[kctiger]

I think having an open mind sets your possibilities to an endless margin. Some people are different... for me, the last thing I want is a girlfriend (which is why I find myself in an awkward situation as we speak), and to others, having a girlfriend is a really big deal.

What else makes you happy? Life is not a fairytale written by some stranger, it is a journey written by you...

[Justwantfair]

That is why kc gets all the ladies, because he doesn't want one. :D

[kctiger]

That is why kc gets all the ladies, because he doesn't want one. :D

Wow... totally blushing now... :o

[PirandelloLuigi]

I think having an open mind sets your possibilities to an endless margin. Some people are different...for me, the last thing I want is a girlfriend (which is why I find myself in an awkward situation as we speak), and to others, having a girlfriend is a really big deal.

What else makes you happy? Life is not a fairytale written by some stranger, it is a journey written by you...

I think it's worth it, yes a relationship has ups and downs, but if you are with the right person you can really share a lot of great moments and help each other with all the challenges life brings at you.

Even though my girlfriend and I were not very compatible, I loved to share moments with her and help her and care for her. I am going to miss when she called me ''babe'' and phoned me at night to talk before going to bed. I know it's small little things, but just the fact she was thinking of me, I'm going to miss that.

[Hathor]

I put the pics on an external usb drive, believe it or not there is actualy a picture that helps me get over her. She had this thing about being taller than me that really bothered her. She was 5'9 and im 5'11, in this pic she looks taller and not physicly attractive or physicly compatible with me. She also never wore her her high heel shoes when we were together.

I look forward to the future and my next relationship i wish to find a more petite woman, i am a romantic guy and i like to be able to pick up my woman in my arms and carry her.
This is probably wired in my brain or geneticly programmed. No offense to the talll girls out there, i am sure you tall girls feel weird too when your man is shorter.

So one thing to check early is are you compatible and can you deal with the incompatibilities, can you just walk pass them or will they cause constant headaches and just add to the reasons of breaking up in the future.

What do you think KC ?

PirandelloLuigi, no offence, but you've come across as being shallow, seriously, you got turned off by her height? If it really was a big deal for you, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her in the first place, knowing you would be so INCOMPATIBLE anyway, gosh, there're million other ways to be INCOMPATIBLE, and then you went on about petite girls... well, everyone has some sort of a physical type, but when it comes to love, THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE IMPORTANT PART, what if the most compatible girl in the world for you in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc is a foot taller than you? So you'll cast her aside just because she's taller? I know you mean no harm to taller girls, date whoever you like, tall, petite, blond, brunette, white, asian, black, hispanic, mixed whatever.Just want to point out that at the end of the day, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Good that you've got rid of her photos, good that you've moved on, but your attitude doesn't help, it'll become a big relationship issue in the future if you don't add this certain DEPTH in yourself.

[kctiger]

I think it's worth it, yes a relationship has ups and downs, but if you are with the right person you can really share a lot of great moments and help each other with all the challenges life brings at you.

Even though my girlfriend and i were not very compatible, i loved to share moments with her and help her and care for her. I am going to miss when she called me ''babe'' and phoned me at night to talk before going to bed. I know it's small little things, but just the fact she was thinking of me, im gonna miss that.

I understand that, and I missed that more than anything when I broke up with my ex. I do think, however, that you are searching for something that you, yourself, should be able to fill. I caution you on getting a girlfriend just to fill a void in your life. Being alone isn't bad at all, and it is much different that being lonely.

Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy without a girlfriend?

[PirandelloLuigi]

PirandelloLuigi, no offence, but you've come across as being shallow, seriously, you got turned off by her height? If it really was a big deal for you, you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with her in the first place, knowing you would be so INCOMPATIBLE anyway, gosh, there're million other ways to be INCOMPATIBLE, and then you went on about petite girls...well, everyone has some sort of a physical type, but when it comes to love, THAT'S NOT AT ALL THE IMPORTANT PART, what if the most compatible girl in the world for you in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc is a foot taller than you? So you'll cast her aside just because she's taller? I know you mean no harm to taller girls, date whoever you like, tall, petite, blond, brunette, white, asian, black, hispanic, mixed whatever.Just wanna point out that at the end of the day, PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

Good that you've got rid of her photos, good that you've moved on, but your attitude doesn't help, it'll become a big relationship issue in the future if you don't add this certain DEPTH in yourself.

I never had a problem with her height. She was the one bringing it up all the time, because she wanted to wear high heels. I told her go ahead, wear them, I don't mind. But she never did, she did not like to feel taller than me. On our first date she said '' you don't look like your 5'11'' and then asked me to show her my hand and she measured with her hand and looked dissapointed cause her hand was a little bigger. On our first date. She was already looking at physical attributes.

I would never refuse a woman for these things if I am in love with her. I accepted these minor things and I loved her with all my heart.

[PirandelloLuigi]

I understand that, and I missed that more than anything when I broke up with my ex. I do think, however, that you are searching for something that you, yourself, should be able to fill. I caution you on getting a girlfriend just to fill a void in your life. Being alone isn't bad at all, and it is much different that being lonely.

Are you happy with yourself? Are you happy without a girlfriend?

I am happy with myself yes, a girlfriend compliments my life and I compliment hers, doing things that couple do, spending time with family and friends. It's always more fun as a couple than alone I find.

I also know that now I have to move on and work on myself again, to get myself confidence back and not blame the failure of my last relationship on myself. I just can't believe this happened to us, it feels like a bad dream, we did not deserve this sad ending.

Like you said KC, being alone is not that bad. I have less pressure financially, I can do what I want when I want, I don't feel drained anymore, from all the arguments we were having.
I don't have to endure temper tantrums and ultimatums anymore. I can be myself again, not somebody I wasn't. I just have to work on the missing her on week ends part. The hardest part. Damn I'm gooing to miss her.

[Justwantfair]

I am happy with myself yes, a girlfriend compliments my life and i compliment hers, doing things that couple do, spending time with family and friends. it's always more fun as a couple than alone i find.

I also know that now i have to move on and work on myself again, to get my self confidence back and not blame the failure of my last relationship on myself. I just can't believe this happened to us, it feels like a bad dream, we did not deserve this sad ending.

Like you said KC, being alone is not that bad. I have less pressure financialy, i can do what i want when i want, i don't feel drained anymore, from all the arguments we were having.
i don't have to endure temper tantrums and ultimatums anymore. I can be myself again, not somebody i wasn't. I just have to work on the missing her on week ends part. The hardest part. Damn im gooing to miss her.

That isn't what being in any relationship is about.

[friend4u178]

What a great thread Rome , well done!!

[talaniman]

Great information, insights, and solutions. Good job!!

[Arzy99]

Brilliant thread Rome!. hopefully the newcomers on this site can use this info and all the other stickies to recover from their time of grief... NC helped me actually see things clearly for once, with an objective mind - I was finally able to get closure through NC and realise that my ex actually left me for another guy (she never really told me why she left apart from 'I feel uncomfortable in a relationship and don't know why') and now I'm well on the way to happiness and its all thanks to this site and people like Rome, KC and Tal among others!. thank you very much!

[PirandelloLuigi]

Brilliant thread Rome!!.. hopefully the newcomers on this site can use this info and all the other stickies to recover from their time of grief... NC helped me actually see things clearly for once, with an objective mind - I was finally able to get closure through NC and realise that my ex actually left me for another guy (she never really told me why she left apart from 'I feel uncomfortable in a relationship and dont know why') and now I'm well on the way to happiness and its all thanks to this site and people like Rome, KC and Tal among others!!... thank you very much!!

Arzy99, My ex told me the same thing, she said she didn't want to be in a serious relationship at the moment. I think she is with someone else too. I am not sure 100% but it's the gut feeling I am having. If she is, she would not tell me right now anyway and I do not want to know. That's why I chose NC with her. I think she prefers casual relationships to serious ones. I think it's for the best, we can't do anything but accept what happened. If they love us they will come back one day. Sometimes they feel crowded or smothered and they need to get away to see if they miss us and test their feelings.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Hi guys!
I have a question concerning no contact. This coming Friday I have to go to my apointment at the dental clinic where she works. I have to pay what I owe them and ask if I can continue my treatments at another location.

Am I breaking the no contact rule by going there?
Since she works as a receptionist there, I will probably see her again and she will try to talk to me.

What should I do?

[Justwantfair]

Contact the office via phone and pay your bill via phone or mail.

You know there are ways around the in person contact.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Contact the office via phone and pay your bill via phone or mail.

You know there are ways around the in person contact.

Can't do that I have an apointment.

[Justwantfair]

But the fact is you have known about the appointment for a while. The appointment could have been cancelled or scheduled on a day that she was not scheduled. Breaking NC only hurts you.

[PirandelloLuigi]

If I just act like another patient, I won't break NC, as long as we don't get into personal details it should be OK. It's the last time I go there.

[Justwantfair]

Good luck to you, but we all know you are not just another patient.

Most importantly you and she know you are not just another patient.

Wishing you the best.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Good luck to you, but we all know you are not just another patient.

Most importantly you and she know you are not just another patient.

Wishing you the best.

But last time I was there she acted like nothing happened. I can do the same and show I am not weak and depressed anymore. I will show her that I moved on too. Why have fear to go pay my last bill and change location for my next apointment?