[lynnette34]

I went to my first counseling session yesterday, and it went well. It was just a bunch of questions about everything (from childhood up to present day) to lay the foundation of where my real problems stem from. As good as I feel about starting the process of mending my marriage, I feel terrible inside. I gave my husband my wedding ring back (he asked for it back), and have vowed to earn it back every day for the rest of my life. I told him that the lies are over, everything is an open book now, and I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes to prove my commitment to him and our kids. I see the pain I caused him and it kills me a little every day. He's distant with the kids, he spends a lot of time alone, and he is constantly mulling all of this over in his head. He's in a lot of pain, and he looks at me like he's disgusted with me even being around. How could I do this to him? He is such a caring and fun person, to see him like this and to know that I caused it is almost unbearable. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I try to be there for my kids, but it's hard to function. He asked what I though about taking a polygraph test, and I agreed to do whatever it would take to start earning that trust back. Between this situation, the high level of stress at work and the issues that I'm working on with my mom, I'm a nervous wreck. I want to be close to my husband but he says he needs his space. What is my next step? Do I let him approach me when he wants, or should I try to approach him? I want him to know I want to work on this, but the look in his eyes feels like he wants nothing more with me. I deserve all of this, but what else should I do?

[Krs]

Well you broke his heart. His heart is in pieces. You now have to prove to him that you are willing to change, you will do whatever it takes. It is down to you to fix the pieces of his heart back together.

Give him space because he asked for it, but on the otherhand let him know that you are always there.

[valinors_sorrow]

People are really pretty good at sensing significant changes in people they have been close to... and responding accordingly. But this is all still so new to everyone. I would give him the space he requested since he may still be reeling and will need that to heal. It is good that you have had your first meeting with a professional. It is very important that you continue to work on you. It may take a while before anyone trusts that you are telling the truth -- it's their timeframe, not yours, frankly. I would suggest you reframe one thing and not be saying the lies are over as much as you are committed to tell the truth, it is a more healing approach for everyone and not just a matter of "good spin". If you find yourself with too much time on your hands as the result of everyone backing off, use it constructively. Get into the recovery process more by journaling or reading related books or even get some long awaited projects done -- constructive solitary time is needed to rebuilt you too. Time... takes time.

[s_cianci]

Continue on with the counseling sessions. Also you may try to find more constructive ways of dealing with the stress from your job and dealing with your mother. Take things slow with your husband for now. Things should improve as you proceed on with the counseling and deal with your problems head-on.