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lady tine · Mar 23, 2009, 08:47 PM

I am married but am having an affiar and want to get out. I tried to break it up before but I only went back to him but this time I am for sure I want to leave him. Should I tell that its over again or just make my distance from him

JoeCanada76 · Mar 23, 2009, 09:26 PM

Do you want to get out of the affair or out of the marriage or both?

Seems like you want out of the marriage because you had an on going affair?

I say maybe it is best to break it up with the person you are having the affair with and then think about divorcing your partner.

Clough · Mar 23, 2009, 11:09 PM

Hi, lady tine!

Greetings and WELCOME to the site! I just moved your question that you had posted in Introductions to this forum topic area so that it will get the most exposure to those who are best able to answer it. Introductions is for people to introduce themselves and we try to not ask questions there.

It can be a little confusing when first learning how to use this site! Your question will get noticed much more in this forum topic area.

We would appreciate it if you would return to Introductions sometime to tell us a little about yourself though, if you would be willing to do that.

Concerning your question, I'm having trouble understanding who it is you're wanting to leave. If you would clarify what you mean, it would be appreciated.

Thanks!

theartofm · Mar 24, 2009, 12:29 AM

You went back to the affair, not the other way around. It doesn't matter what you say or do with your "new" partner, it matters what YOU do.

If you feel that he is too strong a temptation for you, tell him that you are going to stay with your husband, and please don't contact you. Let him know that you hate to leave him, and it is hard, but that you would appreciate his support in ending the affair.

Oh, and you have to stop doing whatever it is that he likes you to do, or he'll never give you up

88sunflower · Mar 24, 2009, 06:33 AM

When you figure this out let me know! I am in the same boat and have been doing it for a couple years. I hate it and can't walk away from either. Good luck!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 24, 2009, 06:34 AM

Originally Posted by 88sunflower

When you figure this out let me know! I am in the same boat and have been doing it for a couple years. I hate it and can't walk away from either. Good luck!

No such thing as cant.

neverme · Mar 24, 2009, 08:22 AM

Yes you can walk away, it's really easy you just put one foot in front of the other and continue like this for a while, before you know it you'll be gone.

TrueFaith · Mar 24, 2009, 09:05 AM

Come on girl. I have no pitty for people that say they are stuck!

And I 100% have no pitty for people that Cheat! I mean wow... what are you doing is so wrong on many levels

Your in a place where you don't want to be.. yet you are not making any effort to change it.
And you are sleeping with another man. Which does not seem to shock you.

Change is never easy. But it is something we do everyday. And we must to keep ourselves happy..

Change your life.

Regards

jjwoodhull · Mar 24, 2009, 09:10 AM

If you want to end the affair, contact him (not in person) and tell him in no uncertain terms that it is over. Ask him to never contact you again.

Then erase his number from your phone, erase his email address from your computer, block him from your Facebook and myspace accounts. If he contacts you, ignore him. Do not answer his phone calls, do not retrieve his voicemails, erase his emails without reading them.

talaniman · Mar 24, 2009, 11:45 AM

Well since guilt didn't work, and you seem to have no control over yourself, ask your husband for help, as partners who are cheated on, have good ideas to help you in your time of need. Bet you, or the other poster never thought of that.

There are no easy answers, you just have to act like a married woman, and go home, and take better care of your own. Not someone else's.

A mouse · Mar 24, 2009, 02:02 PM

You need to tell him that what you and him are doing is wrong and then stop talking to him permanently, it destroys the sanctity of marriage. Afterwards you really need to work on your relationship with your spouse, fix the communication and distance problems because if they weren't there you wouldn't be cheating in the first place.

-Mouse

artlady · Mar 24, 2009, 02:11 PM

should I tell that its over again or just make my distance from him

Both and this time mean it ! If you truly want to end it you will.
The choice is in your hands.

Do what is honorable and hopefully you will never feel the need to stray from your vows again.

liz28 · Mar 24, 2009, 02:25 PM

Stop the affair today. Right now.You get up your strength, clear your head, and right now decide it has ended. You don't need to meet one more time, you don't need to explain anything to anyone.You just stop.You call and tell the person it is over and that is it. No elaborate conversation, no tears, no excuses or reasons or justifications. You are clear and blunt and decisive. (I'm not suggesting you to be rude or cruel but there is no need for discussion, indeed it is not appropriate and may make it more difficult).

All you've to say is "I have decided to end this affair and will no longer be seeing you. I wish you the best."

Then hang up and go about your life and get your marriage back in order and think about what made you cheat in the first place.

lady tine · Mar 24, 2009, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by lady tine

i am married but am having an affiar and want to get out. i tried to break it up before but i only went back to him but this time i am for sure i want to leave him. should i tell that its over again or just make my distance from him

Okey I have totally decided that I want to leave is guy. I love my hubby and never would want to leave him. At the moment my hubby is overseas and I met this guy online. We have been sleeping together. When I got in touch with him he seemed nice but got interesting day by day and after couple of months I feel really gulity about all this and want to end it but can't.

How do I end it with him.. cal him text him or email him...
I don't want to meet him or call him...

He has no idea that I want to end this

Please help...

lady tine · Mar 24, 2009, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by artlady

Both and this time mean it ! If you truly want to end it you will.
The choice is in your hands.

Do what is honorable and hopefully you will never feel the need to stray from your vows again.

Okey how should I end it...

I don't want to tlak to him... and in fact he doesn't even know that I am thinking about break up

neverme · Mar 24, 2009, 03:40 PM

It's an affair with a married woman, it's hardly the most solid of relationships.

I think that you should call him, I think that's only fair. Although I more than don't agree with what you two have entered into, it is still a semblance of a relationship and he is still a person so he deserves some respect.

lady tine · Mar 24, 2009, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by neverme

It's an affair with a married woman, it's hardly the most solid of relationships.

I think that you should call him, I think that's only fair. Although I more than don't agree with what you two have entered into, it is still a semblance of a relationship and he is still a person so he deserves some respect.

Like I said I had tried breaking it up by telling him and it didn' work... because I had gone back to him... he'll think I am just doing it for attention...

I was thinging distancing myself from him without him not knowing will make things easy for me... at the memont that is what I am doing... we bot are working but in different places. We are in touch well we use to be in touch through email because now I hardly reply to his emails which has helped him get over him... and in a short while I think I'll just lose touch of him... he'll get the pic that I am not interetsed...

So what do you think

JoeCanada76 · Mar 24, 2009, 04:17 PM

I think it is all or nothing. Stop all contact. Very simple. Very easy. Erase the address books and contact numbers and emails and block him from everything.

Now your trying to do it the easy way, why is that? If there is any chance you two meet up you need to tell him it is over. Final, that is it. No more contact.

Very simple. Your making it harder then what it really is.

neverme · Mar 24, 2009, 04:20 PM

Your taking the easy way out. I think that if you make your situation you have to deal with it like an adult.

Stop sticking your head in the sand.

This man is a person too and he deserves some semblance of respect.

Then once you have said it to him, cut all ties and leave it at that.

liz28 · Mar 24, 2009, 04:33 PM

The guy your sleeping with probably doesn't care anyway because I am sure you told him your married so he knows there would be no strings attach. Meanwhile he can sleep with you whenever the time allows.

You stated you broke it off with him before but went back don't repeat the same mistake twice. All your doing is making a fool of your husband. If you want to get on the right track stay strong by sticking to your decision.