Ok here goes.again

neverme · Mar 10, 2009, 06:21 PM

I rang my ex tonight, and I broke down she came to meet me but left to go back to her new girlfriend.

As I asked her, how do I get to the less caring stage. Or the no caring that would be great.

I know she still loves me. But er are bad together. I really want to stick to NC please tell me what I should tell myself when I want to call her or she wants to call?

Need some help, I'm really breaking down here! :eek:

mintah50 · Mar 10, 2009, 07:09 PM

Don't let yourself be a rebound you can help her even though it might be hard for you even though if you still have feelings for her but don't let your feelings get hurt if you can't handle it. You don't deserve that! It up to you on the call situation but if your really trying to cut the cord don't call her move on.

chuff · Mar 10, 2009, 07:13 PM

When you feel you have to call, tell yourself you'll call in an hour. When the hours up put it off for another hour. Eventually you will forget and put it off forever.

liz28 · Mar 10, 2009, 07:29 PM

Or when you feel like calling dial a friend instead or change your thought to something else because you can't have no more break downs. When you think of her remember why the two of you broke up instead of hanging on to the good memories.

Do what I do when I am getting over someone play some music. Not the sad stuff either.

neverme · Mar 11, 2009, 03:16 AM

Have to spread some rep but thanks chuff!

Romefalls19 · Mar 11, 2009, 05:21 AM

Put her number under a name you know you would never call, when you see it you won't want to call

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 05:27 AM

I am telling you, put her name down as Rosie O'Donnell. Would you ever call her? NO! This should do the trick.

neverme · Mar 11, 2009, 05:27 AM

I erased it all together but I can't forget it!

neverme · Mar 11, 2009, 05:28 AM

Kc, LMAO!!

kctiger · Mar 11, 2009, 05:29 AM

Erasing it is a HUGE mental step. Of course, you can't erase your memory. It all comes down to self control now. Do you want to keep cutting yourself? That is pretty much what you do when you call her. Make a connection between calling her and self mutilating yourself...

neverme · Mar 11, 2009, 05:31 AM

I know I feel like such sh!t today, and I was doing really well yesterday before I went to a gig and had a few drinks bla bla bla...

I feel like such a fool, her and the new girlfriend are probably having a great laugh at this.

UnluckyDucky · Mar 11, 2009, 06:42 AM

Originally Posted by neverme

I know I feel like such sh!t today, and I was doing really well yesterday before I went to a gig and had a few drinks bla bla bla...

I feel like such a fool, her and the new gf are probably having a great laugh at this.

All great journeys take time and once in awhile we get distracted and take little detours before we get back on to the path to where we want to go. You've given some great advice on this board neverme and while I know that you need some encouragement right now and know that you must be going through a rough patch of emotions, you got to snap out of this funk.

You're not a fool, you're just human. Forgive yourself for having a moment of weakness and keep on keepin' on.

By the way, even I've erased my ex's number and though I'll never forget it, every time I scroll through my contact list SHE is not there anymore - it does wonders for you... :)

chuff · Mar 11, 2009, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by neverme

I know I feel like such sh!t today, and I was doing really well yesterday before I went to a gig and had a few drinks bla bla bla...

I feel like such a fool, her and the new gf are probably having a great laugh at this.

Let's just assume they are for minute. What does that tell you about them? They get the kicks by laughing at someone that is in pain. What a couple of losers. Honestly, who could respect someone like that? Do they laugh at people in wheel chairs, the mentally ill, and children with diseases too? Honestly, what a couple of pathetic nobodies to laugh at someone else's pain when the only thing they are guilty of is giving a damn.

In fact, I'm not suggesting you talk to them, but if they ever approached you and laughed to you face, I'd tell them exactly that. "You know, I used to care about you, and because I choose to have feelings for someone that couldn't feel the same way, you choose to laugh at me. Suddenly I feel better about myself, because I'm at a deeper level emotional caring then you are, which means I'm at least in touch with my emotions." Scrath that, don't ever say anything to them, but start telling yourself this or something like it. You took a chance on someone and that someone let you down, you didn't let them down. Take pride in yourself, that you gave of yourself and learned a lesson, but she is not able to give or learn or grow from her mistakes.

I'll throw this out there as a last comment, maybe they are laughing, but we aren't. You have a whole group of people here who are standing by you. We've never met you, but we damn well care about you, and you getting through this. That's a pretty big accomplishment and speaks volumes about how much we believe in you. I say that because, if you are feeling down, instead of giving them power of what they are not capable of believing in, start giving power to what we all here know you can become.

neverme · Mar 11, 2009, 07:10 AM

Thank you everyone fro all your incredibly touching posts.

They have really made me feel a world better.

I have really been trying, and I'm going to get back up, dust myself off and do it again.

But I have a little problem:

I have to go to a christening this weekend that my ex, but not her new girlfriend, will be at. I can't ignore her, it's a small group and it would make everyone else (who are good friends, the best) uncomfortable, how should I handle this?

UnluckyDucky · Mar 11, 2009, 07:30 AM

Originally Posted by neverme

Thank you everyone fro all your incredibly touching posts.

They have really made me feel a world better.

I have really been trying, and I'm going to get back up, dust myself off and do it again.

But I have a little problem:

I have to go to a christening this weekend that my ex, but not her new gf, will be at. I can't ignore her, it's a small group and it would make everyone else (who are good friends, the best) uncomfortable, how should I handle this?

You need to protect yourself first and foremost. If you feel that explaining the truth about the situation would not be taken kindly, would it be acceptable to possibly fake being sick or pretend to have some other thing come up to avoid this situation?

neverme · Mar 12, 2009, 04:37 AM

No, this is an absolute must do unfortunately! It'll be OK, I've done harder than this situation before, one way or another I'll get through it.

talaniman · Mar 12, 2009, 05:01 AM

Avoid talking to her, and be polite but unnavailable for any conversation, if you do. Let her deal with hi, and bye.