[Emma IOI]

I'm 20 years old, I was forced to drop out of school last April by my family after knowing that I was having a relationship with a guy who is only 2 yrs older then me(I have been with him for about 3 yrs alredy). Now I have no job and I have to wait till end of this year to continue my studies but that problem is that my family doesn't trust me any more,they won't let me out of the house or having any contact with my friends. I'm stuck at home, and since I have a lot of ciblings I was left to do all their chors at home for punishment. I manage to contact my boyfriend which he told me that I should run away with him,I did not agree but I have run out of ideas.

Please give me advice,I really need a conclusion.

[VaGardener804]

Please do not run away. Anyone who asks you run away is not responsible or they are not thinking of the future. If you are under 18 this is not the way to go. Finish school and if he loves you he will wait. I know this because I had left my family for someone they disapproved of. I lost my family. My mother passed whoile I was gone and I never got to say good-bye. I was with the man for 4 years and ended up alone with two children. Please think about this.

[aqua@home]

You are 20 years old and in most places this makes you an adult. I don't know where you are (ie. Country) but you should be old enough to do what you want. If you can wait, my advice would be to finish school then get out. It is difficult to do anything without at least a high school education and it is even harder to get an education when you are on your own.

I guess I agree with VaGardener... she made good sense. Be patient.

[CaptainForest]

What I don't get is why you dropped out of school in the first place?

It is good that you are going back though.

If you really want to leave, then leave. You are 20. If you do not like living at home and have no compelling reason to stay, then leave.

[Krs]

I agree with Aqua and Captain.
You are not a child anymore. You can fend for yourself.

But why did u have to drop out of school and why are you parents really mad at you?

[Emma IOI]

My parents are mad at me cause I had sex with him,I droped out of school cause my parents want me to so that I can't contact him anymore.my family abuse me, they hit me many times if I make a mistake, yesterday I forgot to make tea for my dad, he was so mad that he kicked me three times on my stomach.

[Krs]

WOW, you should seek help NOW!
This should not be allowed in any house hold no matter your age, sex and culture.

Your parents are not giving their support, care and love to you.
You had sex, you are 20 years old, they are selfish in making you drop out of school, this is your future. You are no slave.

This is serious, seek help immediately. Go the Police. Where do u come from?

[aqua@home]

That changes things completely! You need to get out of your house. Maybe your boyfriend has a good point about running away. Whatever you do, be safe and don't get pregnant. Get out of the house! Get help!

[s_cianci]

Well, you're 20 years old. You are no longer bound to your parents and certainly not obliged to live under their rules, especially if they're as unreasonable as they sound. I agree with your boyfriend that you should get out of their house. However I don't advocate "running away" per se. There's no reason why you can't continue with your studies and live on campus. College campuses typically have a wide variety of student housing options available. You should be eligible for plenty of financial assistance, especially once you establish yourself as independent from your parents. Be sure especially to make it known that they forced you to leave school, thereby indicating an unwillingness to provide any financial support for your education.

[CaptainForest]

Abuse? Hitting?

Go the police for the sake of your younger siblings who can't leave just yet.

And then get the hell out of there yourself.

[aqua@home]

first off if you are under age and he is of age that is considered rape and your parents read like the type that will press charges...

How do you know she is underage? Where is she? What age makes her old enough to have sex? Just curious.

[CaptainForest]

first off if you are under age and he is of age that is considered rape and your parents read like the type that will press charges...

How do you know she is underage? Where is she? What age makes her old enough to have sex? Just curious.

I agree with Aqua.

This statement makes almost no sense.

She has said she is 20 and her boyfriend is 22.

[talaniman]

I see a lot of red flags here and I don't really think we have all the facts and the ones we do have are not clear or consistent.
Where in the world is a 20(?) year old so subjugated and abused and says nothing about it off the bat? What 20 year old comes home to this after being away? Sorry I need more facts.

[LUNAGODDESS]

I was taught never to take a statement at face value... that is why I took my time in replying to this serious event (events);
I have two grown adults and through their years... I have noticed many signs of maturity and immaturity... my adventures through raising children tells me that children will say a lot to get what they want and this is one event... I have done many hours of volunteer work with children at risk... and have learned from the best…no amount of education could have prepared me for the experiences…

The reason I know this person is of a younger age:
• The overly oppressive parents... flag “…I'm 20 years old; I was forced to drop out of school…” Before… I go any further her parents forced her out of school…how did they accomplish such an actions…in most U.S. states children not in school are reported to the administration of the school and from there a report is sent to Children Protective service …and a social worker would come and check out the situation…she mentioned not one actions
• “…My family doesn't trust me any more… they won't let me out of the house or having any contact with my friends…” Next, when parents send a child to the room and no association is in order…that means no use of the computer other than homework…and no contact with associates will mean no email…[flag]…this writing should not have been possible
• “…I’m stuck at home, and since I have a lot of siblings… I was left to do all their chores at home for punishment…” She has other brothers or sisters or both…and they are receiving attention and she is feeling left out…[flag]

• “…I manage to contact my boyfriend whom he told me that I should run away with him…” any boyfriend that asks a girlfriend to run away with them is either under age or immature. I man would have suggested to his woman… he has a place and she could come and live with him…not run away with him…[flag]

• The use of the word school…if she was in college or a university she would have stated that…tell us that she is an abuse adult…that is possible…tell us the whole story about the actions of the overly oppressive parents…daddy hit her in the stomach because of something was wrong with the tea…[flag] why?

• These are my opinions…there is a problem or two here…we just need Emma IOI tell us what is really the problem…designing her problems as movie of the week is not necessary here.

• EmmaIOI is a young adult true…watch more sh** will come… if the opinions are not in here favor…

[CaptainForest]

LUNA,

You make some good points.

However, I have seen others posts who are from adults but whose parents control them. I remember 2 posts, both of whom came from Chinese families.

So I guess I assumed that this situation of facts is possible.

But you raise some very good points and you could very well be right.

[starryeyed]

I really see where Luna is coming from...
But, I have seen something very similar happen in an extended branch of my own family - and I think that when such controlling and abusive behaviour is taught from a very young age, then it is very difficult, even for adults, who have internalised this, to break away, and often make their own choices...
I don't think 'running away' is a good idea - but maybe becoming more independent, somehow 'breaking away', is... I mean, even if it is, as Luna suggests "sh**", then by the time you're twenty, you don't have to stay in a situation where there is so much drama...

[J_9]

I also see where Luna is coming from, but it seems to me that this person is NOT in the U.S. And life is different in different cultures.

For instance in some countries a woman MUST not have sex before marriage. (We had this discussion in Medical Ethics yesterday). It is very possible that this person could be a victim of her culture.

So, it is my opinion that we can only take what is written here at face value.

[talaniman]

I'd like to know how her parents found out about her having sex and where she is from. There are hardly any facts here except she get beaten by her father regularly, and act as if its no big deal.

[starryeyed]

I also see where Luna is coming from, but it seems to me that this person is NOT in the U.S. And life is different in different cultures.

For instance in some countries a woman MUST not have sex before marriage. (We had this discussion in Medical Ethics yesterday). It is very possible that this person could be a victim of her culture.

So, it is my opinion that we can only take what is written here at face value.

I agree - it becomes pretty messy because without really understanding the culture from which she is writing, suggestions could have repurcussions that we don't realise.. I mean - it's fair to say that beating your daughter is wrong - but exactly what action to take really depends on where you are...
But I also know of many families that live in the UK, where I taught for a long time in a high school in a depressed area, where families with other cultural backgrounds continued raising their children with the same norms and expectectations that they had before - and these sometimes included ideas about sex, parental control and child abuse.

[Emma IOI]

I'm a singaporian,a Muslim and malay.In Singapore parents have the rights to drop their children from school. Some did asked me why I drop out of school, I only told them that I had the help my mother with her little business.
• Of course I'm feeling out, who won't? Don't I decerve any attention?
• I know it is stupid that my boyfriend asked me to run away with him but he has a point,he's got a car,job and lives in an apartment.
• My parents are always hitting us if there is anything that isn't their satisfaction.They cannot control their temper,since I have don't something that they dislike the most they often hit me instead.