Check out some similar questions!

wannabbeautiful · Mar 5, 2009, 05:59 PM

Hi, I need some advice form you to get away form feeling down, but please don't judge me. My story is too long and my english is not too good. Sorry for that. Here is my story. Now, I am in my 22. I am a fatherless child since I was born. I don't know anything about my father or my father's relative. I have never heard about them or seen them. My mum is not in good term with the relative. So, I don't know any of my relative form my maternal side either. In my whole life, the only persons I knew as my family are my maternal grandpa and grandma, my mother and my sister. In my childhood, my maternal grandfather was the only one whom I can trust, but he passed away when I was 6 years old, just in my arm with diabetes. My sister and my grandma weren't good on my at all since I was born, till now. My mum was never home because she job is many hundreds miles away from home. My grandma and my elder sister were always abusing and ignoring me. My mum is the only person whom I can trust since my grandpa passed away, but it wasn't long, my mum married with another man and got a son when I was 11 years old. Since then she became the most cruel person in my life. She changed everything she used to be. She never talked to me, she always blamed me, accused me whenever there is a problem. She doesn't allow me talk or closed to her. I don't know what I did wrong to chage her from what she used to be with me, but I know that I am no longer in her heart since she got a son with this man. I was suffering the ignorent for my whole life. I was letting down by my family. Since 12 years old, I don't talk to anybody until 18 years old. I was like a fool. In my 19, I run away with a ugly guy, not because of I love him, but because of I don't want to stand my mum anymore. But, it after two days I had been with him, we were apart by my mum. At that day, my mum apologized me for what she had done on me during those 8 years. I asked her why she treated me so bad though I was a very good child once. I was very clever students in all the class I had been. I was a beautiful kid. I didn't do anything wrong to anybody. And I told her to let me go away from them. So, she arranged me to go and live in oversea. Now, I have been alone in foreign country for three years. I got a boyfriend since after six months in oversea. He's the best person in my whole life, but I am not good enough on him. I just think like I need him because he is so good on me and I am lonely. I don't think like I love him deeply. I always feel angry alone and hurt him. I always imagine a sad story which is not reality and accused him for that. I am very sensitive. I want him to marry me and bring me out of the shade of my mum. I hate my life. I cannot stop myself from feeling down for my past. Actually, past is past. It's all over. Now, my mum, sis and grandma realize that they had been treating very bad and let me down. They already apologized me and we are on good term now. But I still can't get out from feeling down. What shall I do? I still don't like crowd or meeting people. I still feeling scared and doubt on everyone, even on my boyfriend. M I mentally ill? What can I do to forget those bad things?

darkvision · Mar 5, 2009, 06:21 PM

It sounds like you have lead a very hard life, one thing you do need to do is to talk to your boyfriend about this. Let him know what has happened in your past, let your defenses down for him and let him really know what is going on.

I also think you should go see a therapist, or a doctor at the least about this. You may be clinically depressed and the right medication can make it a lot easier to come to terms with.

With both of these having someone to talk to is very helpful, it will make you feel better to get it off your chest, though it will more than likely not be easy, and would be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.

jennifer1010 · Mar 5, 2009, 06:23 PM

No, you are not mentally ill. It is normal to feel that way when you have been neglected for a long time in your life. Maybe you are a little depressed because of your past. What you need to do is talk to your boyfriend about it. If he cares for you, he will listen and he will try to help you. The past is the past and you have to remember that. Forgive and forget.

wannabbeautiful · Mar 5, 2009, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by darkvision

It sounds like you have lead a very hard life, one thing you do need to do is to talk to your boyfriend about this. Let him know what has happened in your past, let your defenses down for him and let him really know what is going on.

I also think you should go see a therapist, or a doctor at the least about this. you may be clinically depressed and the right medication can make it a lot easier to come to terms with.

with both of these having someone to talk to is very helpful, it will make you feel better to get it off your chest, though it will more than likely not be easy, and would be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining.

Hi darkvision, Thank you for your answer. I did went to the psychiatrist once when I was 17 years old because I didn't talk even a single word to anyone for 7 years and I don't have mind to talk either because I think every word I am saying from my mouth is just making the people hate me. But he said just to control my anger and accept the reality, to forgive mun and forget the past. But it didn't help. And I attempted suicide for three times in my life. I talked to my boyfriend all about my past, but I found difficult to tell him about running away with a guy before I meet him, and I still hidding it. I want to tell him that but I am so scared that he leaves me for that because he is the only one I have in my life. I don't want him hate me for this mistake. It was just an innocent mistake. What shall I do? :(

wannabbeautiful · Mar 5, 2009, 07:03 PM

Originally Posted by jennifer1010

No, you are not mentally ill. It is normal to feel that way when you have been neglected for a long time in your life. Maybe you are a little depressed because of your past. What you need to do is talk to your boyfriend about it. If he cares for you, he will listen and he will try to help you. The past is the past and you have to remember that. Forgive and forget.

Yes Jennifer, I did forgive to everybody who did let me down my whole life, but I don't know how to forget. And I don't know how to tell my boyfriend about the guy that I ran away once. :(

Justwantfair · Mar 5, 2009, 09:46 PM

I am sorry to hear about how you feel.

I think I was hoping that you understood that I wanted to help earlier.

I agree that counseling is a beneficial option.

Good luck to you and God bless.

simoneaugie · Mar 5, 2009, 10:25 PM

It is good to forgive and remember. Remember how strong this has made you, how beautiful you are, how you can spot your pain in others and help them. Crowds and meeting new people may never be easy, but make yourself experience the scary stuff. Maybe a little at a time.

No, you aren't crazy! I am not just trying to make you feel better, I've been where you are. Some days, I'm still pretty weird, but I keep trying. The guy you left with? Write about him or to him... Then burn the letter. It's over.

darkvision · Mar 6, 2009, 12:13 AM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

It is good to forgive and remember. Remember how strong this has made you, how beautiful you are, how you can spot your pain in others and help them. Crowds and meeting new people may never be easy, but make yourself experience the scary stuff. Maybe a little at a time.

No, you aren't crazy! I am not just trying to make you feel better, I've been where you are. Some days, I'm still pretty weird, but I keep trying. The guy you left with? Write about him or to him...Then burn the letter. It's over.

To more clearly explain the last part, Writing your thoughts out can be very beneficial as it allows you to organize them. The burning of it is so that you don't have to worry about others knowing your innermost thoughts. But it is also a way of getting it off your chest.

One thing that can help with depression is to smile especially when you don't feel like it. We are very social creatures so other peoples mood will effect how you feel, just as yours will them. So find positive people who are constantly smiling, you will be faking the smile at first and that is fine! But you would be surprised at how quickly you can turn your depression and thoughts of suicide around. I still think that you have lead a very hard life and should seek some additional professional help wherever and however you can.

Also you need to realize one thing, your mood and how you feel is NOT your fault, it is the fault of how others have treated you. ANYONE would be depressed after going through what you have. So realize it is not "your" fault, but the fault of those that put you through it, because your reaction is completely natural. So try hard to cheer up, not for someone else but for yourself

wannabbeautiful · Mar 7, 2009, 08:21 PM

[QUOTE=Justwantfair;1587374]I am sorry to hear about how you feel.

I think I was hoping that you understood that I wanted to help earlier.

I agree that counseling is a beneficial option.

Good luck to you and God bless.[/QUOTE

No. I didn't mind you at all. It's OK. :o

wannabbeautiful · Mar 7, 2009, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by darkvision

To more clearly explain the last part, Writing your thoughts out can be very beneficial as it allows you to organize them. the burning of it is so that you dont have to worry about others knowing your innermost thoughts. but it is also a way of getting it off your chest.

One thing that can help with depression is to smile especially when you dont feel like it. We are very social creatures so other peoples mood will effect how you feel, just as yours will them. So find positive people who are constantly smiling, you will be faking the smile at first and that is fine! but you would be surprised at how quickly you can turn your depression and thoughts of suicide around. I still think that you have lead a very hard life and should seek some additional professional help wherever and however you can.

also you need to realize one thing, your mood and how you feel is NOT your fault, it is the fault of how others have treated you. ANYONE would be depressed after going through what you have. So realize it is not "your" fault, but the fault of those that put you through it, because your reaction is completely natural. So try hard to cheer up, not for someone else but for yourself

Yes. I am going to write a letter and burn it now. Ohh.. how weak I am? My tears are falling down when I read you guys answers to my post. Everything I wrote in this post are all my real life and how I am feeling. I am so happy and thank you guys for answers. It makes me feel a lot better because of the thought that you guys share my sorrow and feel sorry for me. Thanks a lot guys. NOw I c that there are still good people in this cruel world.:)

darkvision · Mar 7, 2009, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by wannabbeautiful

Yes. I am going to write a letter and burn it now. Ohh.. how weak I am? my tears are falling down when I read you guys answers to my post. Everything I wrote in this post are all my real life and how I am feeling. I am so happy and thank you guys for answers. It makes me feel a lot better because of the thought that you guys share my sorrow and feel sorry for me. Thanks a lot guys. NOw I c that there are still good people in this cruel world.:)

I am very happy to hear this. :) There is a saying "when it rains it pours" which means that when bad things happen, they seem to happen one after another. It seems like its been raining on you for a while. But the sun DOES come out, and it seems that you are starting to see that. I hope you are. I think that everyone posting here will agree with me when I say that we want to see you happy. So please keep us posted :)

starlite1 · Mar 9, 2009, 06:15 AM

Hi Wannabebeautiful,

We are all here for you, and the advice that everyone has offered you so far is excellent. I too think you should seek therapy from a professional so you can also realize that none of the past was your fault at all. Now you have all of is in your life and a caring boyfriend. It will be a slow journey for you to heal, but you will as long as you get the love and support you need. Again, we are all here for you, so please keep us posted.

wannabbeautiful · Mar 9, 2009, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by starlite1

Hi Wannabebeautiful,

We are all here for you, and the advice that everyone has offered you so far is excellent. I too think you should seek therapy from a professional so you can also realize that none of the past was your fault at all. Now you have all of is in your life and a caring boyfriend. It will be a slow journey for you to heal, but you will as long as you get the love and support you need. Again, we are all here for you, so please keep us posted.

Thank you starlite1 and I will keep posting whenever I need some advice from you. I have to try to be happy. I am both emotionally and physically draining for my past. I lost too much weight because I don't eat regularly. My eyes are deep because I can't sleep with nightmares. My skin is looking bad because of my depression. I look like I am very sick. I have to try to get out bad things from my chest. :o

starlite1 · Mar 10, 2009, 05:34 AM

Hi Wannabe,

I know how you feel, actually we all do here. You need to eat and get your strength up and try and get plenty of rest. That too will help you feel better. I know that the past haunts us, but we have to try and let it go; just know that the future awaits and by letting go of the past, we can have a fresh start.