[Triplell]

Hi,

This is my first time posting on this site. I have read some of the responses, and I feel this site is full of very caring people. I'm just scared I'm going to get a little obsessed and check back too often.

First, my girlfriend and I have been dating almost 7 months. Doesn't seem like a long time, but it was a rather long distance relationship, and if we could make it past the first couple months, then it was smooth sailing.

Recently, we have been arguing a lot. We are both stubborn people and because of this, we tend to feel the same way about a lot of things.

The stress from these fights became too much for me, and one night when I was a little intoxicated, she got angry with me once again (I had an upset stomach and let out some gas while we were about to go to sleep).

I felt it was ridiculous. Obviously it wasn't the gentlemen thing to do, but it was just gas and it was rather small. She was chewing me out pretty hardcore about the whole situation, and finally I snapped. I told her that I couldn't deal with her mood swings, and that I think we needed to take a break.

She bawled, telling me she loves me and that we were sorry, and I said I was sorry for suggesting it.

Well the weekend became awkward, I had to leave and we didn't speak much for the rest of it. I'm going to skip ahead and make a long story short(er).

She decided that I was right and we needed a break. I let her know what if that is how she felt, and if she thinks it would help then I would agree with it. She did. We ended the conversation, and I was hurt deeply. My girlfriend cares about me a lot, however she is a pretty big flirt. She has slept with as many guys as she is years old. I changed all of that, mostly because that is what she wanted.

I really do care about her a lot, but this whole relationship I have wondered if I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her. I have mixed feelings. I will be very depressed at times and want nothing more than to talk to her. Other times, I think that it was going to happen sooner or later.

After typing this, I really do think that we aren't in love and that I need to move on. She wants to talk more about it on Friday, and I think I will probably be open for breaking up. This will more than likely cause her to reconcile her decision, and try and get back together. I don't want to, but I am a sucker for her tears.

What should I do?

[UnluckyDucky]

Welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I've been through those feelings you're going through before so I definitely know what it is like. When you're with someone for that long you start to become emotionally attached to them and when things end you definitely feel a sense of loss.

What should you do? It depends on where you want this to go and how much effort you're willing to put in.

If you find that she wants to work on the relationship and if you feel the same way, both of you will have to be prepared to contribute equally to work through your differences and get things back on track. As relationships mature, the feeling of "love" can and will change - but with a bit of work there are things you can do to keep the romance that fuels that love alive.

It looks like you've definitely been pondering about this for some time now, do you feel that this relationship is worth working at? How old are you two by the way?

[chuff]

Trip, I have been in this situation more then once. I wanted out of the relationshp but I didn't want to deal with break up or hurt feelings that came with it. I think this is exactly where you are at. You know this girl is not the girl for you, and you don't want to commit to her, but you don't want to commit to the break up either. The reality is I think you are half way there. You know this isn't where you want to be, so when Fridady comes, tell her you are happy for the decision and wish her the best. As for the tears, I used to be a sucker for those as well, but at the same time you have to realize women can control those emotions more then you and I can. They can turn on the tears at a moment's notice, so if she starts crying tell her that she can call you back when she's done because your time is too valuable to deal with someone who is going to try that with you when there is no reason. That will stop her right in her tracks because you've never put your foot down with her.

[Romefalls19]

Chuff hits the nail on the head yet again. Sometimes you have to just end things, for your own benefit, I applaud you effort to worry about her feelings but you need to do this for yourself.

[NItEMArE129]

Well, breaks usually tend to lead to break-ups. There are exceptions, but that's the general rule.

And from what you've told us, it doesn't sound like she's going to be stuck thinking about you over this break. She's going to be flirting with other guys, and it's possible that something may happen. So be prepared for the worst, and don't dwell on it if it doesn't work out. There's not much you can do to save a failing relationship.

[Triplell]

Have an update for you all...

So, I decided that this break had to mean something other than just the fights. How often does that happen. I figured something wasn't right.

I call her up 2 nights ago to tell her that I don't think that a break is going to solve our problems, and maybe we should just break up. She's asked me if that is what I really wanted, and I said yeah, I think it's for the best. Then she starts bawling, and begs me back. I was sticking to my guns, when she said something that made me give our relationship a second chance.

Today seemed great. It seemed like we were back into each other like we were when we started our relationship. Everything was going great. Tonight, however, she lives about 1.5 hours away from me, and she does this country night thing where it's pretty much country dancing.

She get's hammered, and comes home and she calls me and while I am talking to her I sense that she is crying. I asked her about it and she said it was just girl stuff. She tells me she loves me and she goes to bed. Well I'm pretty sure that she was acting a little strange about this girl stuff, and I knew something was up. I call my buddy who has her best friends number and I get it from him. I call up her best friend... just to talk to her. She is talking to me, and I ask her what is wrong with her. She tells me "Well, she is kind of on a break with her boyfriend and she really likes this other guy right now..and she's not sure what to do"... I realize at this point that she doesn't know that it is me.. and well, I couldn't care less after hearing that second part.

Laura had told me about this guy before, but she lied to me about how she knew him. She told me he was one of her best friends flings and that Laura knew him through her.(Laura is my ex-gf)...

Anyway, so she has had some sort of feelings for this guy for quite a while, and hearing that from her friends mouth was a dagger in my back. I literally started shaking from emotion. I tell her friend goodnight, ending with "Btw, this is Elliot"... she ends with a "oh...um.."... *click*...

Well that's that... I'm deeply hurt to find out the real reason behind this break, and I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I'm still shaking, and my heart has sunk into my stomach.

One thing she always told me is that she hated that I couldn't trust her. I'll admit, it's hard to trust a girl who has slept with 19 different guys from the age of 16 to 19. Not to mention she cheated on her previous boyfriend with quite a few different guys. She had guys calling her all the time, and when we first started dating she was interested in another guy.

I can't take her back after this. I can't even be her friend. Sadly, this girl might be one of the best girls I ever get. She's very caring and very fun to be with. Our sex life was amazing.

Nothing she says will change my mind, though. Many would say that she showed emotions for a different guy because of the trust issue. That may be true. And don't get me wrong, I gave her quite a bit of freedom compared to some guys. I let her do whatever she wanted as long as she called to let me know what she was doing.

Someone once told me that you have no control over if someone is going to stay with you or let you go and move on to someone else. All you can do is be who you are, and more than likely if she likes who you are, than she will want to be with you. So don't get upset if you act like who you are and she still leaves you. You're not meant to be. I feel that applies greatly to this situation. I treated her like a rebel princess. I gave her space, and I cared for her a lot. I keep wanting to blame myself for this one, and I can find things that I might have done wrong, but I really don't feel like this is my fault. And that feels good!

Well, I'll keep you posted. I might talk to her about it tomorrow briefly when I feel like it. It will be broken off, she will beg, and I will hang up and not answer. She will drive down here to see me, and I will not let her in my place.

I'll be honest. This was my first real somewhat long term relationship(if you can't almost 7 months as a long time... I think it is just because of the distance)...

I really expected to make this one count for something. I really saw myself marrying this girl at times. I had doubts at other times. Something I am going to miss most is her family. And I'm going to miss her being with my family. We were probably happiest when we were together with either her family or mine.

I have to wake up in 5 hours and I really hope I can sleep. I will let you all know what happens.

Goodnight

[talaniman]

Wow, what a revolting development. You sound like a nice enough guy, and your not the first to fail at those long distance things.

Its not a failure really, its just you two were not in the same place physically, or emotionally. Happens that way.

[ImALeg-end]

Never let a relationship go into 'on a break' status.. It's basically over, let go for your own good.