[wingeek]

Okay,
I met a girl I like a couple of weeks ago. We have been hanging out since and I think that I like her. She is kind of a geek and so am I. We share many common interests and I have never felt this way before. I am a junior (11th grade) in high school and she is a senior (12th grade). We end school in late June and would like to ask her before then. I have zero prior experience (from hand holding to dating to kissing). We are friends to some degree at this point. How can/should I proceed? I feel somewhat ashamed asking this, I feel this should be instinctive, but apparently I am missing that chromosome, so any honest help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in Advance,
WinGeek

[Clough]

Hi, wingeek!

Hey! You're already friends with her and do things with her. So, this shouldn't be all that hard for you to do. Although, I remember that it was terribly hard for me to do also, even with girls whom I knew a lot about, and that maybe we were even friends.

Suggestion: Just in your normal common conversations with here, how about just saying something like, "Hey, how would you like to go to a movie this Friday night together?" Or, maybe to some activity that you know that you would both enjoy.

Since you're already friends and hang-out together, it's likely that she feels the same towards you and might just be waiting for you to do the asking.

The rest of the stuff in a relationship comes later and it's also best to go slow and not be in a rush about anything.

I wish and hope only the best for you!

Thanks!

[theartofm]

What is your "shame"? Perhaps you feel that you are a loser and are ashamed to be so bold that you would ask a woman out? If so, then you need to start now. That kind of low self esteem will destroy not only your love life, but your career as well.

A few things I have learned:
1) Girls have self-esteem problems too
2) Girls are flattered when a guy is attracted to them, even if they aren't attracted to you
3) Girls hate to say NO. They may evade, make polite excuses, whatever, but they rarely turn you down flat... now your girl could be different, but that's been my experience.

Ask her out, and be CLEAR that this is a DATE and not a buddy session. If she turns you down with an excuse, try 2 more times then give up. Do NOT try to determine whether her excuse is bogus or not, girls are too complicated to try to figure out that way. If you ask her 3 times, then she knows you are trying, but you're not stalking.

[jndolo]

I say you should just ask her out besides her maybe rejecting you, you have nothing to lose. I have been rejected quite a number of times and accepted quite a number of times and it turns out the ones who accepted me were all who I had been friends with, I think some girls go for personality rather than looks so step up your game

[Clough]

Hi again, wingeek!

I don't think that it's so much that you might even think that you're some kind of loser or that you have self-esteem issues. Most guys who haven't done so before are nervous and unsure about how to ask a girl out on a first date.

Thanks!

[theartofm]

OK, I thought you were ashamed to ask her out. I misunderstood.

But it still stands. Facing possible rejection is hard, but as I said and others have said, it's worth the risk. She is not going to slam you down, you're friends. She might be shocked. If she is, give her a pass on it don't be upset.

You're doing nothing wrong, even if you find out she's not into it. She shouldn't hold anything against you (well you are teenagers, so who knows how she'll deal with it), and from what you've said I think it sounds like she would like you to make a move.

[wingeek]

Thanks for all the advice. I guess it is not just rejection, but that I don't want to lose my friendship with her. Is it taking a risk which will cause a friendship loss or Is there a way to do it without gambling?