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heartbroke · Mar 17, 2009, 04:58 PM

It will be clear to you, I fought and lost and I wish I didn't go through with it. When the circumstances are telling you what's up then you will know

I wish · Mar 17, 2009, 05:42 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

yup yup thanks for the advice guys. but how do you know when to let go or fight for it because people tell me when you really love someone you would fight for them to the very end? thats whats bothering me right now

I just finished my fight and I lost. But you know what, now that I look back, it didn't matter how hard I tried in the end, it's either going to happen or it's not. Our efforts can be fruitless. I don't believe that it should be such a painful process.

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 06:12 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

I just finished my fight and I lost. But you know what, now that I look back, it didn't matter how hard I tried in the end, it's either gonna happen or it's not. Our efforts can be fruitless. I don't believe that it should be such a painful process.

Do you regret fighting for it though? Because now it's a little easier because you know you did everything you could?

Survivor07 · Mar 17, 2009, 07:21 PM

That would be a very bad move. BAD

Yes, keep up with no contact.

Seeing her on Facebook was bad enough, right?

Seeing her face to face, with his face... BAD

This does get better. You'll see. That's why they call it "first" love. It's not your last.

I wish · Mar 17, 2009, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by none12345

Do you regret fighting for it though? because now its a little easier because you know you did everything you could?

I did what I could with what I was given and she did not reciprocate. So if she doesn't reciprocate, then there's no point to keep trying... so in that sense, I did not do everything I could have... but I don't have any regrets cause at least I tried.

none12345 · Mar 18, 2009, 08:39 AM

Actually guys the more I think about the more I can't do this anymore. I can't be a puppy waiting around anymore and I can't just be her new doormat like everyone said. She's different now to me.

She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around. Anyway so yah I told her I would come this weekend to talk but that was like 3 weeks ago before I started no contact and I guess she is kind of expecting me?

I wish · Mar 18, 2009, 10:41 AM

You know what... everyone's encouraging the no contact rule for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You've made it clear that you feel like there's still more that you want to do. So if you don't do it now, then you're going to regret it later.

So maybe confronting her so that she can shoot you down face-to-face is exactly what you need.

Do what you have to do so that you can accept that you need to move on.

none12345 · Mar 18, 2009, 11:51 AM

Originally Posted by I wish

You know what... everyone's encouraging the no contact rule for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. You've made it clear that you feel like there's still more that you want to do. So if you don't do it now, then you're going to regret it later.

So maybe confronting her so that she can shoot you down face-to-face is exactly what you need.

Do what you have to do so that you can accept that you need to move on.

Yah that is exactly what my friend is telling me and he's pissed at me cause he thinks I am so stupid because of the no contact rule he thinks it is stupid. Its really now or never if I get the girl or I don't. I decided to go see her this weekend and to talk things out. Though everyone is telling me I will regret it later but to me I think I will regret it even more knowing I didn't fight for her till the very end. Maybe I am not at the stage of no contact yet. I think I need solid face to face closure before I can apply the no contact rule. I really do want to know how she feels about me if she still has feelings for me or not. The other guy is always there listening to her and I think I am just pushing her further away by applying the no contact rule.

I think she wants to see who would fight for her. People tell me not to chase her or be her puppy. But I think its time to put my pride aside and go for what I want. My friend is telling me not to base my relationship on what people tell me. He says its more than that and I can't afford to lose her because of it. Chances are you guys are right. I might end up regretting to go see her this weekend but I feel like its something I have to do before there is nothing left in the relationship at all. I know I might seem stubborn and young but I do know what I feel for her is real. Its like I'm going into the war and fight for her even though I might end up losing but I know at least I tried my best.

My friend told me that she is still confused of what she wants because she told me she wants to hear what I have to say to her this weekend. I really do want to try to make things work. You're exactly right no contact isn't for everyone either that or I'm not just not there yet. Even though people said she made it clear that she wants to be with this other guy maybe she is just waiting for me to step up and do something about it to win her over. I know that's what it is because that's what I feel. I got to get my emotions together because this might be a long battle but I hope in the end I win. Wow... I still cry for her can you believe that?

I stopped no contacting her today and told her I would come see her this weekend to tell her things and she said she wants to hear me and my friend said its an indication that she is still confused and that I should stop making her confuse. Cause while I have been here no contacting her acting like a kid, the other guy is listening to her, comforting her and maybe starting to build something more with her but I don't feel like I can let that happen. I got to do something before its too late. Anyway just want to update you guys. Thanks for posting and helping me through it when I need it the most and I think I found the answer to what I am looking for.

I wish · Mar 18, 2009, 12:14 PM

It's obvious that you're not at the stage of no contact yet. People are just trying to save you extra pain by telling you to forget her and start moving on now. But the longer you drag this out, the more pain you will feel. So it's as lose-lose situation. Therefore, confronting her might be your best choice. But before you go into battle, keep in mind:

1) You might feel that you have a chance to win, but be prepared to loose. The worse thing that can happen is that things don't work out and you won't even be able to stay friends. It's the same as the no contact rule so there's not much to lose at this point.

2) Don't worry about her relationship/friendships with other guys, only worry about your own actions. We can't control the actions of others, only our own actions.

3) If fine to cry for her, it just means that you really like her. But at the same time, remember that if you truly loved someone, you would also be able to let them go and hope that they have a happy life.

none12345 · Mar 20, 2009, 12:35 AM

Tomorrow ima go to tell her my feelings before its too late guys she needs to know how I feel about her... it might be futile but at least I know I tried my best. Just want to update you guys. It ll probably end up what you guys tell me and ill regret it but won't know till I try

I wish · Mar 20, 2009, 08:01 AM

Good luck none12345! Expect the worst, but hope for the best!

none12345 · Mar 22, 2009, 08:04 PM

Iwish I fought but I lost >_< but I think I feel a little better now because I said what I had to and I did what I could and now there's nothing more I can do... yup just wanted to let you know

none12345 · Mar 22, 2009, 10:27 PM

Now she is telling me that she wants to give me one last chance to be with her because she doesn't want me regretting and she wants to know if she can truly be happy with me... I told her okay I will try but I don't know everything doesn't feel right for some reasons what do you guys think?

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 06:14 AM

What a mess you have, especially it seems with your friends also. Look guy you set this whole thing up for yourself when you broke no contact. If you think her giving you another chance so YOU will have no regrets is a good reason to be with someone, THINK AGAIN, and make no mistake her being curious to see if she will be happy is as bogus an excuse as there is.

Let me remind you of something you said..

She thinks she has the upper hand when clearly I should be the one with it and if she wants to be with me this time she has to earn that chance not the other way around.

Or read this about getting back together, things will be very different.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nd-332322.html

The whole point, better know if this was a last attempt to get her back, or a chance to vent your feelings and get closure to move on. Time to be honest with yourself.

Oh just to clear up a few things, No Contact works for EVERYONE who wants to heal.

If you need closure that bad, then bear the consequences of your actions, or the blessings. A risk we all have to take. Time will tell.

heartbroke · Mar 23, 2009, 08:18 AM

Dude I am just 3 weeks ahead of your situation. I just did all that and I told you the outcome. Details don't make the situation any different. Your just going to be disappointed. Check out the last 2 pages of my thread and you will see what you''ll be up for.

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 10:43 AM

Guys you were completely right. Today she made it clear to me that she don't want this anymore. You guys tried to save me the pain but I thought things was different... but its all the same I think its time I learn to let her go and be happy because that's what I truly want for her... I've been crying all day. I should have just listened to you guys I think its back to no contact for me and its time I move on...

kctiger · Mar 23, 2009, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by none12345

guys you were completely right. today she made it clear to me that she dont want this anymore. you guys tried to save me the pain but i thought things was different... but its all the same i think its time i learn to let her go and be happy because thats what i truely want for her... i've been crying all day. i should have just listened to you guys i think its back to no contact for me and its time i move on....

You are just human!! I cannot tell you how many times people told me to do the same thing, and I still kept causing myself more and more pain. No worries bud! Just know we have all been there. You aren't alone!

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 01:53 PM

Originally Posted by kctiger

You are just human!!! I cannot tell you how many times people told me to do the same thing, and I still kept causing myself more and more pain. No worries bud!! Just know we have all been there. You aren't alone!

Hey kctiger thanks for posting. I've read your post its been a while since u broke up with right? I'm just wondering how's things going now man? Is it getting betta? Anything happened between the two of you??

none12345 · Mar 23, 2009, 04:30 PM

I said I needed closure to go see her and I ended up begging her to give me one last chance >_<. She says she realized she can't be with me anymore and I think we're officially over but she still wants to talk to me. Should I NC or talk to her because I don't want to be her friend to cushion her guilt for blowing me off? Wutcha guys think?

talaniman · Mar 23, 2009, 04:37 PM

I guess you haven't learned the sweet art of disappearing from someone's life.

I thought you read the stickies at the beginning of this forum??