestions this time


I know a lot of you will say it may not be Meant TO BE but I believe that to be false love to me is what makes this world go round and I believe in it to the fullest

And if she loves me as much as she says she does then I think we will make it through this

But like I said outside advice is always great to have

Thanks guys sorry about the grammar my fingers go faster then my brain sometimes

[kctiger]

For the life of me I cannot understand how you think this relationship should go on. It is natural to fight this, but in the end, you have to realize that this is not healthy. Your dependence on her, especially, is VERY unhealthy. This is life, and I will say it: It is NOT meant to be. Your story is NOT different, in ANY WAY, shape, or form, from anyone else who has experienced a bad break up. The feelings are the same, and it sucks. Time to get your life together so you are not so dependent on her for happiness. No relationship will work like that, and love is not supposed to be this hard.

Like you said, you are blinded by love, or obsession, which is NOT good. There is not a rational thought in your entire post. Sorry, but I feel this needs to end, for the well being of both parties involved.

[liz28]

If the two of you love each other than why did she ask for a break?

All because she wants to talk to you every night and wants to remains friends, you don't have too. Taking her thoughts into consideration is a thing of the past and her wants holds no weight. It only leads to false hope and it is exactly what is going happen.

She wants to keep you around for her lifeboat and even though the two of you are on a break she still have you wrapped aroung her finger because you submit to her wants even though it's not good for yourself.

Yo-yos relationships only keeps happening until someone had enough or if someone moves on. Maybe the two of you aren't mature yet to have the tools that it takes to make a relationship work.

It's time for you to stop talking to her and stop listening to her say " I miss you, I have sleepless nights because were not together, etc". It a bunch of lies and games. I hope you don't cut yourself, stalk her, or anything else destructive. Also, this might be her reasons for saying what she is saying to you know. Accept things for what there are and get out of this fantasy and face reality.

Soulmate, you really think his girl is your soulmate? Please tell me what this word "soulmate" means to you? Because I don't see it.

[Kayliesmama924]

Well I must say from a females point of view on the same situation. My ex and I went through the same thing for 5 years. Believing in blind love and in him I waited and took him back again and again. In the end I finally found out (whiuch he admittd) every time he broke it off for "time" or "space" he was with someone else. When he fessed up he said " well now you can never say i've cheated on you" I must say that was worse the even walking in on someone you love with another (ive don't that too) so my advise for you is to make it clear. You are HAPPY together, or you are going your separate ways. If the relationship is causing this much pain, then it's not true love, just a learning experience. Love is supposed to take work, it's not supposed to hurt so much.

I hope this helped even a little. Good luck with everything.

[artlady]

Love is an action.Its not words of endearment meant to hold someone to us.

Her words say love but her actions show otherwise.

You are her comfort.You are there to make her feel good and she is not thinking of you or loving you by doing what she does.

You are blinded by love and while it might make the world go round it also can put you in a hospital.

This sounds like obsessive toxic love.
No good for anyone.

[talaniman]

Stay away from each other. Your poison, and unhealthy together.

[jmw0713]

You both sound like you have MAJOR issues. I suggest you stay away and cut all ties, because right now she is trying to manipulate you into staying with her, with out you having your official job title of BF, and your mental health doesn't seem like the best right now.

You guys already broke up twice now. How many more times are going to put yourself through this pain?

Why stay in contact with her, when you don't want to?

Does she control your life?

Does she have your balls in a jar sitting on a shelf in her room?

Why let her control your life?

I think you know the answer to these questions. Time to be a man, think for yourself, and find someone better. You should seriously talk to someone about your own issues as well.

[I wish]

On and off relationships usually ends in "off". There are reasons she wants a break from you. How much more of this can you take?

If I were you, I wouldn't be able to trust her. I would feel insecure. One day she wants you, the next day she wants a break.

19 is still really young. She's obviously going through an emotional roller-coaster. She might keep saying that she misses you and all that, but instead of confiding in you and asking for you to support her, she's asking you to stay away (by asking for a break). That already sounds like she doesn't trust you and it sounds like she doesn't really like you as much as she says she does.

[liz28]

The OP needs to understand that the relationship is over. Staying in contact with her is doing mor harm than good. It just complicate things especially when your talking like your boyfriend and girlfriend and not friends.

I guess he doesn't want to let go because of his actions from the other break-up.

Stalking and cutting yourself isn't healthy. Before you consider doing either you should call 1-800-273-talk or 1-800-999-9999. Trained professionals are available 24/7 whenever you need to talk about things instead of hurting yourself. Counseling is another outlet and they can refer you to one in your area.

Time to cut ties with her because the fat lady has sung.

[ZoeMarie]

If she broke up with you, then you aren't her boyfriend anymore. You were right for telling her that you should cut all ties. Now it's time to do that that. You don't owe her anything. What if you guys do get back together, won't you be wondering when she's going to break up with you again?

[egtt22]

Whoa whoa sorry I guess I didn't explain myself that well


The cutting and stalking and all that was before this time I feel different. Well I really don't know why I do just do

I don't have the desire to hurt myself or follow her or keep tabs on her I don't because I trust her


But this girl did the having me on her finger thing last time it won't happen again well I'm still upset I'm still talking to other people atm I will not let myself be drug down again

I just like to keep hope that the person I love will figure it out and hopefully be with me

I'm sure I'm her comfort I understand that but she is expecting me to become physco again and to give her the reactions she wants but I won't its already shocked her and is making her think more



You all say its over and she is just keeping me around she did that last time

I'm 22yrs old I'm not stupid and when I said love blinded me, what I was meaning that I thought we were OK.

Im sorry I don't think its over at least just yet

My parents have spilt up 2 times now and they are now back together and have been for 8yrs and there doing better then ever

I do believe in love yes this is a conscious thought

I know what breaks are but why does everybody freak about them

Gezzz sometimes people need to be alone to think
Being upset can make you think about the best things in life too about great past events and what good things can come

But being up eachothers 's 24/7 is not good either so that's why I think she need her time as well



Im sorry I love her Im just not ready to give up yet

The adivce is all great truly


And when you say were toxic we are both still happier with each other then not

She dispised living in my parents house I really think that took a toll on her as well


Thanks guys


Once again sorry about the grammar I'm late for work lol

[egtt22]

And believe me the cutting thing won't happen I'm not getting locked up in a hospital for a month for that

I understand the letting go I really do

But why can't I keep hope


OK another thing she has 2 cusions both now married to there 1st b/fs but they both split up for awhile as well and both have been married for 4 and 5 yrs happily

God gives me the right to make my owns choices I love this girl so Im going to do what I can to make it work WHY NOT lol

Her telling she is missing me and loving confuses me a little bit but its not keeping me sain or intact so to speak

My friends and my mother do that just fine and I have control on myself


I wish you all could talk to me in person and her in person it would be a lot different then to just type it out lol



I love this quote

Its good for my explantion of being alone sometimes


The truth is everyone should compel themselves to loneliness occasionally, because most of your greatest achievements and thoughts come from loneliness. When you have a clear mind, and can evaluate your true self without the disruption of life minor fallbacks. Stop regretting the past and fearing the future..


Thanks once again man am I late for work lol

[artlady]

Our advice comes from a place of experience.
I for one am 54 and have led a very strange and wonderful life,much of it in a toxic abusive relationship.I didn't listen.
Like my Mother always said those that don't listen have to learn the lesson.
I hope you listen just a little and know that while some reconciliations work, many don't.
Good luck!

[liz28]

So if you had it all figure out by did you ask others what they thought of your situation?

I been with my fiancé for over 2 years and we never went on a break. Yes we have our up and downs but we worked throug our differences as a team and our triumps made us stronger than ever.

Your so called girlfriend asked for breaks to date our people then once she played the field a bit she comes running back to you and your would take her back with open arms because of love? This isn't love it' games.

Unlike you I don't have the time or energy to wait around waiting for someone to decide if they want to be with me. But different strokes for different folks.

Also, nobody never said that when your with someone you have to be around that person 24/7. That roadkill to a relationship. A relationship should not consume you and it's healthy to have a life outside of it.

[I wish]

We know that it is still possible to get back together, but the chances of long term are highly unlikely.

We're not sure how you can trust her, because she broke up with you, then came crying back. Now she's doing it again. We're assuming that she will come crying back so that she can break it off again?

You love her and you're thinking that eventually she will stop this emotional roller-coaster and settle down with you?

It's going to be a painful process and the odds are against you. If you can handle it, then no one is going to stop you.

[jmw0713]

Hold out all the hope you want. You are correct, it's your decision on how to work things out. We can only offer an outside view of things based on our own personal experiences. Future behavior is heavily based on past behavior. You guys are going to go through this cycle several times until one of you gets sick of it and finally ends it for good.

I mean it happened twice already.

So what happens when she breaks-up with you the third, fourth or fifth time?

Are you going to take her back?

How long are you going to continue to play her game?

These are questions you have to ask yourself. If you get back together, I can almost guarantee that she will break it off again 8 months to a year down the road.

You are dealing with a girl who has no idea what she wants or who she wants in life. You can't make that decision for her, she needs to figure that out for herself at your emotional expense. When she finally does decide that she honestly wants to spread her wings and find out who she is, and what she is "missing" in life, your going to be the one who loses out.

Just giving you fair warning.

I wish you luck and hope everything works out for the better, for both of you.

[liz28]

Well I guess she is going take a break once a year because he said she did this last year around the same time and most likely is going do it next year too. And the next year and the next year and the next year...

[Romefalls19]

Okay, I understand what you are saying but disagree nonetheless. First, there are people who can handle what life throws at them without taking a break from the people they love. I've went through some of the hardest times while in a relationship and while I needed space, I didn't say I need a break from you.

She left you the first time for another guy, saying you need to fix things but I'm going to go boink this bloke while you do it. If it's "true love" like you say, then the issues can be worked out while you are together. I had a HUGE jealousy problem, my ex couldn't help me, she didn't want to go to therapy with them to examine the issues and see that she was actually part of the cause with her flirting. The woman I am with now, has been by my side during this fight every step of the way. It has brought us closer together, and for the past 15 or so months, we have spoken every day. And we have lived together since August 23 and see each other everyday, and granted we fight and argue but don't feel taking a break would do much good.

You want to thrown around other peoples lives, my parents have been together for 26 years, high school sweethearts. They took lunch together for 26 years in a row until my dad got a new job recently. They never once took a break, neither has my aunt and uncle.

Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart.

[ZoeMarie]

Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart.

I think that says it all right there.

[egtt22]

I don't recall saying she wanted a break but if I did she wants space I can't remember I will have to read above

But she told me she needs space

It may be a game but she has also told me it could go 50/50 we could be fine or we could be done and like I said I want to keep the hope up of us not being done lol

And I do have back up plans there's other girls that for some reason once I become single come out of the woodwork like damn where did you come from lol I don't get it


Trust me it hurts and it sucks but its not beating me up like it did last time


I want it to work out right this time last time she new she had me so it was OK this time she is going to relieze opps I can't play this game no more its now or never

Yes we lived together and we pretty much did nothing else but be around each other so that didn't help

Living at my mothers didn't help

Yes I trust her what she did last summer made her look like a sl** in everybodies eyes even her parents they were very upset with her


Yes last year I took it so much worse but like I said before this time I'm taking it so differently I'm proud of myself


And I understand your all trying to help and give advice its great I love hearing it I really do it helps boost my confidence it really does so thank you all your complete strangers helping me out and that's great


But she needs space not a break

And when I mentioned the thing about her cusions and that her female family MEDICAL history is pretty umm I guess I can use the word LARGE

Mom was put in a phsc ward both cusion were as well


Spoken words from her mother and both female cusion SHE IS 19 we all did the same thing


So I'm if I love why not try and see if she gets through it all I mean wouldn't that make only make US stronger in the end

Looking back on all the hard times we had and we survied them

And about last summer too Im not living in the past any longer I'm looking forward to the futre I hope and pray with her but if not then I guess I will have to deal with that

I know what I want and its still her but there's plenty of other things I want that I need to work on to

My own home school lots of things



She will come back I believe my guard indeed will be down

Im a giver and a great friend I'm there for everybody so of course I will be there with open arms to the person I love


You all have experience I have some as well like my past and a lot of other I know too




I may make the mistake again by letting her in but don't we learn from our mistakes maybe if she doesn't it again maybe ill be done who knows


Thanks all

Ill go for ever on this if you all will lol