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JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 04:05 PM

Threads merged and edited.

My boyfriend is the kind of person who likes to help people, people open up to him and he likes being there for people. He just recently started texting my sister a good bit. I am 100% sure that he's not cheating on me or that he's into her. I know he's not. But when he texts her it really bothers me, and he doesn't see a problem with it because I can't give him a reason as to why it bothers me. I really don't know why it does. Hes getting my sister to open up to him, but he will not tell me anything they talk about, he promised her he wouldn't. That bugs me too, because usually we are like each other's diary, we just tell each other everything even if we told someone before we wouldn't. But in this situation he won't tell me and it really upsets me. He told me I was being irrational and until I could give him a reason he didn't see a problem with it, I don't know what to do.. Am I being irrational?

teastalk · Mar 26, 2009, 04:09 PM

If you're 100% sure that he's not cheating on you or that he's into her, then things should be fine.

I feel that it is strange that he is not telling you everything like he usually does.

I'm surprised that he didn't reassure you when you communicated to him that you were uncomfortable with the situation.

Did you ask your sister what is going on?

Is your birthday around the corner or some other special event?

artlady · Mar 26, 2009, 04:16 PM

I don't know that I would say irrational.

I think you are feeling a little slighted by being left out of the conversation and that's normal.

I am quite sure that at some point your BF will tell you something but he is honoring your sisters wishes and that's a good thing.

I think if you understood why you were feeling this way it would most likely ease your discomfort.

I think its just a little jealously.Two people who you love very much are having an intimate chat and you are not allowed in.

I think it is understandable but I think you should try to not let it get in your head too much.

I'm sure it won't last forever.

JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 04:17 PM

Im a little insecure about myself at times, and when my boyfriend of over 3 years meets another girl, I worry he's going to fall in love with her or something. Hes a great guy and girls tend to develop crushes on him, that worries me too. There's 2 girls from our college that I think are developing crushes on him, but he's not the type of guy to say well they like me so ima stay away from him, he remains friends with him. Hes a natural flirt and he doesn't think its flirting, but Im sure these girls do. They usually stop talking to him or leave when I come around. But I don't know... Im not really sure what I want to know here, Im just saying what's on my mind. He promises me every time I say something about it that he only loves me and he will only ever love me and he doesn't want them he only wants me. And I do believe him, but I just guess Im a very paranoid person. Im not really worried about him leaving me, I just don't want other girls wanting him or flirting with him because Im afraid he won't realize what they are doing and flirt back unintentially. Im going to stop now because I don't really know what Im trying to ask...

JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 04:20 PM

TeaStalk, no my birthday isn't until July. He's said he's talking to her because she only has one other person she can talk to and he feels she needs someone and I do get that, but he deletes his messages and everything it just really bothers me that I can't even know what they talk about...

Romefalls19 · Mar 26, 2009, 04:29 PM

I don't see how this is wrong on his part. If my friend tells me something and tells me not to tell anyone, I am going to have his back and not tell anyone. Your word is the only thing you have in this world that you can control, so why should he betray her trust just because you aren't comfortable with him talking to your sister. You need to seek help to find out why you are so insecure with yourself, this is your problem. He's not cheating on you, like you said so I don't see the issue.

Romefalls19 · Mar 26, 2009, 04:31 PM

You need to get help, your insecurities are way out of control. He cannot control who likes him or find him attractive just like he can't do the same about you. I would suggest you go and talk to a counselor because jealousy can get way out of control, and I speak from 110% experience. I went down a very dark road because of my jealousy and insecurity issues.

JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 04:34 PM

OK, thanks for the advice, we both do see a counselor together but I maybe this time Ill talk to him alone. I don't blame him for other girls being attracted to him, I just worry he will find one better than me, these feelings just recently developed, before I didn't care how many girls he talked to or how many liked him because I had him and I didn't worry about anything... now I do. I posted another question on here asking if I was depressed or something... I don't know...

JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 04:38 PM

OK, my boyfriend has 2 ex's that he still talks to, one he doesn't really like that much, but the other he still wants to be friends with, he said she was a good friend and he would like them to be friends again. They dated a whileee ago. Over 4 years ago I think. But anyway, he said she was the only girl he ever really loved before me, he promises that he doesn't still have feelings for her, he got over her a long time ago. But he does miss her as a friend, a lot of stuff happen between them as friends after they broke up... anyway, he got her number recently so he could text her, I worry that they are gonan get too close again and he's going to see what he saw in her the first time. What do you think?

neverme · Mar 26, 2009, 08:27 PM

I think that you can't control someone, and why would you want to?

We all have insecurities.

You have to trust your boyfriend, believe that he is being truthful.

She may have his past, but you are his future.

If you don't believe this, then you have to re-evaluate the relationship you are in, because trust is essential to any lasting relationship.

JustHisGirl · Mar 26, 2009, 08:43 PM

Thanks. I do trust him though. I really do. Im just dealing with some insecurities with myself.

neverme · Mar 26, 2009, 08:47 PM

As I said, we all have insecurities.

Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith.

Try to deal head on with your own insecurities and be truthful with yourself. Sometimes if you try writing down the situations that make you feel insecure it is easier to see them in their true, futile irrational light.

Make sure to keep communication up with your boyfriend. Sit him down and tell him that you are feeling a little insecure about this but that you trust him. If you feel weird about it you are just going to tell him.

As long as you keep it honest from the start you can't go wrong.

That way it will never seem as though you are being jealous or irrational because you have told him how you are feeling all along, you no?

jjwoodhull · Mar 26, 2009, 08:49 PM

I have an ex boyfriend that I dated for over 5 years. We broke up about 2 and a half years ago. He is one of my closest friends. We talk several times a week and see each other about twice a month. I truly love him, but I am not in love with him. I have no desire to be with him.

My current boyfriend understands our relationship and trusts me spend time with my ex. I can't imagine not having that friend. If my boyfriend ever forced me to make a choice...

slow man · Mar 28, 2009, 12:08 AM

He is definitely crossing some boundaries there.

starbuck8 · Mar 28, 2009, 12:29 AM

I am really going to have to disagree some here. Everyone seems to be saying the issue is with you. I'm not so sure. I don't know your boyfriend, but it seems to me that if he is texting ex girlfriends, your sister, etc. and you have voiced your concerns and he tells you that you need to give him a reason why he shouldn't be, this is bringing up a red flag with me, sorry.

If he loves and respects you, he would take you seriously, and you would be able to voice your concerns with him, instead of being afraid to. I think your gut is telling you something here. I don't think it's cool for him to be texting an ex, and expecting you not to be concerned about that. Someone that has nothing to hide, hides nothing.

It is not always an issue of jealousy or insecurity. Sometimes it's someone waving a red flag in front of your face. I'm not saying he IS doing anything wrong with these girls, I'm just saying that he should respect your feelings about this. You have already said he's a big flirt, and that some of your friends are attracted to him. He needs to back off a little there. As far as your sister goes, he is not her therapist and shouldn't be keeping secrets between him and her, and the ex... heck no! Not unless it's a friendship and understanding, between the 3 of you.

talaniman · Mar 28, 2009, 07:31 AM

Maybe you do have some insecurities, but his actions with others may be feeding them, and at some point he has to consider that.

Work on your own insecurities, and let the counselor help guide you both through this.

JustHisGirl · Mar 28, 2009, 12:38 PM

starbuck8, thanks for your opinion. Um, it makes me feel a little better knowing that I'm not just overracting and being irrational about everything.

nitelight198073 · Mar 28, 2009, 05:08 PM

You may be upset that she cannot open up to you... maybe you may want to take the initiative to talk to her too... it may help out some just let her know that you are there for her too:D

JustHisGirl · Mar 28, 2009, 06:22 PM

But see, me and my sister are not that close, usually all we do is fight and when I was living there she made me miserable..

nitelight198073 · Mar 30, 2009, 08:32 AM

Oh I see what it boils down to is that you do not trust the relationship they have it makes you uncomfortable you have a decision to make... you have made your feelings known right... if it makes you feel that bad that he disregards your feelings.. something may be gping on.. for your sake I hope not lots of luck I hope everything works out.. and maybe you guys fought because you lived togeter.. maybe you need to tell her to leave all in the past and start over you want to be her friend