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Luv_My_Reece · Aug 25, 2006, 07:02 PM

:confused: I just found out I'm pregnant by my ex. He was physically and emotionally abusive. He told me the last time we spoke that if I ever became pregnant by him he would do "anything necessary to get rid of it". I decided not to tell him but I just thought of a very big problem, I go back to school in a week and he's going to be there, so how can I keep him from finding out or if he does should I lie and say it's not his or what should I do? I'm scared and worried and upset and I just need to know what I should do. Someone please help me. I just want to get through my last year of high school alive and move on with my life. I just want my baby to be safe and as long as my ex is around that's not a possibility. What should I do?? I'll take any advise other than have an abortion/adoption. I'm keeping my baby.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 25, 2006, 07:17 PM

Wait a minute... wasn't this already discussed in your thread here:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...ion-30573.html

Luv_My_Reece · Aug 25, 2006, 07:24 PM

Most of it was but I never thought about seeing him around my school and I don't know what's going to happen when he sees me at school obviously pregnant. I thought he would be attending a different school but now he isn't so I will see him there sometime and I'm just afraid of what he'll say or do when he sees me so I was asking if I should lie and say it's someone else's baby.

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 25, 2006, 08:42 PM

First. Contact the police and file a complaint : terrorist threat, harassment of minor yet unborn, and just plain harassment... then move yourself from his view... do you love living on the wild side of sh**... You are important and so is your child... take the time to move to another state or another school... he may want to know about the child later in the child's life... give him time to mature and get mental support... but first get your parents involved... they have a baby in distress... oh by the way are you in college or high school? It is important... an order of protection for two years is important to get... go to your parents... if you have to move to a women shelter then do so for now... this man needs to be off the streets... do not take his hate message for granted... by thinking that it is a child game... you carry a life... let this message not be a game on your part...

aqua@home · Aug 25, 2006, 09:06 PM

I think that if he is really a threat, then do what needs to be done. Talk to your parents, the police, anyone who can listen and help. It doesn't seem like you have any other options. I don't think lying is the right thing to do. It would be better if he had time to mature and grow, but that is not your reality. Get other people involved!

Luv_My_Reece · Aug 26, 2006, 08:05 AM

This is my last year of high school, I'm going to college as soon as it's over and I may be able to do early graduation at my school. My parents and I have been talking to our lawyer about a restraining order but that would require him knowing where I live and places that I go a lot so he knows where he can not go and I would have to change schools since there's a possibility they won't make him leave our school and class starts in a week. We moved to a new home a week ago and he has no idea where but if I get a restraining order he will know and he'll find out about the baby. Should I just not go to school the first few weeks until I can get a waiver to a new school and forget the restraining order?

J_9 · Aug 26, 2006, 08:13 AM

I would get the restraining order. That way if he ever does try to come in cotact with you he will be arrested on the spot.

No harm can be done to you with the order in place. But without the order he is free to do what he wants.

Luv_My_Reece · Aug 26, 2006, 08:20 AM

But that might require me to let him see the baby and what do I do when he does try to hurt one of us, throw the paper at him? I don't want him to even know about the baby but I can't find any way around it other than just not going to school until I can get a waiver.

valinors_sorrow · Aug 26, 2006, 08:32 AM

Originally Posted by Luv_My_Reece

Hi I'm 17 and I dated this guy for 2 years and now I think I'm pregnant by him. We haven't spoken in 3 months and I have a restraining order against him because he used to beat me and the last time we spoke he said if I was pregnant than he would hurt the baby and now I'm afraid to tell him and I wanted to know what some other people my age thought about it. He made it clear before I thought I was pregnant that if I ever was he wanted nothing to do with either one of us. Should I tell him or just go it alone??? I do have a new boyfriend who has an 11 month old and supports me and loves me either way. What do you guys think I should do?:confused:

Huh? That's some magic trick to have and not have a restraining order all at the same time AND be pregnant by someone you haven't spoken to in three months. Its not nice to play us like that Luv.

J_9 · Aug 26, 2006, 08:35 AM

I see what you mean Val. She already has a restraining order or she doesn't?

We would love to help you but your stories seem to be inconsistent.

Luv_My_Reece · Aug 28, 2006, 10:57 AM

I have a restraining order for myself but it's not good for the baby, they told me unless I get one that covers both me and the baby that I can't stop him from going anywhere that I am that has to do with the baby. He would be allowed to go to all the doctor's appointments and I would have to allow him to be around me until the baby is born and he would be able to be with the baby unsupervised after he is born. He doesn't know that we have moved. Unless I get a new restraining order that is good for me and our baby they can't make him stay away. If I get one for the baby I'll have to change schools and he'll know where my new house is. Sorry if I'm leaving out details I'm just so confused and now my parents are starting to get angry with me bacause of all the trouble I've caused with me ex already and it just keeps getting worse. I never took a test (at the doctor) until I was 4 months pregnant because my hpt's kept coming up negative but my period wasn't showing up so I'm not trying to "play" you guys.

momincali · Aug 28, 2006, 11:36 AM

If this is all true, and you really are scared for your life and your unborn baby's life, then do whatever it takes! Move, go to another school, don't tell the whole world you're pregnant, not even your best friends (but I have a feeling you already have), go stay with geographically distant relatives and finish school over there. I would do whatever I had to do (as long as it's legal) to secure our safety. Definitely, get a restraining order first and foremost, then move away. Your parents really need to step up to the plate right now. Your dad needs to turn into a pitbull and your mom into a bear to protect their daughter. You need to stay out of places and situations that will get you in trouble.

I sure hope you are being forthcoming with all of us!

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 28, 2006, 01:43 PM

The protection order, order of protection, restraining order states... you and if you are pregnant it means the baby too!. deserve to be protected from an abusive person... you have proven to the courts that he is unstable... right now your sounding unstable... there is more to this story then you are writing... again, the courts are sending you through this unnecessary drama.. if this is the case someone needs to be replaced in your court system... unbelievable... It is none of the boys business where you are at... prove him unfit keep a audio and visual records of his conduct with you... right now your stories are inconsistent... where is the H-e-double tooth -picks are your parents... for now on let them handle your business... :(

YeloDasy · Sep 1, 2006, 02:18 PM

It is not necessary to tell him where you live just to get a restraining order... There is a way around him getting your place of residence!

I know you are really upset and in a crisis situation, but you don't even know what he is going to think or do when he finds out... he may just want nothing to do with you... or the baby... but lying won't make things better, he will find out somehow.

I agree to get other people involved... if you have to tell him with all parents there as well as the police, then you do so! People in the community will help you, just ask for it.

You don't want to be living in fear forever, take the right steps. If you don't take the right and appropriate steps, then when you really need help and it looks as though you have been lying or slacking, then the community and courts won't help. So stand up for yourself and your rights!!

french-girl · Sep 6, 2006, 08:32 PM

Well the first thing is.. tell someone about what he said to you,and if need be change schools,and if he still happens to find out about the baby,tell him it's not his,because if he's serious about hurting you or the baby,than lieng right now is the best thing to do