[underwood]

I've been dating this woman for about 8 months now. We currently are in a long distant relationship. She's very bright, pretty and hard working. Everything that I would want in a woman. I could see her as the mother of my future children. She's very organized, goal oriented, and pro-active. Its very interesting relationship. What I lack she seems to have in droves. I see her about 4 times a month.

Everything is great but we tend to fight over stupid things when we are together. She's obsessed with cleanliness which is good thing, she has a type A personality and she works in a extremely competitive academic environment. I like discussing different topics with her because she's a fountain of information and her IQ is extremely high but there are problems. She is not as nurturing as my Ex-girlifriend. When we fight or argue I'm the type that tries to make up. She will hold a grudge until the next day. The sex is good at times but lately has been horrible. I think part of the problem is mental on my part. I'm attracted to her physically but I find her personality in the intimacy department cold and unbending. Nothing like my last girlfriend. I understand she has a lot more responsibilities in terms of work.. . but As a result I go limp sometimes when we are having sex. I'm just not into it. Even when I masturbate I can't even get myself fully erect thinking about her. It's weird she wants me to more dominant in the sex department but she's inflexible when it comes to certain things and its just frustrating. Even when I initiate sex it's the wrong time.

When we fight I find myself calling my Ex-girlfriend. I fantasize about the things I did with her and I find I get fully erect... No problem and I'm able to ejaculate right away. My Ex had a care free spirit and was very open to new and different things. She would walk around the apartment with teddys no panties. Often times she would initiate sex and I could make her orgasm multiple times. She was passionate about everything about sex. From her expressions on her face to how she kissed me... just very different than how it now. I could have sex anytime I wanted. My Ex was not only great in the sex department she had an extremely good heart. Very nurturing and kind... and often times when we fought she would be the peace maker. She didn't have a college degree but she is an avid reader. I broke up with her because I left the city that she was in and couldn't take the emotional toll.

After fighting with my current girlfriend and thinking that the relationship was over I got back with my Ex. After a week after the break up with my current girlfriend, I started talking to her again. So I'm talking to two women and I'm feeling extremely guilty letting both think that they are the only one in my life. What should I do?

[artlady]

You need to stop comparing the two of them like your comparing horses in a race.
You also need to learn that there is no perfect mate and you have to take the good with the bad.

So I'm talking to two women and I'm feeling extremely guilty letting both think that they are the only one in my life. What should I do?

Make a decision.Do the honorable thing and stop trying to create a dream woman.

[underwood]

You need to stop comparing the two of them like your comparing horses in a race.
You also need to learn that there is no perfect mate and you have to take the good with the bad.

Make a decision.Do the honorable thing and stop trying to create a dream woman.

If you don't compare the two... weigh the good aspects and bad... how do you make the right decision?

One choice stimulates my mind but the sex is horrible. The other choice has a good heart and the sex is great. There is no perfect mate but those are two very different choices. I wanted some input that's why I posed the question.

I want to do the honorable thing. I want to make GOOD CHOICE and not suffer remorse later.

[artlady]

One choice stimulates my mind but the sex is horrible.

Sex can always be improved upon.A great sexual relationship takes time.
What is your heart telling you?

[underwood]

Sex can always be improved upon.A great sexual relationship takes time.
What is your heart telling you?

I'm a pisces and my heart is torn. I tend to forgive people easily. Very emotional. My mind is telling me that woman A I could easily build my life around but I would have to endure years of frustration behind closed doors. I could easily lead a story book life, beautiful smart children, big house,. wife who has my back in terms of life choices, but I could easily see myself breaking up with her because we would be butting heads.

Woman B (my ex) I can get along easily with her. She would be extremely devoted to me. However, when it comes to life choices it will be up to me. Probably won't have a story book life but we would enjoy each others company. I could easily see myself getting frustrated not because we are butting heads but because I would feel she is not pulling her weight.

I love them both.

[bronzebabe]

I'll tell you simply...if you can't decide, you don't love Either enough to be with...it's time to figure out why you are wanting to be with either, (the ex is a fantasy, the new gal isn't "perfect")...
i always believe if you have to ASK, you don't love either enough...good luck

[simoneaugie]

I don't know about comparing being what you're doing. One has your heart and your little head. The other stimulates your big head and fuels the ego of having wealth and power, later.

My advise, and granted, not everyone agrees with me.

Follow your heart.
Listen to your erection. Penises are wiser than we give them credit for.
Tell both of them what's going on.
Let their reactions be a sign of what married life will be like with each.

The woman who allows you to be yourself, all the time is the one with whom to spend time working on yourself with. Be careful buying the "perfect" car if you can't comfortably fit your legs under the dashboard.

[MsEmily]

Ultimately, you need to be honest with yourself and the women you're interested in. What can be hard to understand is that you will never find anyone who will fulfill ALL of your needs and interests, nor will you be able to do that for someone else. You need to decide what is most important to you, and therefore who may be the best partner for you.

[Choux]

If I may speak frankly, this is an adult board, after all, you are a little immature.

I believe that you would do best to get professional help regarding your impotence and confusion as soon as possible. Don't let a problem go on too long as it may take deep root in your psyche.

Best wishes to you, :)

[artlady]

Penises are wiser than we give them credit for

You have got to be kidding me, right?

[roxypox]

You might feel that you need to compare to be sure, but it is a very bad approach. It is totally unfair towards your current GF and like artlady said, it really does sound like you are comparing horses in a race.

a friend of mine told me some interesting stuff from an article on dating a couple of years back; if you compare the new person with the old, then you have not gotten over the old and you are being unfair towards the new.

Also, how old are you? If neither really suits you... well are you really in a hurry?

and like some of the others have said, you need to listen to your heart and from the OP it seems as if it leans towards your x.

As for finding the perfect mate; dude, there is no such thing, everyone has flaws.

[ZoeMarie]

If you don't compare the two ....weigh the good aspects and bad ...how do you make the right decision?

One choice stimulates my mind but the sex is horrible. The other choice has a good heart and the sex is great. There is no perfect mate but those are two very different choices. I wanted some input that's why I posed the question.

I want to do the honorable thing. I want to make GOOD CHOICE and not suffer remorse later.

Are you serious? I would think you made the decision when you and your ex broke up. And I think that decision was that it wasn't going to work out. Focus on that. And really, do your girlfriend a favor and let her go so she can find someone that's not going to go crying to his ex when things get bad. I'm really sorry to be so harsh.

[simoneaugie]

You have got to be kidding me, right?

Yes, penises are "wise." The body knows what the big head and heart are really thinking feeling and up to. Of course, some of us just get stomachaches! LOL.

[roxypox]

Zoemarie, love your post! You have some great points that I couldn't agree with more.

personally I feel the whole comparison deal is unfair towards the new girlfriend and it says tons about the OP.

and it really is... I don't know how to say this in a reasonable way, but if I was dating a guy and we got into a fight and he ends up calling his x to seek comfort or whatever... and he ends up getting back together with her while he's still with me... that's just a HUGE slap in the face!!!

you really do need to do the honorable thing and let the current one go no matter where you stand with your x...

maybe what you really need is to be alone/single for a while and take some time to get over the x. I don't know how old you are, but are you really in a hurry?

[artlady]

Yes, penises are "wise." The body knows what the big head and heart are really thinking feeling and up to. Of course, some of us just get stomachaches! LOL.

Most of the men I have known who think with their *little head* end up alone and running from one port in the storm to another,looking for shelter,only to find they have used them all up in the end.The ending is very sad. Where is the boo hoo button :rolleyes::D

[shyfoxie]

Consider the following:

Which woman would you be able to/like to spend the most time with (both in and out of bed)?
Why did you and your ex break up?
Why are you in a relationship with your newer girlfriend if she's so difficult to be around?
Who do you have the most in common with?
Who has similar goals/dreams?