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purplerain09 · Mar 11, 2009, 04:10 AM

I have been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now, everything is still going great and we are not bored of each other or anything.

My only issue is that, when I first met him over two years ago, all he ever talked about at first was sex, he was sex mad, and it caused us to break up constantly for the first 6 or so months. I basically sat him down and told him I felt I was being used for sex, and if it did not stop he would lose me.

I could see him trying to hard, and us started to work, we were having sex several times a week, he was not talking about it constantly and I felt loved as well as having sex.

Over the past several months or so, my boyfriends sex drive ha practically vanished, some weeks it's there, and we can have it 4 or 5 times, but often he claims he is happy cuddling and just being with me.

I had sex for the first time last night in over a week, and it just worries me now. I know I come across as never being happy, but I am worried he is getting it from someone else, or turned to porn, or something. I know he watches porn, but he claims it is NOT an addiction and is only like once or twice a week.

Is this normal for him to suddenly calm down and be happy with sex like 1 or 2 times a week? This has been since he has got himself in a serios career path and settled down off the alcohol, as he used to be out every weekend, but now he usually goes out once a month ot even less.

He gives me no signs to believe he is cheating on me, but I cannot help but be curious when he goes from being a typical sex god, to barely interested, especially when is is 23!

ROLCAM · Mar 11, 2009, 05:15 AM

" He has got himself in a serious career path and settled down off the alcohol".
You should be ecstatic with this.
In a proper setting , ask him whether he is ready to commit.
Are you ready to Commit?
You need to make plans for a future marriage
And the raising of children.

purplerain09 · Mar 11, 2009, 06:27 AM

Hey thank you for replying. I am not necessarily talking about marriage and children. He was never an alcoholic, just a typical lad out with mates getting drunk every weekend, which yes he has calmed down on, now in a serious job.

What I am really wanting to know about is his sex drive, and whether what I described is normal? Or whether there could be any chance he is cheating on me, hence not needing sex everyday from me?

Choux · Mar 12, 2009, 01:19 PM

You "come across as never being happy", girl?? Are you a complainer and whiner?

It sounds to me like you h ave a depression... that you expect someone else to make your happy in life. It doesn't work that way in the adult world. Everyone has to make their own life happy. :) Everyone has to work and grow in order to make happiness for themselves, not make misery.

YOu might want to talk to a therapist about this... it sounds to me like your partner is a good guy.

We can't stay teenagers forever...

Best wishes, :)

shyfoxie · Mar 12, 2009, 10:01 PM

Sorry honey, that's normal. He's only human, after all. Everyone needs to work on keeping things spiced up after a while, you two just need to work this out.

And it's entirely possible that he still feels a little bit cautious about getting too riled-up if he knew how worried you were before.

Do you actively pursue sex from him? Maybe he just is feeling more secure and the need is less immediate, since it isn't exactly as if he probably feels he's in danger of having to get some while he can, assuming this is a stable relationship. Just try to communicate that you want him and need him sexually still. In a polite, mature and sexy way of course.

LONE_DAD · Mar 12, 2009, 11:30 PM

First of all, you were new to him, it was a brand new, exciting experience that was always at the forefront of his mind. He is probably not "bored" with you, but he has become "comfortable" and "accustomed" to you. He now has many things that his mind reels around - life is full of stresses, after all. He tires more easily. That's not to say that he doesn't still find you sexually exciting; it just takes a little bit more to get his engine revving. Try kissing and rubbing on him - all the things he used to do to get you in the mood. Show HIM that you still find him appealing. You could also give him a "special" wake up on his day off.

margdav86 · Mar 13, 2009, 12:43 AM

I totally understand, my boyfriend used to be very much into having sex all the time as well, and the first few times he "just wanted to cuddle" when I wanted to have sex, I felt like it was the end of his passion for me.. but honestly, it has nothing to do with passion or love.. sometimes, guys are just really tired and hey... if they're tired, who's going to do the work? You?

Just relax, don't worry about it.. seriously. If there is nothing wrong with your relationship outside of this little "problem," then don't make it a big deal! Also keep in mind that the older you get, the less sex you're going to have.. some married couples who are "in love" are lucky to even have sex once every couple of weeks... it's okay! Take it as a good sign that he's in love with you for you and not the sex, and he appreciates the time you guys spend outside the bedroom. Also keep in mind that being sexual does not necessarily require you to have sex. Backrubs, scalp massages, and extensive kissing are also high sensual, and a good way to express passion and desire--without the sex. Get creative with it, have fun, and chillll!