[u_undergrad1]

Hello, this is my first post so I hope I do this right...

Anyway, I am going into my second year of university and I have a problem. I failed to create new relationships in my first year. I went to the same university and program as a few of my good friends from high school, so being in the same program, we kind of stuck together all year round. And that's the problem. Since I stuck with my old friends all year, I didn't really make an effort to make new friends, and now I'm regretting it big time.

I've thought about joining community groups, but I ruled that out since I live in a fairly elderly community with few, (and I mean few) relatively young people.

I also thought about joining clubs at my school, with seems like a good idea, but I see another problem with that: most people will join clubs with friends and will pretty much stick with their friends while in the club. Now my friends have expressed their lack of desire to join clubs, so I'll be alone if I do this. I want to make new friends, but how can I do it if most people will already be with established friends, and I am alone in that group.

To further complicate things, I regretably missed frosh week in year one, so I couldn't even develop preliminary relationships with anyone. I am almost twenty (male) and I have literally no female friends at my university. I'd like to make some, but I don't want to join dating services or anything. I'd rather meet them in casual social situtations, which, as I made clear earlier, will likely not be easy.

How do you recommend I go about making some new friends? It seem juvenile, but I've often heard that some of the friendships made in university can last a lifetime, and I don't want to be confined to 2 or 3 "buddies" from my high school days.

Thank you very much

[valinors_sorrow]

Oh dear. Making friends just isn't that hard. It is all about being friendly to all others you meet along your path. I see you making it harder than it is or worse yet, making excuses already for your plannned failure?

Here are some tips I hope you consider:

Number 1 -- Throw out that regret! Ugh. Bigtime people turner-offer so out da window with that right now!

Number 2 -- Never mind "I want to make new friends, but how can I do it if most people will already be with established friends, and I am alone in that group." So? Be the later comer -- you'll get noticed!

Number 3 -- Look around... girls are everywhere, so what's with the dating service thing? Can't you strike up a conversation in a class, a book store or laundromat?

Number 4 -- People who have a lot of friends are people who are interested in people. Join anything that interests you and notice the people!

And finally Number 5-- Quit ruling stuff out like this "I've thought about joining community groups, but I ruled that out since i live in a fairly elderly community with few, (and i mean few) relatively young people." Those elderly people may know a few young people and you don't know what path is likely to yield results really. Be open to the possibility on all wave lengths!

[u_undergrad1]

I guess I forgot to mention that I am incredibly shy. I am nice and sociable, and can carry a conversation, but I feel unable to initiate converstations on my own. I guess that's what really makes me worried. How can I meet people if I can't take this kind of initiative?

[s_cianci]

Well I think you've answered your own question in several ways. You've got three years left and the start of a new year is always a good time for making new friends. Join a club or a dating service, just like you suggested. You're going to have to do one thing or another "outside of the box" if you really want to broaden your social horizons and meet new friends. Otherwise you'll remain stuck with your current clique. Bear in mind that some of those guys may have inclinations similar to your own, so if you don't act you may be left on the outside looking in.

[phillysteakandcheese]

... I feel unable to initiate converstations on my own...

For several years, I would think about joining a conversation or introducing myself to someone, only to give up after imaging "the worst case scenario". I bet you are doing much the same - but I will tell you my experience has been that "the worst case scenario" never happens.

People that put themselves into social situations are usually pretty friendly and open to meeting new people. In a class, at a party, club meeting, or most any other social situation, you should expect to meet new people and engage them in conversation.

There's never a reward without some risk. Yes - some women may not be into your type. You might come off as "strange" to some guys. But there will be others - men and women - that will find you interesting and engaging.

And the more times you "risk" starting a conversation, the more times you'll be "rewarded" with a new friend.