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cozyk · May 14, 2009, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by what2do27

Yeah I thought that but she has way too much pride when it comes to relationships. Even though she can't be alone and needs the love of someone @ all times, if she knows she screwed up, she won't come out and say it.

Females are confusing.

So far I have learned that this girl has money issues, is a shop-a-holic, places her pride above all else, and can't be alone and needs the love of someone at all times. You don't won't to be saddled with someone that is this far from being "done". She needs to go back in the oven and finish cooking before she is a healthy solid individual that is ready to combine lives with another healthy solid individual.

what2do27 · May 15, 2009, 08:53 PM

Originally Posted by cozyk

So far I have learned that this girl has money issues, is a shop-a-holic, places her pride above all else, and can't be alone and needs the love of someone at all times. You don't won't to be saddled with someone that is this far from being "done". She needs to go back in the oven and finish cooking before she is a healthy solid individual that is ready to combine lives with another healthy solid individual.

When I first met her she was a wreck. I was what kept her together, and for the first time in her life, (her parents have said this) she was becoming a woman. Everyone (except her 3 friends) say I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and for her.

I wouldn't mind going back to her, being with her while helping her get back to herself, whatever that may be. I know she should do it by herself but she has no one, I just can't see myself turning my back on her whatsoever.

I am not going to call her until she calls me but I got her something from Italy that I'm going to mail to her... it's sentimental and it means something to her. Maybe it'll help her in a way.

none12345 · May 15, 2009, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by what2do27

When I first met her she was a wreck. I was what kept her together, and for the first time in her life, (her parents have said this) she was becoming a woman. Everyone (except her 3 friends) say I was the best thing that ever happened to her, and for her.

I wouldn't mind going back to her, being with her while helping her get back to herself, whatever that may be. I know she should do it by herself but she has no one, I just can't see myself turning my back on her whatsoever.

I am not going to call her until she calls me but I got her something from Italy that I'm going to mail to her....it's sentimental and it means something to her. Maybe it'll help her in a way.

You were like her treausre map, once she found the treasure, she doesn't need a map anymore. In other words, you were her support when she was down. I think you need to get over her and move on with your life. I don't think sending her something sentimental is a good move right now... it will definitely not change her mind and make her come running back to you.

starlite1 · May 18, 2009, 08:17 AM

Hi G,

I wouldn't send her anything right now. Let her come back to you. You both had a nice talk and she knows how you feel, I'm sure, but she needs to come back to you. Believe me it is better off if she does, because you don't ever want to force (not that you are) someone back or keep dropping hints if they aren't ready. It must come from her this time. You will be so much happier when it does.

trmpldonagn · May 19, 2009, 01:43 AM

Hi G, You're quite popular here aren't you? I just wanted to check in real quick so you know you are in the thoughts. And like Starlite, I didn't want to spell out your full name. I'm going to check your other email tomorrow. Hang in there G. We're rooting for you!

what2do27 · May 25, 2009, 12:25 AM

So Friday I heard from my ex, but it was a quick text that said "Thank U, I am wearing them."

Now this got me confused because I didn't know what she was talking about but I realized something was missing from my desk @ work. Here is the story.

I went to Italy a couple weeks ago for a business trip and I picked up a Padre Pio necklace / medal. Though I knew I would only give it to her if we got back together I decided to keep it in my desk with a letter inside of it. I placed it inside an envelope (one of those confidential / messenger envelopes with her address on it) and just have had it in my desk for weeks. I honestly thought I would never get to give it to her, but maybe one day when we moved on to mail it to her just to let her know that I got this for her, and I hope she is well.

Well I was looking for an important folder @ work on Thursday so I basically cleaned out my desk and left the envelope on my desk. When I left work Thursday night I still had a few things on my desk but just said "I'll clean it up in the morning."

Friday Morning rolls around and I get to my desk and notice that all my stuff was on the floor. I thought maybe it was the cleaning people but I just grabbed everything and put it back in my desk. I didn't think anything of it.

Then during the middle of my day I get a text from her that said "Thank U, I am wearing them." I didn't know what she was talking about, so I just sat there and thought "What could she be wearing." I then realized that I didn't see the messenger envelope when I threw everything back in my desk. I then took everything out of my desk to see if it was anywhere... but it wasn't.

Later on during the day one of my co-workers said that "this morning someones kids (I know who they were) came in and were playing around and knocked over a lot of stuff on everyone's desk. We tried cleaning yours up but you were coming and we didn't want you to get mad." I asked "What did you do with the envelope I had that said "C" (my ex and address) on it?" She said "we gave it to the messenger to deliver."

THe note inside the envelope said
"C,
I know right now you are confused, lost, and hurt. Even though you said you didn't need anyone's help, I made a promise to myself never to turn my back on you. While I was in italy, I picked these up for you. I know Padre Pio is a huge inspiration to you, and I have been reading about him.....he is an amazing human being and I wanted you to have these. They have been blessed, and I hope they guide you to wherever you want to be.
I Love you,
G"

Now even though I was pissed they mailed it for me, I don't know if this is a bad thing or a blessing in disguise?

Gemini54 · May 25, 2009, 01:03 AM

Ah, I love it when the Universe takes over. (As an Italian I think Padre Pio is cool too.)

I suspect you may have to just wait and see - perhaps Padre Pio will work his magic on her. Perhaps he won't. Padre Pio is symbolic for the healing that she needs to do - now let it happen without any interference from you.

Things are out of your control the envelope being mailed by your co-workers is proof of that. Let it be. Allow events to unfold without your influence and just, if you can, observe what happens.

what2do27 · May 25, 2009, 04:40 AM

I never knew about Padre Pio before I met her... she said that "she found me through him."
Long story.
See the thing is I don't go searching for her, I mean I'd love to email / call her and ask if "she is ok?" Though I've done NC for months and then we bumped into each other about 2 weeks ago and now this... I just keep asking myself "What's next?"

what2do27 · Jul 18, 2009, 05:29 PM

Update on everything.

So nothing has happened, we haven't contacted each other in close to 2 months. I know she is out partying 3-5 nights a week, struggling with her bills while I am training, working, and being who I am.

Am I better... far from it but I feel 50 times better than I did a couple months ago. I had to block her from Facebook so I couldn't see some pictures she was tagged in from our friends. Every time I saw her in pictures out in a club or a bar I got those anxiety pains in the chest that everyone on here probably has been getting.

Dating life... well I have been going out on dates and have been on 5 dates with this girl who was the complete opposite from my ex. She is a great girl but I still love my ex, so I know it's not fair to her... I don't want to end it and I know that maybe being with her will help me move on from my ex. I know that sounds completely wrong but I think it's the only way to get over her completely. Though I found out that one of her best friends gets her hair cut by a woman from her salon so it really freaked me out and I somewhat ruined the night just by saying to her "don't go there to get your hair cut." It just made things very awkward.

I don't think I'm ready to move on yet.

My ex told me the last time I bumped into her (may) that she tried dating but she was still in love with me. Then why hasn't she tried to contact me?

I still have some hope for us... why though? She left me @ my lowest point to party with her friends all the time. I stuck by her side from beginning to the end during her lowest of lows.

I'll be fine.

talaniman · Jul 18, 2009, 05:47 PM

Stick with NC, and keep doing your thing, and you will be great. Your closer than you think, despite the random thoughts.

Hint: you don't have to love anyone you date, just have fun with them, and show them a good time.

Talaniman Rule- When your single date 'em all, short, fat, skinny, or tall, blind, cripple, or crazy, have a great time, and make sure they do to. Love ain't got nothing to do with it!!

trmpldonagn · Jul 21, 2009, 12:37 AM

Hey buddy! How are you? Well, I see.
Keep training, working, and being who you are. It sounds as if that was getting you somewhere. You were in the process of healing which is so darn hard isn't it? You say you think you're being unfair and don't want to end it with who you are dating now. Don't. You can be honest with her if you choose to but you already know you can't use someone for a band-aid. You know what I mean I hope. I know you are not using anyone. You may temporarily feel better but I could be wrong. Just trying to help. Now you say also that the x says she also tried to move on but is still in love with you? Wow! My buddy, that has got to be so darn confusing. It sounds like you both are struggling. I do not want to give you false hope but are you sure you tried (almost) everything? I wonder if this is a test and that maybe one or both of you will realize that you want to be with each other. Gosh, I sure do hope so cause I love a happy ending! It must be confusing to you though my buddy because she's/your ex telling you this. There is really no closure. You also wonder why she's not contacting you. Confusing I'll say. Maybe she feels that it would be more confusing or wondering the same but don't take my word. I just want to hear the outcome. A happy and healthy outcome. Do keep us posted.
Smiles at you...

EDIT... I just re-read your post again and hold on there sonny boy. (Smiles). You say you don't want to break it off with whom you are dating because it would seem unfair yet you think it's the only way to get over your ex. Then I recant. You may very well have to get over your ex FIRST before dating anyone. I don't believe that a new love will take the pain away. It's not genuine. At least it does not seem that way. Maybe a diversion but that's it. Be safe and we're thinking of you buddy.
Maybe your instincts are right and you're not ready to move on yet?
As far as Padre Pio... Interesting. I googled. Either way, don't give up hope. Like you say in the end of your last post, you will be fine. But we still want an update. Please be well!

what2do27 · Aug 16, 2009, 08:52 PM

So I have been thinking about my ex lately (dreaming about her every night, seeing little things that reminded me of her) so I decided to break NC and give her a call but she didn't answer but I didn't leave a message... then all of the sudden I noticed I had no anxiety, no hard feelings, no anything. I thought I would call, hear the voicemail and get very upset like I used to do. Now I think I just no that no matter what I would do, she won't give me a 2nd chance. Though she loves me, she won't pick up the phone... so what now?

But then I realized, why would I want someone like her? Our personalities were so different, I had my life together and she didn't. Though I loved her more than anything, in the long run a lot of people including HER parents said it wouldn't work because of her.

I honestly feel completely healed, and have grown from this situation, but do I now see if she has grown or do I move on with someone grown?

trmpldonagn · Aug 17, 2009, 03:37 AM

Hey there buddy. How are you doing? It sounds as though you are just fine but still have questions. Are you sure you're completely over it? Just asking because you may not have called her if you were. Then again it could simply be what you stated. If she had picked up the phone and you both talked, maybe you'd have your answer but I could be wrong. It's great that you feel completely healed and that you have grown. Usually when one person grows and the other hasn't, it won't work. You would want to be with someone on your level or on the same page so to speak. I'm not putting her down. It may have to do more now with compatibility than it has before. If you feel healthier you may not like how you feel anymore when/if you are around her again. You're the only one that will know that or feel that. It can't hurt to leave a message with her but I just hope it doesn't stir up any of those old/hurt feelings and put you a step or two back. Good luck either way and I know eventually you'll find love again whether it's with her or not.

what2do27 · Sep 19, 2009, 04:39 PM

So a while as gone by since I have talked, thought about, seen, etc about my ex.

Well last night she texted me and we talked for close to 3 hours. It started as "Hey I hope you are well" and I responded and after that she kept texting me.

I thought it would have been short but she kept saying that I always make her smile, and she laughs all the time when she thinks about certain things we did (all good things.)

It ended off with her recommending me a TV show that I should watch and to let her know if I like it. When I said "ok I will" she responded with "I hope you and I can be friends."

Now that is the confusing part? This is the same girl who didn't want anything to do with me the last couple of months, but was telling me she thinks about the good times, laughs, and smiles and now wants me to be friends with her?

So any answers would be nice right now. Do I just play it cool, and be friends with her and maybe time will tell?

A couple of suggestions would be nice.

Quick note : I have done no contact for months, I have improved my life and bettered myself in so many ways. Also I moved on by dating other girls and knowing what I want in my life when it comes to a gf/wife. Though I always have that what if in the back of my mind.

none12345 · Sep 19, 2009, 04:53 PM

I am doing NC forever and there won't be a day that my ex and I will be friends. Just my opinion though.

I say go back to NC and never break it. And you shall find better.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 06:14 PM

So any answers would be nice right now. Do I just play it cool, and be friends with her and maybe time will tell?

Tell what? If she will take you back?

I hope you are paying attention as to how the confusion comes back, when you had contact with her.

Reactor · Sep 19, 2009, 08:49 PM

If you wish to have less drama and less emotional energy wasted on this woman, then surge ahead with No Contact. Trust us, and your gut.

Talaniman - is there anyway I could PM you.

talaniman · Sep 20, 2009, 06:09 AM

Sure just click on my name, but if its advice for a situation you're in, its best posted in the public forum.

what2do27 · Sep 22, 2009, 05:56 PM

Update:

Update: I asked her out to get coffee, she was all for it then backed down @ the last minute. Said she was really tired and had a few errands to run. Though this is the kicker... she said "I still have some of your things and never threw them out, but would like you to have them"

Now that really is confusing the hell out of me. For months you have had some of my things, never threw them out, but now you want me to have them?!

Still, my close friends thinks this is a ploy to still get me back, though now I'm leaning towards "she completely wants me out of her life."

That just ruined my day.

I wish · Sep 22, 2009, 06:37 PM

If you keep breaking the no contact rules, then you're just going to have to keep suffering. Every time you contact each other, you add to the confusion and prolong the healing process.

If she still has your stuff, then tell your friends to tell her to mail it to you. It's completely unnecessary to have any sort of communication with her.

Now that you've communicated, you've taken several steps back.