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oceansheaven · Mar 27, 2009, 12:00 PM

Ok, so I'm dating this guy, we have a blast together, we can always make each other laugh, and we are always goofing off. We also have amazing sex. Should I be concerned about the fact that we never have normal adult conversations, and we just horse around? We have a blast doing it, but that can't last forever right? It's not that we don't have anything in common, we actually have a ton in common, but we are never serious around each other (except during pillow talk). I don't mind it, I'm just concerned because when we aren't horsing around and we're not in bed, we don't really know what to say.

Justwantfair · Mar 27, 2009, 12:02 PM

Enjoy your time together... you will find out later if you can relate away from the horse play, but if you are enjoying each other than enjoy each other.

starlite1 · Mar 27, 2009, 12:06 PM

Time will usually tell if/when you can start talking with each other on a more serious level. How long have you two been together?

oceansheaven · Mar 27, 2009, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Time will usually tell if/when you can start talking with each other on a more serious level. How long have you two been together?

We've only been dating for a couple of months

starlite1 · Mar 27, 2009, 12:12 PM

It sounds too soon to start talking 'serious'. I would enjoy what you two have right now, and see where it goes. But, I must say, being that you are asking, are you starting to develop stronger feelings and you just don't know how to approach the subject with him? (Just an observation on my part).

oceansheaven · Mar 27, 2009, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

It sounds too soon to start talking 'serious'. I would enjoy what you two have right now, and see where it goes. But, I must say, being that you are asking, are you starting to develop stronger feelings and you just don't know how to approach the subject with him? (Just an observation on my part).

Yes, I guess I am, and I don't want to screw things up.

artlady · Mar 27, 2009, 12:21 PM

If you are intimate sexually ,you should be able to share intimate thoughts, feelings and desires.

Start the ball rolling.You might want to begin with a conversation about your lack of conversation.

Once a pattern is established in the way that you relate to one another ,it is sometimes difficult to break away from that it.I suggest if you want true intimacy,you change the pattern now.

starlite1 · Mar 27, 2009, 12:39 PM

Artlady - right again!

Ocean, I suggest to start slowly and say in a fun yet serious way "you know what I've noticed? We rarely ever have serious conversations" and see what he says.

kp2171 · Mar 27, 2009, 12:43 PM

First, you don't mention your age or where you "are in life"... school? Working? etc. not that I'm out to label you, but understanding your situation can help with some perspective perhaps.

You don't even have to be dating someone to get to know them in "serious" ways... even without it being deep talk about "adult topics"...

What are his interests? His goals? His drive? His passions? What does he hate? What sets him off? How do these things compare to you?

One of my big loves "lost" was a woman with whom I had a relationship similar to what you've described. We laughed all the time, chased each other all the time, had a lot of fun in bed. We clicked exceptionally well in each of those areas, and it was a joy to be with her.

We started dating with an attitude of "lets just enjoy this"... she was even OK if I dated other women. I never did, and she didn't chase other guys until the end of the relationship.

After two years of this, we'd still not had many "serious" discussions that might help determine compatibility... largely because we were young, and knew neither would be ready to get married in our very young 20's. Not to say I didn't know her well, or couldn't talk to her seriously... it just wasn't something either of us pushed.

It crashed and burned in the end (she cheated), but I think it was just her way of working back out of the relationship. And, like I said, we entered that relationship knowing we wouldn't be getting married... just two different paths in front of us.

Sure, I had some emotional baggage, but like I said, I knew from the beginning this was for a time, not all time.

Now... that doesn't mean your relationship will be doomed to follow mine one bit. That's not my point. And I'm not even saying I'm sorry I had that relationship. It taught me a lot and I had a blast and a lot of good memories with that naughty, fun girl.

So what are you looking for? Long term? Serious? Serious eventually? Or open to whatever happens?

As you spend time together, you'll likely get to know each other in the "serious" ways you mention... now... if there's never much of an interest shown in your life, your interests, your family, etc... then perhaps the relationship will hit a plateau and that will be that. Or not.

Even people who start "serious talk" early on aren't guaranteed anything.

As a relationship gets serious, I think couples need to be able to talk about money, goals, careers, sex, faith (or not), dreams, disappointments... and certainly the more overlap you have in some areas, the more likely you might be able to build something that lasts...

But that discovery is part of the fun of a relationship... even if the uncertainty is sometimes distracting.

slapshot_oi · Mar 27, 2009, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by oceansheaven

Ok, so I'm dating this guy, we have a blast together, we can always make each other laugh, and we are always goofing off. We also have amazing sex. Should I be concerned about the fact that we never have normal adult conversations, and we just horse around? We have a blast doing it, but that can't last forever right? It's not that we don't have anything in common, we actually have a ton in common, but we are never serious around each other (except during pillow talk). I don't mind it, I'm just concerned because when we aren't horsing around and we're not in bed, we don't really know what to say.

You're thinking way too much, chill out and have fun. The more you get yourself in this mindset the more likely bad stuff will happen.

If you need to, ask him for some space so you can calm yourself down.

I wish · Mar 27, 2009, 01:36 PM

The serious stuff will come soon enough and when it arrives you will miss these times.

So don't worry so much and just enjoy these happy moments.

talaniman · Mar 27, 2009, 06:38 PM

Just enjoy yourself, and see where it leads, I guess the honeymoon isn't over so don't push it.

teastalk · Mar 27, 2009, 11:03 PM

I agree that this is the best part of a relationship and that it isn't good to jump into seriousness too soon. However, you probably need to ease some serious talk into the relationship if you don't know what to say when you aren't horsing around. Otherwise, I suppose that the relationship might rip at the seams as soon as the horsing around grows old. The relationship needs to have some solid foundations. I'm not sure if you have solid foundations; trust, respect, honesty, goals, communication about important issues such as sex, religion, money... sounds like you have common interests...

sarah63 · Mar 28, 2009, 12:03 AM

Well I can see your concern, it is nice to have someone to goof around but sometimes you also need someone you can talk to about anything and everything. I agree that you shouldn't push it and you should just relax and enjoy but if this is your concern then why don't you mention it sometime as "artlady" said? Maybe he will also think about it and have a real conversation about it ;)

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 05:14 AM

First what do you mean by serious think because everyone might have a different meaning?

I think that you should be able to talk to your boyfriend about anything, in and outside the bedroom. Pillow talk is sweet but if you find that is the only time the two of you are able to converse than you need to change that.