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lostandesperate · Mar 4, 2009, 11:01 PM

I am 33 years old and have recently become recentful towards my wife and her sexual past and do not know how to get past it. Is this common or am I just strange for feeling grossed out with her when I think about her past?

tickle · Mar 5, 2009, 04:00 AM

With age comes maturity. I don't mean you weren't mature before, but we all change in some way, in ways we accept issues. Maybe before you were blinded by love and now you see the light. Maybe that isn't a good thing and I am not going to say 'try and get passed it'. That doesn't work all the time and in trying to do so only creates more stress for both parties.

I have a past too, and not necessarily llily white by some standards. So she had a sexual past before you, we all do in one way or another.

Talk it out with her, sit down and hash it all out, tell her how you feel, you may surprised that she has some issues with you too.

Ms tickle

Synnen · Mar 5, 2009, 06:47 AM

You don't need to talk it over with your wife. You are holding her past against her, and that's going to cause a major fight if you bring it up with her.

You need to see a counselor and learn that the world doesn't revolve around you--so of COURSE your wife had a life before you! Get over it!

smoothy · Mar 5, 2009, 07:56 AM

Get counseling... the past is the past. You are the one with the problem. Its wrong to hold someone's past against them unless they are proud of it and they continue doing now what they did then. But in this case You married her. Its time you dropped it, and if you need counseling to be able to do that then so be it.

BiWiccanAndProud · Mar 5, 2009, 08:02 AM

Though already said I'll say to add to the growing mass. You need counceling! If you bring it up with her there is going to be a huge fight! She had a life before you get over it. If she isn't having sex with someone else then you need to be happy. Not many people have a dedicated spouse.

JoeCanada76 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:26 AM

Counceling is important.

You need to learn that the past does not mean anything and you need to appreciate the women she is now with you...

tickle · Mar 5, 2009, 08:34 AM

Sorry guys I am 'died in the wool against counselling'. I believe that anyone can sort out their own problems between the two of them in a way that doesn't constitute arguing or bad feelings.

Ms tickle

smoothy · Mar 5, 2009, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by tickle

Sorry guys I am 'died in the wool against counselling'. I believe that anyone can sort out their own problems between the two of them in a way that doesnt constitute arguing or bad feelings.

ms tickle

So... she is going to change the reality of her past to suit HIS wants exactly how? She is doing nothing wrong. Yet he can't deal with something nobody can change.

tickle · Mar 5, 2009, 09:47 AM

Hi smoothy, where does it say I think she will change the reality of her past. Not so. I didn't say she is doing anything wrong, but how he feels has to be brought out in the open NOW, not in a convoluted way the counsellors do. I know from experience, and this is just my opinion and only that.

We don't know all the circumstances of the situation and I won't assume to know.

It is his prerogative, and her's too.

Ms tickle

smoothy · Mar 5, 2009, 10:19 AM

Well, there really isn't any middle ground on this as he suddenly has an issue with something that can't be changed... by anyone. The past.

I really don't think that the circumstances really matter in this case. Mostly because he was OK with it before, and in fact married her.

There is nothing at all she can do... the past is set... she can't change anything. I don't know what it was but when you slip on the ring... you buy the past of your spouse, good or bad. What happens in the present and future is another thing.

But its his attitude that has to change... because its not something that happened last week or even last year. What happened in her life before she met and married him is not his to dwell over, complain about or trough up at her.

Sure its everyone's prerogative... but he does recognise a problem and has expressed a willingness to learn how to deal with it. Which means he does wish to get past this.