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mlewis631 · Aug 30, 2006, 06:34 PM

My husband has the following symptoms.

Very moody
Short temper
Insecure
Jealous
Impulsive (spending money)
Likes to drive too fast
Disregard for authority (won't listen to me or anyone else)
Work-a-holic

Does anyone know if he could possibly have a mental disorder. If so, what?

Thanks!

Fr_Chuck · Aug 30, 2006, 07:39 PM

While of course it can be, it really sounds like about 90 percent of all the husbands I hear about every day.

Most men are jealous, and work a holics are normally moody and short tempered when not at work.

Men in general like to drive fast,

And most people have poor spending habits, that is why bankruptcy is so common

So while of course it can be a disorder, in general you have just described the exact thing most wife's would say their husbands are.

mlewis631 · Aug 30, 2006, 08:35 PM

Thanks for the reply. I think you are right. It makes me feel better to hear you say that. We are just having problems right now, and I guess I am trying to find a "fixable" reason for his behavior. Thanks :o

cromptondot · Aug 30, 2006, 10:35 PM

Patience,my dear. A lot of men ARE like that. I think it may be that they are men and do not mature as fast as we do. Just be thankful that he does work and is willing to spend money. Love and patience is the key... And if he gets a speeding ticket,don't say "I told you to slow down", Just look at him with a sigh.

YeloDasy · Aug 30, 2006, 10:59 PM

It doesn't matter how normal things are or how abnormal they are,, what matters is how you feel about certain things and how you are reacting to them. It is a compromise... but it sounds like having a 3rd party and going to counseling, if only for a few sessions, can be helpful in sorting out the problems and getting you on your way yo resolutuon... and if he has a disorder, the counselor will let you know! :)

valinors_sorrow · Aug 31, 2006, 05:23 PM

Without a complete checkup by a trained professional, there really isn't any way to know about a mental disorder. However with that said there are many ways people are "damaged" emotionally or psychologically growing up and its perhaps that which is causing what you see. I will humbly beg to differ here that a lot of men are like your husband-- there are some. In many of the circles I travel, this would be considered arrogant immaturity -- a bad combination that needs either some fast growing up somehow or working it out with someone, the someone being not you -- an older trusted friend, a minister, a professional. Until then, he would not be regarded as very adult despite his biological age. Before you think this is harsh of me to view it this way, please let me remind you that the way the world works is opportunities will migrate to adults and pass by someone like him-- and I don't think either of you would want that. So this needs to be addressed and the sooner the better.

J_9 · Aug 31, 2006, 06:23 PM

Also, please understand that the hormone testosterone is known to cause aggressive behavior. Men are "full" of testosterone just as women are "full" of estrogen.

As women, we undergo the "change" which means losing estrogen, therefore we stop having periods. Typically men undergo the same "change" and lose testosterone and become calmer.

So, this problem can be looked at in a medical way as well as mental. I agree that counseling is an option here. Us women have to learn how to deal with PMS, which is usually an increase in estrogen, men should try to learn to deal with what I call HEMS, and in this case counseling can help with this process.

GaryArt · Aug 31, 2006, 10:47 PM

A "mental disorder" is a particular group of symptoms, with a name attached to it, recognized by a competent professional group. Only a trained, licensed mental health professional could properly say whether a particular group of symptoms does, or does not, fall with the parameters of a particular dignosis.

What it seems like you mean to ask is whether these behaviors could constitute a psychopathology - And that's a little easier. Almost any behavior can be pathological. The test is quite simple: Does the behavior in question produce a significant negative impact on his normal existence?

In other words, do any of his behaviors make his life (or those of people close to him) seriously more problematic than it would otherwise be? If the answer is "yes", then he probably should be treated.

But you need to consider that some of his behaviors may be reactionary - Is there something that happened recently (marriage, death, new job, promotion, demotion, childbirth, etc.) that could be stressing him to the point he is acting out, trying to release his stress or frustration by indirect means?
In any event, it is obviously bothering you, and, for the sake of your marriage, his behaviors need to be examined... perhaps by a marriage counselor. IT IS EXTREMELY DOUBTFUL THAT You're CONFRONTING HIM BY COMPLAINING WILL HAVE A POSITIVE EFFECT.

YeloDasy and Valinors gave wise answers.

Good luck.

AKaeTrue · Sep 1, 2006, 12:24 AM

The behaviors you describe your husband as having are all listed as the symptoms for a person suffering in the manic episode phase of the very complexed mental illness known as Bipolar Disorder. Often this disease goes unrecognized, undiagnosed and untreated. It's worth looking into. Type "Bipolar Mood Disorder" into your search engine to learn more about it.
Let us know how everything turns out.

Thomas1970 · Sep 1, 2006, 02:55 AM

Depending on the relatively objective environmental and circumstantial situations and precipitating factors involved in, or leading up to these more emotional experiences, this could certainly also fit the profile of a borderline personality disorder; which would have a strong correlation with inadquacies fostered in childhood. Though I think the previous answers are superb, and I don't feel applying labels necessarily ever brings anyone closer to finding solutions. People need compassion, understanding, and dynamic treatment catered to their own unique situation. People are rarely capable of making others feel more miserable than they themselves, the perpetrators, already do, despite whatever fronts they may attempt to put up.
Do gently encourage him to seek counseling of some sort, in order to better manage his feelings. Though in the meantime, simply try to be understanding, even if he isn't always capable of being that way with others.
Good luck. Take care.

YeloDasy · Sep 1, 2006, 07:58 AM

Well, yeah it is nice to tell her what the diagnosis can be, I don't think it is good to diagnose until he sees someone... the past posts mentioned Bi-Polar (manic) and borderline... but it could also be anti-social, narcissistic, etc... but it could also be symptoms of a certain stressor... so I would recommended not giving a diagnosis until he sees someone... especially because giving a label is really uncool unless it is necessary. :)

valinors_sorrow · Sep 1, 2006, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by YeloDasy

Well, yeah it is nice to tell her what the diagnosis can be, I dont think it is good to diagnose until he sees someone... the past posts mentioned Bi-Polar (manic) and borderline... but it could also be anti-social, narcissistic, etc... but it could also be symptoms of a certain stressor... so I would recommended not giving a diagnosis until he sees someone... especially becuase giving a label is really uncool unless it is necessary. :)

I nod vigorously to this... a label without a solution is just outright unkind.

Gracie98 · Sep 7, 2006, 05:27 AM

Hello,
I think its unlikely that he has a mental disorder - as Fr Chuck said, lots of men are like that. However, not all men. My partner isn't, although I have known various men with some or all of those tendencies. Men in general do like to take more risks than women and do not always consider what the outcomes will be. I also think that men generally aren't as able to view or analyse their own actions in an objective way. It may be that he doesn't even realise the extent that he does these things.

However, from the list of things you've described, he doesn't seem to be 'at peace' with himself. Sometimes impulsive behaviour and working really hard can be a way of avoiding something - a form of escapism. Is there something that could be causing your husband unhappiness that he doesn't want to/know how to face up to?

Does he enjoy his job and choose to work hard or is it a necessity that he begrudges? He could just be stressed. Stress can make people irritable, moody and short-tempered. It can also make people feel like they need to reward themselves, for example, by eating nice food or buying nice things for themselves (by spending lots of money), to compensate for the stress and unhappiness that they feel in other areas of their life. Perhaps he needs to try and slow down a bit and find some time to do some activities that he really enjoys.

A previous parner of mine had a problem with authority. He used to get really angry with people who 'thought they knew best' or were telling him what to do. I think there were a few issues in his past, but it turned out that it was mainly due to other areas that he was unhappy with in his life and his difficulty expressing feelings. Some men use anger because they don't know how to express hurt or sadness. When other areas of his life improved and he was encouraged to express sadness (does your husband ever cry or need hugs or is he the type of person that hasn't cried for 5 years?), the aggression towards authority figures just faded away and he mellowed in general.

It's hard to say without knowing more detail about the situation,
Hope it works out x.

kitkat77774 · Oct 24, 2006, 10:11 AM

It is hard to characterize him as having a disorder as everyone at some point shares those characteristics. However, if they are getting in the way of happiness and life I would suggest seeing a therapist.

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 24, 2006, 03:22 PM

Hey... this man sounds like the next man next door and hold it... it even sounds like the man on my couch...

Now, there will be a problem if he is hitting you... abusing substance... you will be homeless tomorrow because of his purchases... gambling... very abusive behavior... and let us pray that these event will never reach your home or any one else's...

He just has the signs of a controlling male, that behaves selfishly... in short a man... a macho man...

sjb · Nov 22, 2006, 07:30 PM

He needs an outlet like a hobby that includes physical activity. Do you have, you know very often? Men are men and they always will be. Depression is anger turned inside but the anger is still there and that's where the moodiness and arrogance and such comes from. Depression pills are no good. Just help him change his lifestyle and make him happy.