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krzekali89 · Mar 22, 2009, 10:00 AM

OK, now this is so embarssing and I know if he ever stumbled upon this, he'd be heartbroken, however I just can't take it anymore.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years now. He was my first and is still my only. I love him to death! But when we have sex he's just in it for himself, and by the time he's finished I'm just hornier and want it worst. Its gotten to the point where I'm so sexually frustrated it's affecting my mood daily. Like I don't know.. I just want help. I've told him a MILLION times to stimulate my and to touch me and FOREPLAY! But it seems like when he wants he (which is almost everyday) he just wants to and then play video games. And dot get me wrong there are time far and few between when he accually TRIES to pleasure me but he just doesn't.

I'm considering getting a vibrator and doing it that way.. but I'm almost like embarssed to use it. And he would be so mad if he found it. I was just wondering if anyone had suggestions for me?

Oh, and its always been this way its not just a recent change. When we first started having sex I thought that maybe it was just because I wasn't experienced enough, bt now I'm just frustrated.. so thanks ahead of time for suggestions.

And I'm sorry if this was to vulgar or explict.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 10:07 AM

Sounds to me like he is selfish and you have conditioned him to remain that way because you keep "giving it up"

You sound young and have already established a bad habit of expecting nothing.
Tell him he either needs to be less selfish with you or leave you alone. You say you love him to death, but you need to love yourself enough not to be used.

HighandDryinnNy · Mar 22, 2009, 10:20 AM

First off, there is nothing wrong with using a vibrator. It gets the job done, and since you already know how prolonged sexual frustration feels, I'm betting you have nothing to lose. Even healthy sexual relationships use toys.
Have you tried to sit down and talk to him about this? Young or not, he is being very inconsiderate and selfish. You said he'd be heartbroken, or would his ego be damaged? There's a difference. If he'd be heartbroken to find this, he wouldn't be so careless of you in bed, which, however you look at it, is a fundamental part of a relationship. Talk talk talk. Communication is key, and you no longer need to go without.
If that doesn't work, try hopping off him a couple times before he is satisfied, and see how he likes it. It may sound childish, but he might not know how it feels cause he always makes it to the end. After having that happen a few times, I'm inclined to say that he will definitely work on making you happy.
Don't let him take away your perks as the woman giving him such a great gift!

bronzebabe · Mar 22, 2009, 12:44 PM

Don't be embarrassed to get a vibrator. You deserve to be pleasured as well. He reminds me of my ex- husband. He had NO idea what he was doing. I tried telling him, but he just didn't seem interested in Me. Talk to him, tell him you need more. See if he is interested at all. If not, can you live with this for the rest of your life? I hope you will make a good decision. Good luck!

Alty · Mar 22, 2009, 12:53 PM

Do you know how to get yourself to orgasm? If not, then I suggest you start figuring it out. That's the first step.

Second step, tell him what you like, where you want to be touched, how hard or soft, guide him.

Talk to him, tell him that you aren't satisfied, that you'd like more, then work together on it, that's what relationships are all about.

Maybe he has no idea that you aren't happy.

A vibrator is a great toy to introduce into a relationship. Don't hide it from him, tell him that you'd like to purchase one, go together, make a day of it and then use it together. This can be a major turn on for both of you and will open the lines of communication.

If you love him then it's worth it, right? Don't expect him to know how to pleasure you, you have to show him the way.

Good luck and have fun, that's what sex is all about. :)

letmetellu · Mar 22, 2009, 12:56 PM

Some guys think that if they got off the girl also gets off. So talk to him and be more blunt, tell him what and where you want.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 22, 2009, 01:12 PM

She said she has already told him that and he doesn't care.

Communication is the key, but to allow a boy friend to practically "wham bam thank you mam" you is crazy.
You need to start having him stop in mid-stream, maybe he'll get the message then.
You have already established a patterned with him, it will be a hard on to break. I hope he's worth it.

ordinaryguy · Mar 22, 2009, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I hope he's worth it.

Yeah, me too. It's such a burn to over-invest into a hopeless case.

talaniman · Mar 22, 2009, 02:47 PM

Maybe its time to say NO, and tell him why. Either he do it right, or not at all.

Xrayman · Mar 22, 2009, 03:55 PM

He sounds (and if that is your picture, LOOKS like a boy-rather than a caring MAN) I think he is untrained in knowing how to make you feel nice and needs a rude awakening-HE will be worried/upset about YOU using a vibrator?? Tell him, would he like to be stimulated to the point just before orgasm and then you walk of EVERY TIME? Because that's how YOU feel Every time!

Use a vibrator, masturbate to your hearts content and tell him if he won't, you WILL have to take care of your needs.

plonak · Mar 22, 2009, 08:56 PM

I haven't read all the other posts so forgive me if I repeat anything..

It really doesn't seem like your boyfriend respects you. He just wants his and doesn't care whether you're happy or not.. That's a BIG problem..

You NEED to talk to him. And get it through his THICK skull that something is wrong and you're NOT OK with it..

These problems DO NOT go away by themselves and if you have any hope for a future with this guy you need to work this out soon.. He needs to understand that it's just more than pleasuring you.. it's much much more..

Just sit him down and talk to him.. Communicate how you're feeling.. and if he still doesn't get it.. then I suggest you leave this dud.. there are better guys out there for you that would LOVE to please you till the cows come home!

Choux · Mar 23, 2009, 04:44 AM

k,

You need more life experience, girl.

Women don't have to be passive and receive sex... actually, women are more sexually sophisticated and demanding than men if they get in touch with their passionate side. :)

Why don't you show your boyfriend how you react whey you are having an orgasm... give yourself an orgasm in front of him... that will open his eyes to the real power of female sexualilty.

If you are not orgasmic now, you have to teach YOURSELF how to orgasm through fantasy, gentle stimulation of your genitals... you have to break through the barrier yourself and take charge of your sexuality! :)

Then, you will have no problems with your partners; they are there to serve your ACTIVE sexual appetite.

Practice makes for perfect multiple orgasms.

Best wishes,

smoothy · Mar 23, 2009, 05:54 AM

This is reason #1 why its bad to "FAKE" orgasms and pump up his ego when you should have been honest and guiding him to what works best for you.

You can't blame him if you've led him to believe he's been doing everything right all this time.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 23, 2009, 06:03 AM

I don't think she has faked anything. She has told him she says a million times. He seems to be more into himself and video games than he is in pleasing her.
If you want to get a vibrator, go ahead. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He does not seem to be concerned about you.
But if that is the only way you're getting pleasure because he is too selfish to see that you do, why are you having sex with him?
I don't understand why a woman would have sex with a man who is too lazy to try and please her.

smoothy · Mar 23, 2009, 06:07 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't think she has faked anything. She has told him she says a million times. He seems to be more into himself and video games than he is in pleasing her.
If you want to get a vibrator, go ahead. I wouldn't worry about what he thinks. He does not seem to be concerned about you.
But if that is the only way you're getting pleasure because he is too selfish to see that you do, why are you having sex with him?
I don't understand why a woman would have sex with a man who is too lazy to try and please her.

Problem is there is a lot of room for interpretation there. And it can easily swing one way or the other depending on what was said and how it was asked.

ordinaryguy · Mar 23, 2009, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by Choux

....you have to break through the barrier yourself and take charge of your sexuality! :)

Then, you will have no problems with your partners; they are there to serve your ACTIVE sexual appetite.

OK, krzekali, listen to Choux here, because she knows the truth and is laying it out real plain for you.

A woman who has an active sexual appetite OF HER OWN that she takes responsibility for is either a total turnon (to a secure and generous guy) or a fear-inducing threat (to a selfish and insecure guy). So by taking charge of your sexuality you win two ways: You learn how to be sexually satisfied whether you have a man or not, PLUS you don't have to waste your time on toads and wusses.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 23, 2009, 06:18 AM

Im not understanding what you're saying.
She says she tells him she is not being pleased, she asks him to do other things, he doesn't do it and so she is wondering if she should get a vibrator.
I'm asking why have sex with a man who is too lazy to please you? Get the vibrator and lose him.

smoothy · Mar 23, 2009, 07:05 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Im not understanding what you're saying.
She says she tells him she is not being pleased, she asks him to do other things, he doesn't do it and so she is wondering if she should get a vibrator.
I'm asking why have sex with a man who is too lazy to please you? Get the vibrator and lose him.

Not sure if this was a response to my last statement... but assume it is.

What I mean is HOW did she pose these questions, and exactly when. They can be posed iin a very clear manner, or can be posed in a way that is very unclear... or at a time when he might not be predisposed to hearing it. This matters a great deal before we start laying blame at his feet. Women have a way of beating around the bush in an ambiguous manner at times and its possible he didn't understand what she was trying to tell him.

Not defending him, nor am I blaming her. It could fall either way or maybe both.

chrissymarie · Mar 23, 2009, 12:02 PM

Obviously your going to have to take the role as the aggressor in you relationdhip to get what you want. Being more verbal and more movement on your side will help. Start having sex in the positions you like, when he looks like he's about to ejaculate tell him not to, tell him what he does that makes you feel good, don't let him insert his penis until your fully sexually trurned on. Be more controlling and agreesive. Sex is for your enjoyment too!

talaniman · Mar 25, 2009, 06:47 AM

OK, now this is so embarssing and I know if he ever stumbled upon this, he'd be heartbroken

He will be heartbroken? What about you? Your not happy with the bedroom romps, so don't sell yourself short.

If he gets his, you should get yours, or no one gets any.