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destiny_b · Mar 25, 2009, 08:08 PM

Hi all
I am new here.ive been reading in this forum but never posted.for me its been 3 months NC.in this time I have neither seen nor heard from her.she broke up with me some days before new year.our relationship lasted more than 2 years and the reason of this break up was another guy.so I got dumped for another guy and over a phone call.she caused me a lot of pain,more than I could ever imagine.
I was going to make some big steps for my life at that moment and all of them fall down and I fall down with them.everybody was asking me if I was feeling OK.my face could tell it all.I couldn't hide. I was left in pieces and now I'm trying to collect them again.
I have been healing for these past 3 months but still not moved on. I have moments of weakness, I still become furious when it comes to my mind the story of "the third person" which she told me, who destroyed my relationship.I admit that being cheated is not a good sensation at all.it burns you from inside.I don't want to live like this ,with this sensation.
Did anyone else had a similar situation as me?how is his healing process going?
Is my progression normal or I'm making things harder to myself?
Cheating is so hard to forget.I wish this situation ends.I don't like living like this anymore.

mudweiser · Mar 25, 2009, 08:23 PM

Absolutely normal. Your not going to bounce right back up, you did love her and she betrayed you, you have reason to be distraught.

One thing is certain is that it'll only get better in time [Leona Lewis says so].

If you don't have a job go find one, if you don't have a hobby, create one. The best way to relieve yourself is to keep busy. Become a big brother, join your city's soccer team or any other sports team [i.e. bowling league, football, etc.], if you can.

Another thing is, don't be in contact with her, it'll only prolong your "recovery". So that means delete and block her off any social networking sites, don't answer her calls or call her [if this does happen]. I'm not saying "pretend she never existed" or "sweep your problems under the rug"- it's simply because it's a lot easier to move on if you aren't stuck in the past.

Good luck to you. AMHD is here for support.

MRS.S

talaniman · Mar 25, 2009, 08:41 PM

Be patient dude, it going to take longer than 3 months. Stay with it. Stay busy, and do what you enjoy with people you enjoy being with.

This is one of the hardest things you will do, deal with heartbreak, and betrayal.

destiny_b · Mar 25, 2009, 08:46 PM

Thank you for the answer.
I'm not even thinking of getting in contact with her. There is nothing left to say. And yeah I deleted everything,phone number,email, everything.but I still have memories.
I don't have a job. I have just moved on in another country 2 months ago and I'm finding it difficult to adapt.a lot of stressfull period.

destiny_b · Mar 25, 2009, 08:52 PM

Yeah that's right talaniman. Dealing with break up and betrayal is very hard. It is consuming me.but if there is an end to this pain I will be happy.God knows better.
Thank you for your support

mudweiser · Mar 25, 2009, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by destiny_b

i have just moved on in another country 2 months ago and im finding it difficult to adapt.a lot of stressfull period.

I can see why it would be. Do you live in the States or Canada if you do go here: [USA] Kijiji USA Free Classifieds - Post & Search Free Classified Ads or [CANADA] http://www.kijiji.ca/?ChangeLocation...er=DefaultPage . There are job posting [even cash jobs], community events [i.e. mudding/ 4X4]. If you live anywhere in North America I am positive there is an unemployment center or a job connect that will help you with resumes and actually help you land a job. Shoot out your resume wherever possible, someone is going to end up calling you for an interview- I promise!

Don't be a bum and stay at home, go out, meet new people whether it's at the gym, bar, library, or just across the street.

MRS.S

destiny_b · Mar 25, 2009, 09:02 PM

Very helpful mudweiser. I apprecate it
Thank you

destiny_b · Mar 26, 2009, 12:52 PM

Anybody who has a similar story and is dealing with betrayal please post it here.
Thanks

talaniman · Mar 26, 2009, 04:37 PM

Better idea, read the posts here of the same situation your in.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=4060157

destiny_b · Mar 29, 2009, 11:24 PM

Aren't these 3 moths enough to heal?? I'm healing so slow I think

artlady · Mar 29, 2009, 11:36 PM

Originally Posted by destiny_b

arent these 3 moths enough to heal??? im healing so slow i think

Your not making a new life for yourself so you are prolonging the pain.

It doesn't just disappear,you have to be very actively involved in making it happen.

When you start to dwell on the past force yourself out of it.

Be active,get out and get exercise.

Join up on here and give advice to others.When you are helping others it is difficult to dwell on your own pain.

You do control your thoughts.

If you must think about the past ,think about what lesson you learned.Your pain taught you something valuable,find what that is and vow never to repeat that.

It takes work and a lot of commitment but you can do it.You must believe in yourself.

destiny_b · Mar 29, 2009, 11:46 PM

Yeah I'm making things difficult to myself.im really inactive.like I'm lost.I don't like doing some things that I once did with big pleasure.I don't know.maybe the fact that I moved in another country just after break up affects my situation.I don't know.I just know I'm changing too much for a Nothing like her.
Anyway thank you for your answer Artlady. I don't have many people that support me now.when I chat with any of my friends online I'm afraid telling the same story to them.I know what they would say.its hard getting over a betrayal and especially being alone at this time that I need someone to support me.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2009, 05:14 AM

It may help to see this as an opportunity to build a life that you enjoy, and a chance to broaden your horizons, and meet new people. Make a plan that allows you to do things you like, or try something different.

Volunteer at a children's hospital, or senior home, and get a glimpse of people with some real problems, who need help. There is nothing more profound as giving of yourself for others in need.

Hang in there, you just need more time, and a plan.

busterite · Mar 30, 2009, 08:54 AM

Hi, I went through a similar situation about 8 months ago. I had a number of threads and got great advice from people here if you feel like reading them.

One thing that I can tell you for certain is that things will get better as long as you keep busy and stop going over everything that's happened. What's done is done. It sounds like you are still angry at her and its normal but you need to try and set your ego aside and forgive her. I know its easier said than done but the longer you bottle up that anger, the more pain it will cause you and the longer it will take for you to get over it. Be glad she gave you back your freedom sooner than later.

Its normal to feel depressed after such an experience. Things will get better though. Don't lose faith in yourself because you are the only one that can truly get you out of this

May I ask what the reason for you moving was?

Arzy99 · Mar 30, 2009, 03:06 PM

Dude... was in the same situation, exactly the same!.
My ex left me for another guy.. and did it over the phone!. worst thing is, I had to hear it from a 3rd party.. my ex didn't even tell me the real reason she was breaking up with me,
She had to lie!.
When I found out, I went NC right away... it was like a knife in the heart my friend... about a month after finding out.. I joined this website.. click on my name, read my thread... it may help!.

All I can say for now is... STICK TO NC.. do NOT break it whatever you do. Also, learn from this... learn about yourself, find yourself, try and make yourself happy. You need to reconnect with the real YOU!.
IMPROVE YOURSELF... I wake up each day and strive to be the best and most desirable guy out there... and I want to improve myself in all aspects of my life.
That is why since the break up I have been hitting the gym hard, Ive had an internship in Europe and travelled in 3 different countries, done tons of reading, and will hopefully be going to Africa in the summer to help AIDS sufferers... all before going to university later this year.

Do things to improve yourself dude, make a success of yourself, make a life that you want to share with a special lady (not a crappy one like our ex's).. things will get easier my friend.. they have been getting easier for me!.
Whenever you feel as if you are slipping... just come on this site!. we are all here..

Good Luck!