[fullofsmiles90]

My husband is very mentally abusive. I can't take it anymore.
I need a way out. But if I try to leave he'll take my kids away.
I have two small ones. I want to leave him so he won't know
Where I am with my children. If I just divorce him, he will
Get my kids on the weekends and abuse them and try to make
Them hate me. He'll always be around. What do I do?

[artlady]

The national domestic violence hotline will help you 24 hours a day ,everyday.They provide crisis intervention,information and referrals.It is a very reputable site.

Their website with further information is

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-SAFE

[asking]

Legally, you can't run away from him. You know all those milk carton ads showing "kidnapped" kids? Some of those are women like you who took the kids and ran. I can't say I blame them, but it means hiding all the time, even from your own family.

I didn't want my ex husband to have my kids when they were little for exactly the reasons you are giving, but I think it's still better to leave the right way if you are not in immediate physical danger.

First of all, even though the kids are with him part of the time, when they are with you, they should be able to get a complete break from him and have all the luxuries of a mother who isn't being emotionally abused. It really helps them to have a peaceful and structured haven.

Second, if you play your cards right, he will rapidly discover the caring for the kids is a lot of work and will give them back to you. (That happened to me. The trick was not to appear to want them too much and to grit my teeth and let him actually have them for a week at a time. He totally neglected them, didn't get them to school on time, forgot to buy groceries, didn't make them do their homework, showed them X rated movies... But he finally caved and gave them back because he couldn't figure out how to be a parent and also work.)

Third, he can't actually take them away from you and he is blowing hot air when he says that. My ex said I'd live in the street, he'd take the house (which I paid for) and take our kids. NONE of that happened.

Fourth, read the following book, and it will help you know you are doing the right thing and also help you to recover from what you have been through and supply the kind of environment your children will need to recover:

Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse, by Lundy Bancroft. It addresses the verbal and emotional abuse addressed to the kids too.

It's very important to keep your family (you and your children) all together emotionally, not to let your ex pit you against the kids or the kids against each other.

And, yes, check with a women's shelter for advice. You will need an escape plan before you leave so that you and the kids are not in danger and so you don't end up without things you need and have to go back. Leaving is hard, but you are doing the right thing.

My life is so much better without my abusive ex.

Do you think your husband is capable of violence? If you have any concerns that way, pay attention to your feelings and be careful.

[Fr_Chuck]

First he has you scared and abused, you need help to know you can fight back.

You can leave him, take the kids and get custody. Ok, he may get visits, that can not be stopped, but now he is there fulll time with them, is that "better"

So you take the kids, file for divorce, make him pay a large amount of child support and maybe alimony and you start telling him what he can and can't do

[asking]

Actually, I forgot to say that if you have a paper trail demonstrating that he is neglectful and abusive to the children it's possible that he would not be given even partial physical custody.

Make an effort to write down every abusive things he does each day. Some of it will not be verbal. For example, he may put you in a position where you have to choose between the children's well being and your own or the kids and a friend or family member. Write it all down and talk to a lawyer about your options.

We are rooting for you!

[lucytwo2]

Also,if there is a paper trail of abuse then his visitation will be supervised at a location other then where he lives and there should be no overnight stays.