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HistorianChick · Mar 16, 2009, 11:55 AM

Actually, that episode was the single, solitary episode that I watched of that series. I was going through a rough break up and someone made me watch it.

I needed to hear that principle. That states "when it's over, you have to believe that it is over before you can really, truly heal." Then, once you get rid of the "ex stuff" hunky firemen will come ;)

Seriously though, the best way to move on is to truly move on. Not hold on to hopes and wishes that you'll get back together, because that is just a false sense of happiness.

Truly, completely, honestly move on. Start now - decide that you're really going to move on. It's a mental decision, every moment.

And, pretty soon, you'll realize that you really have moved on - and that you can look back on the relationship with a smile for the good times.

I wish you the best.

none12345 · Mar 16, 2009, 10:22 PM

Hey guys appreciate everything you guys said and I can see where you are getting at and you guys are probably right that ill regret this but I think this weekend I'm going to go see her and ask her who she wants to be with and that there's no room for 2 guys in her life. And if she wants to be with the other guy ill just stay out of her life because it would hurt me to see them together.

I think I need closure so I can finally accept it and it would be easier to heal and move on after all she was my first love so its going to be really hard. I just don't think we can just end things like this without things being settled. Im still deciding whether my love for her is true and if I would fight for her to the end or not. What do you guys think?

Just wanted to update you guys... Thanks Again

none12345 · Mar 16, 2009, 10:23 PM

I think I will regret it even more if I don't do whatever I can and maybe I can find my peace easier if things don't work out for me to know that I did everything I could.

heartbroke · Mar 16, 2009, 10:32 PM

Don't do anything for or to her anymore. Ive done it all, and it just makes you seem weak! Trust me on this I did everything wrong for 2 months. I texted, emailed, drunk dialed, showed up, letters blah blah etc etc. Do something to get your mind off her, like take a trip or visit an old friend. I broke NC 8 times!! And its been 2 months and all its done was put me in the same cycle of ups and downs. Id be great one day, then contacted her, then I feel like I'm back at square one. I did this for 2 months dude. Its not healthy, She's with someone else, she's moved on. Disappear and make her miss you, if she comes back that's up to you whether to take her back, I wouldn't especially if she's with someone else after a week and streaming it to the world on Facebook. That to me shows she has no respect for you, treat her the same way. If you show up and see her its only going to hurt you more. I had to pick up my stuff from her house, damn that hurt. Don't go and see her you will regret it!! I felt the same way you did, you would rather try and fail than not try at all, but ITS NOT WORTH IT!! I KNOW. I JUST DEALT WITH THE Same SITUATION! And your not going to get the outcome your looking for, otherwise she'd still be with you, you cannot change her mind. And trying will only make her angrier that you are trying to change her mind.

none12345 · Mar 16, 2009, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

Dont do anything for or to her anymore. Ive done it all, and it just makes you seem weak! Trust me on this i did everything wrong for 2 months. I texted, emailed, drunk dialed, showed up, letters blah blah etc etc. Do something to get your mind off her, like take a trip or visit an old friend. I broke NC 8 times!!! and its been 2 months and all its done was put me in the same cycle of ups and downs. Id be great one day, then contacted her, then i feel like im back at square one. I did this for 2 months dude. Its not healthy, Shes with someone else, shes moved on. Dissapear and make her miss you, if she comes back thats up to you whether or not to take her back, i wouldnt especially if shes with someone else after a week and streaming it to the world on facebook. That to me shows she has no respect for you, treat her the same way. If you show up and see her its only going to hurt you more. I had to pick up my stuff from her house, damn that hurt. Dont go and see her you will regret it!!!!!! I felt the same exact way you did, u would rather try and fail than not try at all, but ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!!!I KNOW. I JUST DEALT WITH THE SAME EXACT SITUATION! and your not going to get the outcome your looking for, otherwise she'd still be with you, you cannot change her mind. And trying will only make her angrier that u are trying to change her mind.

Yah dewd I know what you mean. Maybe if I fill you in with more details too see if it matters. Basically she wants me to tell her about how I really feel about her and I told her I rather do this in person than IM or on the phone. Originally I thought about just sending a letter because she is not worth going so far for anymore because of what she did. I feel betrayed but I still have feelings for her and I wish things with her would end up well. I've been in no contact for more than a week now and I starting to heal and feel like I don't need her in my life anymore. But I still feel a part of me is missing

But I still have feelings for her and I wish me and her would end up well together. I feel like things aren't settled yet and I need closure in order to move on and heal healthily. She said she would make time for me this weekend if I come. She said she needs to know how I feel and think and says it might make a difference. Notice the word "might" I just don't get it... how can she be with someone so fast after breaking up with her first love, Me. What about true love? If you love someone truly and deeply you would do anything for them? You would fight for them to the very end? I would do that but only if that guy is not in her life because it hurts me too much to see them together.

And I need some answers before I can make a decision to fight for her to the very end or its time to let go. I would rather do this in person. So basically what I'm saying is I'm looking for closure. And I talked to some of my friends and they say if you don't try your best right now then you might regret it for the rest of your life but if you tried your best and she doesn't end up with you at least you won't have any regrets because you tried your best? What do you think about this? Do you believe in it? Anyway so yah that's what's going on now.

heartbroke · Mar 16, 2009, 11:00 PM

I did that, and it did nothing but sink me in a deeper hole. Say you tried right? And things didn't go your way, then all of a sudden you're thinking, "i dont think that was my best, lemme try again". Then you get into the "what if's"... What if I said this instead of that.. and depending on how persistent you are it's a cycle that will have you bleeding out of your heart. She should know how you feel, but telling her will only give her the upper hand. You tell her you love her and that you want her to "choose" which guy she wants. If she chooses the other guy and it doesn't work out... are you going to be her new doormat? I was a few days to proposing to my ex. We were a few weeks from moving away to start our new life. She haunts me, everything from my clothes, my truck, my school was all a positive result of her. I cannot escape from her, and I love her but she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Says she "lost interest" in me, right after she was losing her house, we both lost our jobs and spent the last 2 weeks together at her place. You can't tell her, she just needs to realize. Plus you chase a girl, they run away, but if you let them be, surely but slowly they will come back. I still have feelings for my girl, I loved her. But she has no feelings for me which is sad and makes me depressed to the bone. She wants to see how high you will jump for her, save your dignity... do not see her

none12345 · Mar 16, 2009, 11:13 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

i did that, and it did nothing but sink me in a deeper hole. Say u tried right? and things didnt go your way, then all of a sudden youre thinking, "i dont think that was my best, lemme try again". Then you get into the "what if's"....What if i said this instead of that..., and depending on how persistent you are its a cycle that will have you bleeding out of your heart. She should know how you feel, but telling her will only give her the upper hand. You tell her you love her and that you want her to "choose" which guy she wants. If she chooses the other guy and it doesnt work out...are you going to be her new doormat? I was a few days to proposing to this girl. We were a few weeks from moving away to start our new life. This girl haunts me, everything from my clothes, my truck, my school was all a positive result of her. I cannot escape from her, and i love her but she doesnt want to be with me anymore. Says she "lost interest" in me, right after she was losing her house, we both lost our jobs and spent the last 2 weeks together at her place. You can't tell her, she just needs to realize. Plus you chase a girl, they run away, but if you let them be, surely but slowly they will come back. I still have feelings for my girl, i loved her. but she has no feelings for me which is sad and makes me depressed to the bone. She wants to see how high you will jump for her, save your dignity...do not see her

Awww sorry to hear about that girl. You had it worse than me you guys were about to move away together. What happened after? How did you cope with it? How have you been ever since? Are you still thinking of her or have you found someone new?

Okay yea you are right it is just going to become a cycle with full of heartaches along with it. Ever I stopped contacting her the heartaches are gone now and I feel better but I still miss her here and there and I feeel like a part of me is missing without her in my life. She is kind of expecting me so do I blow her off and tell her I can't come? But this time when I do go and she decides to go with the other guy I will tell myself not to go back. But I don't know if I can follow through with it.

She does want to see how high I am willing to jump for her. She said who ever jumps for her the highest is the person she is going to be with. But that's the thing I'm not going to be compared to this other guy. Im going to tell her I'm walking out of her life forever if she picks him originally when I decided to go. I don't feel like I should be compared. She told the other guy that she wants to hear what I have to tell her first before she can make a decision of who she wants to be with when clearly she wants to be with him. So why is she doing this? Why can't she come out and tell me I'm not the one she wants to be with? That would be a lot easier for me to accept and for me to move on instead of just keeping me here saying there's a "chance" ill end up with her.

I just feel like I need some closure. If not a last confrontation is there any other way I can find one and leave things unsettled? Anyway what do you think about this?? Thanks for replying.

heartbroke · Mar 16, 2009, 11:35 PM

I am still not over my ex. When I lose someone like that so close to me, ill never get over it and I never will, I am still learning how to deal with it. She was everything I was looking for in a person, looks, wits and everything in between. I would do anything to be with her again.
I have not looked for anyone as I am not over her, its not healthy for me, not fair to the new person if I have not healed and moved on. I am still coping with it. There is a huge void that cannot be filled by anyone but her, or solely repaired by me. I went to the Caribbean to do volunteer work to make me feel good about myself. It was great until my thoughts caught up to me, and I cut my trip short 2 weeks.
Now your situation... I don't mean to be rude when I say this but you have both become her monkeys at the circus. Whoever does a trick gets the banana. You're letting her size which one of you she wants.I know my ex isn't with someone but she's gorgeous and I'm sure someone will come along soon and shell be swept away. You have closure buddy, she's with someone else and you've decided to give her a chance to choose which one of you she wants. Don't show her that you're willing to be picked out of a crowd. You are unique... one in six billion, and if she can't see that then its her loss. I say blow her off, honestly. She has no respect for you or the other guy if she's willing to choose between the 2 of you and let you both be aware of it. Don't give her that choice. Just walk away, say nothing to her, don't show up. Do not give her the satisfaction of crushing you or showing you that you are below her.

We are both here for the same reason. The ex broke up with us and we are searching for answers. I was in your position and I didn't get all the advice I needed until it was too late. I see you are taking the same destructive path I chose. It doesn't end well padre, seriously consider I was there, a month ago trying to reason with her and see that I try to show her, blah blah blah. It does nothing.

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 12:48 AM

Dewd I know what you mean and how you feel because I feel exactly like how you feel this girl is the girl of my dreams cept that girl in my dreams loves me but if I could get her to than she would be that girl.

I was thinking of showing up and telling her it is time to pick me or him and if she picks him ima leave forever do you think that's a good idea? Its her last chance to be with me and I'm ready to move on even though ill still love her and want to be with her.

Dewd do you have msn maybe we can talk about it more there?

heartbroke · Mar 17, 2009, 12:58 AM

You cannot force someone to love you. It has to come naturally between 2 people. Again you are letting her pick, this is not a good idea. From my point of view it's a lose lose situation for you. So she picks the other guy? You walk home with your tail between your legs. So she picks you? You go home with her, on her leash. Could you be with someone who had already gotten together with someone else so quickly after 1 week. You have a LDR with this girl. Can you trust her now if your back together? Especially if now that she's done it once already to you? This guy is much closer than you are to her physically... what makes you say she'll only be with you and not him as well? I told my ex she's making a big mistake and that shell regret it. Women know what they are doing when they do something. She stuck to her decision... big mistake, and her loss. I do not have msn. Its 3 am where I live, I can't sleep because I'm not sleeping next to the woman of my dreams like I used to. She threw away the 2 years you guys had in 1 week. Is that someone with commitment? I am trying to help you, do not make the same mistakes I did.

talaniman · Mar 17, 2009, 06:35 AM

I was thinking of showing up and telling her it is time to pick me or him

Don't make me laugh, she has already made her choice and told you about it.

and if she picks him ima leave forever do you think that's a good idea?

Great idea, she she has already picked him, sorry.

its her last chance to be with me

Her actions speak louder than words and if you think your going to scare her into changing her mind... your very wrong, so don't humiliate yourself.

and I'm ready to move on even though ill still love her and want to be with her.

Then do so, without the drama, than will bring you misery and pain, and humiliation.

Is that really a good move or should I keep on to the no contact?I was

This is a lousy idea borne in desperation and shock. She has been looking around for a long time, but never told you about it, so she is fine at this time with moving on.

Its only been a week, your emotions are still high and your hurt feelings are still raw. Let the dust settle before you act on emotion and impulse, as you don't need closure, you just want one more act of desperation to get what you had. Its like that Hail Mary pass at the end of the game for the winning touchdown. While I saw it work once, it usually fails.

All the closure you need is in disappearing from her life, and regrouping, and rebuilding. That's a big job, so leave her alone, and get started.

Why do you need to be rejected twice, before you get it??

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 10:11 AM

I don't know everything just seems so hard everyone is telling me the same thing to stop contacting her and being her life and I know they are right its just I really don't know what to do anymore...

heartbroke · Mar 17, 2009, 12:24 PM

You are not her life anymore, its simple but you cannot see the picture because your mind is clouded by her and your thoughts of her. Dude you sound really young, you should really find a girl closer to you and have fun

kctiger · Mar 17, 2009, 12:25 PM

Have fun, without finding the girl! Why complicate your life any more?? I swear, being single is more fun than you can imagine, just hard to see that right now.

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 12:37 PM

Hehe I'm not that young I'm getting older I'm almost 20 its almost time to settle down with a girl now. Do you guys think I should just forget about her and move on? Try to find another girl that will love me? Or still fight for her if I believe it is true love?

Justwantfair · Mar 17, 2009, 12:38 PM

Almost 20 isn't time to settle down. Shoot you can't even drink yet or bar hop, wait until you are about 27-28 yo to settle down! YOU HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 02:05 PM

Lol I guess I wanted to find the love of my life really fast and than spend the rest of my life with her I planned to get married at 24 lol but I guess that's not going to happen. I've learned its good to go outside it's a beautiful day today it just cheers up your mood. But whenever I think of her it just ruins my day... maybe there's another reason I should learn to let go on this one

talaniman · Mar 17, 2009, 02:19 PM

maybe there's another reason I should learn to let go on this one

Learn to make adjustments when a plan doesn't come together
Learn to cope with your feelings, all of them
Learn some self control
Learn more about yourself
Be responsible for your own happiness
Be more aware of what goes on around you
When life knocks you down... get back up... or drown in your own shat!

That will get you started. The list is very long. Oh, 20 is pretty young to me.

ONLYHERETOHELP · Mar 17, 2009, 02:22 PM

What's the rush, brother? Come on man. Life shouldn't be that stressful. You need to loosen up and learn to let go. It's not nearly as easy as I'm making it out to be. But, trust me when I say, we've all been through this, and we'll all survive. Hang in there.

none12345 · Mar 17, 2009, 03:18 PM

Yup yup thanks for the advice guys. But how do you know when to let go or fight for it because people tell me when you really love someone you would fight for them to the very end? That's what's bothering me right now