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7ALLUMY · Mar 20, 2009, 09:53 AM

3 years since married, our marriage is arranged marriage. I don't find from my husband the true love I used to dream. I love him a lot. He leaves me for long times he travels with his friends in weekend or holidays. I feel that I'm rejected . Heart broken. I'm now with my family far away from him about one month long. He calls me everyday but I don't feel that he misses me he just says hi how are you? HELP ME PLEASE

SBowman · Mar 20, 2009, 11:17 AM

First of all, you must ask yourself this - are you sure he doesn't love you? Many men find it difficult to portray their feelings, be aware of their feelings, or understand that the circumstances for 'in love' differently. It's best to understand how he shows affection to other people, pets, hobbies or things, as they are telltale clues to how he may consider you. Does he treat you in a relatively similar manner? What does he like? How does he consider it and treat it in comparison to you? Mind, he might have difficulties expressing any sort of romance he may carry.

Furthermore, it's best to look closely at the little details. Look at the last 3 days, and take a look at how many times you two had a conversation, whether trivial or meaningful. How did you feel during those conversations? How did he react? Was he interested at all in them, did he provide some sort of reply? Or was it simply a grunt?

Look at his everyday calls. How long are they? Does he ask about the condition of the house, pets (if you have some) or anything else, or does he simply call for small talk? This is important to understand because if he's simply calling for small talk rather to check up on the house, it means he carries some level of attachment and affection for you. He doesn't want you to worry or be lonely, and all of those are telltale signs that he cares. He might not be overt in his expressions, and therefore it may be difficult to find signs.

If you believe that he still doesn't express himself to the level you want, try slow. Ask and see if there's a time between the both of you that you can have him and you to go out for dinner and discuss menial things. Let him know you, but don't force information about yourself upon him in such a blatant way. It's best to work at a slow and steady, but constant pace.

dontknownuthin · Mar 31, 2009, 10:51 PM

I agree with sbowman and also would add that given you are in an arranged marriage, I am guessing that you and your husband perhaps did not date prior to marriage as is common in my culture? It can be difficult to know how to express love, or to even know what it is when we find it. Emotions are complicated. Your husband may not know what your needs are, and you may not know his. But you are now in a marriage, and it's OK to talk about these things. Share your feelings for him - let him know that you truly love him from your heart, not just because it is expected given that you've been placed together in marriage by your families. Ask him to tell you his vision of a dream marriage, and a fulfilling relationship. I would suggest you ask these things when he is with you, and not on the phone unless you are very comfortable - they are questions that have to be answered and asked in a very comfortable moment, when you aren't rushed or distractred or likely to be interupted.

Don't feel that he does not love you - he is just learning, as are you.