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gurlygurl101 · Mar 18, 2009, 04:48 PM

Me and this guy have dated off and on throughout the past year and a half. I love him to death. We've been through alot: pregnancy (lost the baby), abusive exs, disfunctional families, drugs, drunk, cheating, etc. I love him to death... but we fight SOO MUCH! We get in a fight at least once a week. Each fight doesn't last long. He is very protective of me. Right now he isn't talking to me. I miss him and I don't know what's going on. I don't want to lose him. But he always ditches me when we're supposed to hang out together. He says he's sorry and its not his fault (theres always an excuss) he says he wants to be with me, but I don't know. I love him but he acts like he hates me lately. I don't know what to do. Help meee!! :confused::(:confused:

nikosmom · Mar 18, 2009, 06:02 PM

Are you kidding me?

What's so great about this guy? Did I miss something? Let's see...

drugs
drunk
cheating
we fight
he ditches me
he acts like he hates me

This is what you do: you turn the other way and RUN!. I'm sorry that you lost your baby but take this opportunity to get out of this situation and be grateful that you will not be tied to this selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative jerk for the rest of your life.

nikosmom · Mar 18, 2009, 06:03 PM

Are you kidding me?

What's so great about this guy? Did I miss something? Let's see...

Originally Posted by gurlygurl101

drugs
drunk
cheating
we fight
he ditches me
he acts like he hates me

This is what you do: you turn the other way and RUN!. I'm sorry that you lost your baby but take this opportunity to get out of this situation and be grateful that you will not be tied to this selfish, inconsiderate, manipulative jerk for the rest of your life.

gurlygurl101 · Mar 19, 2009, 05:11 PM

I try to. But every time I start to move on he comes back saying "i love you, please dont leave" and then he brings up the fact that he helped me with my abusive ex and all the other problems. So he guilts me into being with him. I want to stay away from him, but its really hard to do. And I have a lot of trust issues with people. So that makes it harder. He's the kind of guy you want to hate but its difficult. I know what he does is wrong, but for some reason I stay, hoping he will change.

nikosmom · Mar 19, 2009, 05:17 PM

You stay because that's how abusive relationships work- it's about power. He did something for you (helping you with your ex) and now he's using that as leverage to treat you however he pleases. That doesn't entitle him to mistreat you. Great that he was there for you, but you don't owe him anything.

Breaking out of an abusive situation is tough but you have to just make a clean break and don't look back. Get yourself together and rebuild your self-esteem. Don't feel like you have to be in a relationship with this guy because you deserve someone that will respect you and treat you like you matter to him. And this guy doesn't.

He will not change.

gurlygurl101 · Mar 19, 2009, 05:22 PM

Thank you. That helps me a lot. I'm going to try and do this now. No looking back.

nikosmom · Mar 19, 2009, 05:25 PM

You can do it, you just have to be strong. End it and move on. Whenever you feel the need to contact him, find something to occupy yourself. Down the road you'll be amazed that you stayed as long as you did.

Good luck!

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 05:27 PM

I know what he does is wrong, but for some reason I stay, hoping he will change.

I have two exes that I hoped would change.

One hospitalized me many times.One day I realized I could not change him,love did not make the abuse go away.

The other is finally at peace with the lord in heaven,dying drunk and homeless.

This is a fact.. you can not change people who do not want to change.Change comes from within and it takes work.

Listen to that inner voice that is telling you to let this go.That is the voice or reason!

gurlygurl101 · Mar 19, 2009, 05:38 PM

Thank you both so much. I've actually got the confidence to do this. I know I can. Last time I told him I thought we should stay away from each other, I ended up crying myself to sleep and he got pissed and punched a wall at his house. So I hope this all goes over better.

nikosmom · Mar 19, 2009, 05:59 PM

That's further confirmation that you need to get out. If he gets angry enough to punch a wall, you'll be next. Just stay away from him. Keep us posted.

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by gurlygurl101

thank you both so much. ive actually got the confidence to do this. i know i can. last time i told him i thought we should stay away from eachother, i ended up crying myself to sleep and he got pissed and punched a wall at his house. so i hope this all goes over better.

Stay strong and hopefully you have someone who can stay with you or someplace else you feel you can go for support and a safe haven.

Keep that *I know I can do this* attitude,that is what is going to be your best asset so you can have a peaceful life without all this craziness.

You stop the cycle by walking away.

Many blessings my dear,hang tough.

artlady · Mar 19, 2009, 06:11 PM

Gurly hello again,I found a link I think gives a good explanation of a toxic relationship and I hope it helps you .The article focuses on getting over a toxic relationship.Its a good place to start when trying to understand about toxic relationships.
Healing from toxic relationships - by Christine G. - Helium

liz28 · Mar 19, 2009, 06:21 PM

It is good that you decided to move on because this relationship that you had with him is along the lines of Beyonce song "dangerously in love".

You might not be able to stop loving him right away but with time the love that you had for him will start fading away.

In the future your going reflect back on the relationship you had with him and is going say to yourself "what the heck was I thinking" and understand what love really means and hopefully you meet someone who truly can love you and treat you the way you should.

Stay strong and remember what don't kill you only makes you stronger.

dontknownuthin · Mar 19, 2009, 09:48 PM

You are in an abusive relationship that will never be a happy relationship. It's hard, but end it. I don't think you love him so much as you're afraid there won't be someone better. There will be, but not as long as this Dude is hanging out in the wings. Move on.

gurlygurl101 · Mar 20, 2009, 07:54 AM

Okay. I haven't talked to him in almost a week already so I think I'll be all right. I'm ignoring his calls and everything.

nikosmom · Mar 20, 2009, 08:02 AM

Good for you, keep it up and stay strong

chrissymarie · Mar 20, 2009, 01:26 PM

You two are just in love with the relationship. Not each other. I know the fear of not being with this person after everything you 2 have been through is scary but he may just be someone you got to learn from and now it's time to move on, Being through so many dramatics things together and still being a couple may seem like a sign that you are meant to be but it isn't, it's a sign that the person your with only brings drama into your life.

Snowbie · Mar 21, 2009, 12:03 PM

STAY AWAY ! How old are you?

Alty · Mar 21, 2009, 02:54 PM

Originally Posted by Snowbie

STAY AWAY ! How old are you?

Snowbie, considering that you have already told us that you're 10 years old, I hardly think that you can come on to other threads and give dating advice.

artlady · Mar 21, 2009, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Snowbie, considering that you have already told us that you're 10 years old, I hardly think that you can come on to other threads and give dating advice.

Had to spread the rep but that is so funny.I actually have tears in my eyes.;)