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fmerch · Mar 16, 2009, 03:36 AM

Okay first of all.. me and this guy were seeing eachother/talking for about a month. We were both really really into each other. Used to text every single day as soon as we were both free . The only problem was he lived 20 min away from me so I didn't get to see him as much as I would have liked to.I soon found out my famil and myself were moving 10 min away from him so he said as soon as I did we would see each other more. However since he has started uni we barely keep in touch. We used to talk every single day before work after work before he started work but now 4 days go by and I don't hear from him. I saw him 12 days ago and that was when we both caught the train back from uni together. He told me he has been really busy with uni work and work and has no free time but how can he possibly not spare even 2 min to message. I'm also a busy girl but I manage to always have time to message him. He seems keen when and he writes his text messages but the fact that we hardly speakk and see each other... what should I do ? I don't want to seem clingy I messaged him on fri afternoon and now its Monday night and I haven't received a reply? Shuld I waitt for him to write back or should I message maybe a few days later and ask how he is. I don't know what to say in the message but I don't want it to seem like I care too much . Even though I like him SO MUCH. Please help me . On Thursday night he messaged me saying he misses the times we hung out but hasn't wrote back to my message after wards ? That is SO confusing.. how can things change

Thank you

Romefalls19 · Mar 16, 2009, 05:36 AM

The only constant is change, sadly people grow apart and college is a huge part of his life. My whole outlook was during high school it's a free ride so if you fail nothing happens, in college you have to pay for it. Therefore you try a lot harder

fmerch · Mar 16, 2009, 05:42 AM

But what if I don't just want to give up. Is there nothing I can do ? :( AT ALL ? I don't want to accept the fact that its over... there has to be another way ?

kctiger · Mar 16, 2009, 05:46 AM

If he isn't willing to devote the effort, it is clearly not going to go anywhere. Why waste your time? You got too attached, too quickly, and it seems like a done deal. Sorry.

CrazyThumper · Mar 16, 2009, 07:48 AM

fmerch- he isn't too busy for you, he just doesn't want to put the effort into you. This is a no bs answer. Anytime in my life when someone says "I didn't have time, or I just been real busy", for the most part I call BS on their part. You are right, a txt msg/phone call can take 30 seconds, even if it is to say "im sorry I didnt call just been busy". But him going days, etc without contacting you or responding is just his way of saying "your not high on my priority list" and you know the old saying...

Let it go- you don't want someone who won't make time for you. Sorry you're hurting over him.

talaniman · Mar 16, 2009, 08:58 AM

Its obvious he doesn't care as much as you do and you should take the hint not to give this guy So much importance so soon. Better to leave him alone and not count on his interest, than be so smitten as to be desperate and needy.

But what if I don't just want to give up.

That would be a chance you take. Just be more realistic with your expectations.

mrpigz · Mar 16, 2009, 10:19 AM

Hi fmerch, from what I understood from your post, you seems like a nice women... you just want your partner to spend time with you and that's exactly not clingy, its in fact normal. I mean who doesn't want to spend time and be close with their loved ones? And is not like you are asking everyday or every hour of his life.

I always wanted to spend time with my own partner, even if she's living like one hour + away from me. No matter how tired I am even if I had a huge ton of uni sch work, I will try to compromise some time for her.

Anyway he might be really busy you never know, just give him a benefit of a doubt for this moment. Because what you need to worry about now is not this.

I think the real deal is, you must ask yourself, what do you want from this relationship? As in understand what you are uncomfortable and comfortable about in this relationship. 2 of you had only been together for a month, it's still a long way down the road to understand each other better and learn to understand each other needs and dislikes.

So I guess, why don't you just let him know how you felt. Tell him honestly how you feel nicely and patiently. If he still unable to spend time with you that much like what you wanted, then I think is ties down to the word compatibility.

Talk nicely with him and let him know, and try to find a balance between the 2 of you in the relationship

Good luck.

unspeaken21 · Mar 16, 2009, 04:38 PM

fmerch me and my partner live over an hour apart by car and around 45minutes by public transportation, yet we still put the effort to see each other no matter how busy we are.(and we see each other at least once/twice a week)

I don't like him... If he is like this now and you accept it, then in the future its going to be the same since you allowed it. Do you really want that?
You can do better...
Personally, when I don't reply to a message on my cell it is because I just don't want to speak to that person at that time and it will take me about 2-4 days until I actually reply, with an apology. However, I have never done that to my partner..

I say move on forward without him because I really doubt he is capable of changing to the best..
You can do better than him, and you can find better than him.. Remember that...

Goodluck!

fmerch · Mar 17, 2009, 05:56 AM

Okay so what if I give him a call sometime this week ? Should I... its been about 5 days since we've talked.. or should I just leave it. I REAAAAALLLYY want to call him but I don't want to seem desperate I mean 5 days... he won't think I'm desperate right ? I just need closure that's whyy

starlite1 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:08 AM

Hi fmerch,

I know you really want to talk/text him honey, but I wouldn't suggest you do. Let him now make the effort to contact you. You have done more than enough to let him know you are around which is nice, but let him miss you and think about you without you reaching out to him. If you do not hear from him in a few days, a week, I would suggest you move on. I know that isn't what you want to do, but that is what you will need to do... go NC (no contact) completely and keep yourself busy with your friends, family, etc and keep your eyes open for someone new. And, down the road, you never know... you may just hear from him. If that happens, play it nice, but play it cool. Keep us posted okay? We are all here for you!

fmerch · Mar 17, 2009, 06:46 AM

Okay. Thanku so much . :( I get it. I should just wait for him... I hope I don't have to wait too long... but could someone please clarify. Whyyy do guys play mind games ! Really its so frustrating. Evn though he is VERY mature. I don't get it . Why would a guy say he misses a girll... but then doesn't call or message her. Like in his messages even now he's so sweet . Its like nothings changed so then why doesn't he keep in touch.. one would think if he's moved on he wouldn't reply tomy messages ? Or they would be less affectionate... but there the same. I don't understand ! That's why I'm confused

starlite1 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:50 AM

I wouldn't put your life on hold for him. You need to do things to get your mind off him right now. Again, I know it is hard, but if he is interested in a relationship with you, he will let you know. For now, you need to really move on from him. I hate to say this, but if he doesn't come back, then you wasted all of your time and energy. You need to go out and have fun, and not wait around for him. I really won't do you any good. We have all been there, and it sucks I know, but believe me, you need to move on for yourself. You have a lot to offer, and you could spend this time doing for you, and eventually someone else will come along who wants to be with you.